Mystery Science Theater 3000 (TV Series)

The Giant Gila Monster (1992)

Trace Beaulieu: Crow T. Robot, Dr. Clayton Forrester

Photos 

Quotes 

• Crow T. Robot : S-son? Wait, he called me "son." No wonder mom cries when I mention the Sheriff.

• Crow T. Robot : Stupid-Man. More powerful than an okie-motive.

• Dr. Forrester : Now, taste the red hot steel of Dr. Clayton "Fire-brand" Forrester! The punching bag has always had a sound principle behind it. Frank?

  TV's Frank : Yes, that it's fun to beat Boffo the clown savagely and repeatedly till Boffo's bleeding from the ears, but then... alas the thrill is gone. The fire goes out of your belly. You need something new to stimulate your imagination.

  Dr. Forrester : That's right, that's why we've invented these hateful punching bags with images of characters from the renaissance festival. Uh, for instance, there's, uh, the rat catcher. Excuse me, sir, is that your head or did your neck throw up?

  TV's Frank : Oh, bite me, Frodo!

  Dr. Forrester : And there's the ever popular leather mug maker. Please, sir, sample my wares!

  TV's Frank : Sample my fist, you community theatre reject!

  Dr. Forrester : Loveable harlequinn! I am harlequinn.

  TV's Frank : I am your worst nightmare! Twenty three dollars to get in! Huzzah my butt, you satin-suited, Tolkein-reading loser!

  Dr. Forrester : Uh, that's enough, Frank... Ah, well, Joel, uh, heh, your experiment this week is a sweet meat repleat with empty-headed teens, fast cars, and a cute little lizard. It's called "The Giant Gila Monster," and it wil make you hurt or my name's not Earl Shibe. Enjoy.

• Crow T. Robot : Hey, hey, one at a time! We've only got one boom mike!

• Crow T. Robot : Here, drink this. It'll help you feel American.

• Sheriff Jeff : Your son Pat, he's about nineteen, isn't he?

  Mr. Wheeler : That's right.

  Crow T. Robot : As teens go, yes.

• Sheriff Jeff : Chase, level with me.

  Crow T. Robot : You think I'm pretty?

• Sheriff Jeff : Car was stolen outta state and the plates were stolen in state.

  Crow T. Robot : Insured by Allstate.

• Sheriff Jeff : Chase, I'm in a jam and I need your help. Wheeler swings a big enough stick in this country to make it rough, and he's doing it.

  Crow T. Robot : You lookin' on a different script, Sheriff?

• Crow T. Robot : It's the annual Fire Hazard Dance.

• Crow T. Robot : [as the kids dance]  Shake. Shake. Shake your forbidden parts.

• Crow T. Robot : Gypsy, no! it's too small!

  [Everyone, including Gypsy screams as she inadvertently knocks everyone down, including the whole set] 

  Gypsy : These two, nothing but trouble.