Get Smart (TV Series)

Island of the Darned (1966)

Don Adams: Maxwell Smart

Photos 

Quotes 

• Hans Hunter : As you can see, Mr. Smart, my trophy collection includes one of almost every kind of animal... Except one. You. A homo sapien.

  Maxwell Smart : Now just a minute, Hunter, I'm as normal as you are.

  # 99 : What about me, Hunter?

  Hans Hunter : I have other plans for you, my dear. I hope that you will stay on here as my permanent... guest.

  # 99 : I'd rather take my chances in the jungle with Max.

  Hans Hunter : Very loyal my dear, and very stupid.

  Maxwell Smart : We're Control agents, Hunter. We're trained to be very loyal and very stupid.

• # 99 : Hans Hunter, wasn't he a high ranking Nazi?

  Chief : He was at various times a Nazi, a communist, a member of the Mafia and is right now one of the top executives of KAOS.

  Maxwell Smart : If there's anything I hate, it's a joiner.

• Maxwell Smart : Chief, you've got to let me go after Hunter. I wanna get that madman no matter how dangerous it is. I don't care if he is one of the world's greatest killers. I don't care if he is a master of fiendish torture and death. I want 'im, Chief. You've got to let me have that assignment.

  Chief : You've got it, Max.

  Maxwell Smart : Of course, if you'd rather send someone else...

  Chief : The job's yours, Max.

  Maxwell Smart : I mean, I don't wanna force you into anything, Chief...

• Maxwell Smart : [Carlson is demonstrating the A14 Mark II assinagrator]  Well, that's fascinating, Professor, what does it do?

  Carlson : Absolutely nothing. But in the event you are captured by the enemy, they'll be so intrigued by the way it works, you'll have time to escape.

• Maxwell Smart : Just a minute, Hunter. You don't really think we'd be stupid enough to come here alone, do ya?

  Hans Hunter : What do you mean?

  Maxwell Smart : Just this. In a very short while, General Crawford and a hundred of his crack paratroopers will come crashing into this landing.

  [Hunter begins to snicker] 

  Maxwell Smart : Would you believe J. Edgar Hoover and ten of his G-men?

  [Hunter laughs louder] 

  Maxwell Smart : How about Tarzan and a couple of his apes?

  Hans Hunter : [after another chuckle or two Hunter becomes serious]  Get moving.

  Maxwell Smart : Bomba the Jungle boy?

• Hans Hunter : [touching the scar on his forehead]  Have you ever heard of the great white rhino?

  Maxwell Smart : That was done by the great white rhino?

  Hans Hunter : No. This was done by a small blue convertible.

  Maxwell Smart : The great white Rhino was driving a small blue convertible?

• Agent 99 : Oh, Max, how terrible.

  Maxwell Smart : He deserved it, 99. He was a KAOS killer.

  Agent 99 : Sometimes I wonder if we're any better, Max.

  Maxwell Smart : What are you talking about, 99? We have to shoot and kill and destroy. We represent everything that's wholesome and good in the world.

• Maxwell Smart : Stay where you are, Igor. I'm warning you. One more step and I'll put a bullet right between those beady little eyes.

  [Igor takes a step forward. Max pulls the trigger but the gun is empty. He hits Igor across the shoulder with the gun but Igor grabs the gun. Max punches Igor across the jaw but Igor does not budge] 

  Maxwell Smart : [Max puts his arm around Igor]  Eh, listen Igor, I hope I wasn't out of line with that crack about the beady eyes.

• Maxwell Smart : We're gonna build a pit. Then I'm gonna sharpen some stakes and put them in the bottom of the pit. Then we'll cover the pit over. Nobody'll know it's there. Then finally someone will jump into the pit and be impaled on the stakes.

  # 99 : I've heard of that, Max. It's called a Malayan man-trap.

  Maxwell Smart : It is?

  # 99 : Uh huh. Do you think it will work?

  Maxwell Smart : Well it all depends, 99.

  # 99 : On what?

  Maxwell Smart : On whether or not Hunter is a Malayan man.

• # 99 : [hunting dogs are hot on Max and 99's trail]  Max, listen! Do you know what that sound is?

  Maxwell Smart : I'm not sure, but it will never make the top ten.