Julie Kavner: Marge Simpson • Selma Bouvier • Patty Bouvier

The Simpsons Movie

Marge Simpson • Selma Bouvier • Patty Bouvier

Marge Simpson: Homer, you have to go out there, face that mob, and apologize for what you did.
Homer Simpson: I would, but I'm afraid if I open the door, they'll take all of you!
Carl: No we won't. We just want Homer!
Homer Simpson: Well, maybe not you, but they'll kill Grandpa!
Grampa: I'm part of the mob!

Homer Simpson: Okay, son. You have only one chance to throw that bomb through the hole.
Bart Simpson: Dad, in case I don't make it, I'm sorry I said I wish you weren't my dad.
Homer Simpson: I don't blame you, son. I've never been that good of a father. Maybe it all starts with the way my father raised me. Yes, it's all clear to me. It's all just been one long, unbroken chain of...
Marge Simpson: Somebody throw the goddamn bomb!

Homer Simpson: Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
Marge Simpson: Actually, it's aged me horribly.

Marge Simpson: [to Lisa] Honey, that's great. But the very best thing is that he listens to you. Because nothing means more than for a man to...
[looks up in surprise]
Marge Simpson: How did the pig tracks get on the ceiling?
[cuts to Homer holding a pig to the ceiling]
Homer Simpson: [singing Tune to Spider-Man Theme Song] Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig. / Does whatever a Spider-Pig does. / Can he swing / from a web? / No he *can't*, / He's a pig. / Look out! / He is the Spider-Pig!

Homer Simpson: So, who wants waffles?
Bart Simpson, Grampa, Lisa Simpson: I do! I do! I do!
Marge Simpson: What about Grampa?
Bart Simpson: I want syrup!
Lisa Simpson: I want strawberries!
Marge Simpson: Shouldn't we be concerned about what happened in church?
Homer Simpson: I'll tell you what happened. A certain someone had a senior moment, but that's okay, because we love him anyway, and we got a free rug out of it.
[Kisses Grampa on the forehead]
Marge Simpson: What's the point of going to church every Sunday if when someone we love has a genuine religious experience we ignore it? Right, Grampa?
Grampa: I want bananas on my waffles.
Homer Simpson: I rest my case.

Marge Simpson: Homer, in every marriage you get one chance to say, "I need you to do this with me."
Homer Simpson: That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

[car tyres screech to a halt outside. The Simpsons' silhouettes as the family make their way to the church door. Their conversation can also be heard]
Marge Simpson: I hate being late!
Homer Simpson: Well I hate going. Why can't I worship the Lord in my own way, by praying like hell on my death bed.
Marge Simpson: Homer, they can hear you inside!
Homer Simpson: Relax! Those pious morons are too busy talking to their phoney-baloney God!
[the family enter the church to total silence and angry looks. They make their way to their pew]
Homer Simpson: How ya doin'? Peace be with you. Praise Jebus.

Tom Hanks: [voiceover in TV ad] Are you tired of the same old Grand Canyon?
TV Dad: [bored] Here we are kids. The Grand Canyon.
TV Daughter: Oh, it's so old and boring! I want a new one, *now!*
Tom Hanks: [appears from behind bush] Hello. I'm Tom Hanks. The US Government has lost its credibility, so it's borrowing some of mine.
TV Son: Tussle my hair, Mr. Hanks!
Tom Hanks: Sure thing, son.
[laughs as he does so. Stars come out of the boy's hair. He then smiles in wonder]
Tom Hanks: Now, I'm pleased to tell you about the new Grand Canyon.
[shot changes to that of a smouldering crater]
Tom Hanks: Coming this weekend! It's east of Shelbyville and south of Capital City.
Marge Simpson: [watching ad] That's where Springfield is!
Tom Hanks: It's nowhere near where anything is or ever was. This is Tom Hanks saying, if you're gonna pick a government to trust, why not this one?

Marge Simpson: [grimacing at the overflowing 'Pig Crap' silo] He filled up the whole silo in just two days?
Homer Simpson: [proudly] Well, I helped.

Homer Simpson: I'm happy here. Screw Springfield!
Marge Simpson: [gasps] I can't believe you'd say something so selfish.
Homer Simpson: Marge, those people chased us with pitchforks and torches. TORCHES! At four in the afternoon!
Marge Simpson: It was 7 at night.
Homer Simpson: It was during Access Hollywood.
Marge Simpson: Which is on at 4 and 7.
Homer Simpson: D'oh!

Marge Simpson: Okay, here it goes. Homer, I've always stood up for you. When people point out your flaws, I always say, "Well, sometimes you have to stand back to appreciate a work of art."
Homer Simpson: Way back.
Marge Simpson: Lately, what's keeping us together is my ability to overlook everything you do. And I overlook these things because...
Homer Simpson: Because?
Marge Simpson: Well, that's the thing. I just don't know how to finish that sentence anymore. So I'm leaving with the kids to help Springfield, and we're never coming back. And to prove to myself that this is the end... I taped this over our wedding video. Good-bye, Homie.

Bart Simpson: [drunkenly] Mom?
Marge Simpson: Yes honey?
Bart Simpson: You just bought another load of crap from the world's fattest fertilizer salesman.
Homer Simpson: You'll pay for ruining the golden family moment!
Marge Simpson: Homer!
Bart Simpson: How are we supposed to get to Alaska without any money?
Homer Simpson: Alright, son. If you don't believe me, believe in America!