The Odd Couple (TV Series)

Take My Furniture, Please (1973)

Jack Klugman: Oscar Madison

Quotes 

• Oscar Madison : [after trying to get some work done at the school desk Felix got for him as part of the redecorating, Oscar's had enough]  Felix!

  Felix Unger : [From his bedroom, mumbling]  W-w-what?

  Oscar Madison : Out here, please.

  [Felix comes out, smiling, thinking Oscar's happy] 

  Oscar Madison : That's it. Come here! Come on.

  Felix Unger : What's wrong?

  Oscar Madison : Sit down!

  [Felix is about to sit on the couch] 

  Oscar Madison : Not there

  [angrily pointing] 

  Oscar Madison : Sit in the chip!

  [Felix sits down, as Oscar begins to angrily talk] 

  Oscar Madison : Alright, Felix; your decorating days are over! I sent you out for furniture, what do you come back with? 2 hands, right? A-an... overpriced clock, a kindergarten chair, a laser beam, and a chrome bush!

• Felix Unger : Isn't this an inventive tree? It's a conversation piece.

  [He hits the tree several times, causing it to rattle loudly] 

  Oscar Madison : Tell it to shut up.

• Oscar Madison : [Oscar sits at the desk Felix bought him, which consists of a small fold-down writing surface and a tiny task light on an overhead swing arm]  Felix, what is this? I'm a writer, not a diamond cutter!

• Oscar Madison : [sitting in the hand-shaped chair]  I feel like an M&M.

• Felix Unger : Oscar, when you decorate an apartment, you're creating a new environment. You don't just throw everything in. You buy one piece at a time. We'll live with the chairs a couple of days, then we'll say to a chair, "What would you like around you?"

  Oscar Madison : And it'll say, "Gloves."