The Odd Couple (TV Series)

Take My Furniture, Please (1973)

Tony Randall: Felix Unger

Quotes 

• Oscar Madison : [after trying to get some work done at the school desk Felix got for him as part of the redecorating, Oscar's had enough]  Felix!

  Felix Unger : [From his bedroom, mumbling]  W-w-what?

  Oscar Madison : Out here, please.

  [Felix comes out, smiling, thinking Oscar's happy] 

  Oscar Madison : That's it. Come here! Come on.

  Felix Unger : What's wrong?

  Oscar Madison : Sit down!

  [Felix is about to sit on the couch] 

  Oscar Madison : Not there

  [angrily pointing] 

  Oscar Madison : Sit in the chip!

  [Felix sits down, as Oscar begins to angrily talk] 

  Oscar Madison : Alright, Felix; your decorating days are over! I sent you out for furniture, what do you come back with? 2 hands, right? A-an... overpriced clock, a kindergarten chair, a laser beam, and a chrome bush!

• Felix Unger : Isn't this an inventive tree? It's a conversation piece.

  [He hits the tree several times, causing it to rattle loudly] 

  Oscar Madison : Tell it to shut up.

• Felix Unger : [Myrna sits in the hand-shaped chair]  How do you feel?

  Myrna : I sorta feel like I'm insured by Allstate.

• Felix Unger : [referring to the horrible furnishings Oscar bought]  Well, Oscar, I'm sure you've heard the expression in your life, at some time or other, "the straw that broke the camel's back." You've tried many ways to get me out of here. You've tried tricks, you've tried anger, you've even tried physical expulsion. You finally succeeded with the old standby: bad taste.

• Felix Unger : Oscar, when you decorate an apartment, you're creating a new environment. You don't just throw everything in. You buy one piece at a time. We'll live with the chairs a couple of days, then we'll say to a chair, "What would you like around you?"

  Oscar Madison : And it'll say, "Gloves."