House M.D. (TV Series)

Poison (2005)

Hugh Laurie: Dr. Gregory House

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Quotes 

• Dr. Gregory House : I assume "minimal at best" is your stiff-upper-lip British way of saying "no chance in hell."

  Dr. Robert Chase : I'm Australian.

  Dr. Gregory House : You put the Queen on your money. You're British.

• Dr. Wilson : [reading a poem from a patient of House]  "The healer with his magic powers / I could rub his gentle brow for hours. / His manly chest, his stubbled jaw, / Everything about him leaves me raw...

  Dr. Gregory House : Psych ward's upstairs.

  Dr. Wilson : ...with joy / Oh, House, your very name / Will never leave this girl the same." It's not bad for an 82-year-old. She asked me to give that to her true love.

• Dr. Allison Cameron : I'll check into it.

  Dr. Eric Foreman : I'll make the call.

  Dr. Robert Chase : I'll keep the kid alive - for a while, at least.

  Dr. Gregory House : I'll have lunch.

• Dr. Gregory House : I'm the doctor who's trying to save your son, you're the mom who's letting him die. Clarification - it's a beautiful thing.

• Dr. Gregory House : I'm sorry, but the fact that the sexual pleasure center of your cerebral cortex has been over-stimulated by spirochetes... it's... it's a poor basis for a relationship. I learned that one the hard way.

• Dr. Gregory House : What can I say? Chicks with no teeth turn me on.

• [Needing Mrs. Davis' permission to treat son Matt, house presents her a document to sign, which he reads] 

  Dr. Gregory House : "I, Margo Davis, have been informed of the risks which may arise from my refusal of advised medical care. I hereby release..."

  Margo Davis : Who are you?

  Dr. Gregory House : I work for the hospital. "... the Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital and its employees, agents and otherwise from any adverse medical conditions resulting from my refusal. It is not the hospital's fault if my son kicks off."

  Margo Davis : "Kicks off?"

  Dr. Gregory House : I... punched up the language, mostly for clarification. "I understand my doctors consider my decision to be completely idiotic..."

  Margo Davis : Why are you doing this?

  Dr. Gregory House : [continuing]  "... but I am convinced I know more than they do. I took a biology course in high school." I assume that's... Yeah. "Besides, I enjoy controlling every single aspect of my son's life, even if it means his death." Sign here, please. I brought a pen.

• Dr. Gregory House : Well, only one man left in the bullpen and he throws like a girl.

  Dr. Allison Cameron : I hate sports metaphors.

  Dr. Gregory House : Give her the high, hard one!

• Dr. Gregory House : You're brain-damaged - doomed to feeling good for the rest of your life.

• Dr. Gregory House : If you wanna see how the other kid does first, that's okay. Might help you. Although there's a real good chance that...

  Margo Davis : What? Matt might "kick off?"

  Dr. Gregory House : That's a little blunt. I was gonna say "run out of time" or just kind of let my voice trail off.

• Dr. Gregory House : Boys love fart jokes. Find one with a good fart joke.

• Dr. Gregory House : What do teenage boys do in the morning - besides... the obvious?