Hank Azaria credited as playing...
Professor Frink • Comic Book Guy • Moe Szyslak • Chief Wiggum • Lou • Carl • Cletus • Bumblebee Man • Male EPA Worker • Dome Depot Announcer • Kissing Cop • Carnival Barker • Counter Man • Apu • Drederick Tatum • Sea Captain • EPA Passenger • Robot • Dr. Nick Riviera • Wise Guy
- Marge Simpson: Homer, you have to go out there, face that mob, and apologize for what you did.
- Homer Simpson: I would, but I'm afraid if I open the door, they'll take all of you!
- Carl: No we won't. We just want Homer!
- Homer Simpson: Well, maybe not you, but they'll kill Grandpa!
- Grampa: I'm part of the mob!
- Chief Wiggum: [sees Fat Tony and his mobsters dragging a body wrapped in a sheet to the lake] Uh sorry, sorry, no dumping in the lake!
- Fat Tony: Fine, I will put my *yard trimmings* in a car compactor.
- [he and the mobsters walk off with the body]
- Lou: Uh, Chief, I think there was a dead body in there.
- Chief Wiggum: I thought that too, until he said yard trimmings. You gotta learn to listen, Lou.
- [Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day sings "da-da-da" to the final part of the Simpsons tune, following his teleprompter]
- Billie Joe Armstrong: Alright, well thanks a lot for coming. We've been playing for three and a half hours, now we'd like just a minute of your time to say something about the environment.
- [there is a deathly silence, followed by huge boos from the Springfieldians. They start throwing things at Green Day]
- Barney Gumble: Preachy!
- Billie Joe Armstrong: We're not being preachy!
- Tre Cool: But the pollution in your lake - it's dissolving our barge!
- [Moe is sitting in a deck chair. Lisa is standing next to him]
- Lisa Simpson: I thought they touched on a vital issue.
- Moe: I beg to differ.
- [He throws a rock at the stage, which penetrates the bass drum and hits Frank in the crotch]
- Tre Cool: Oh.
- Mike Dirnt: Gentlemen, it's been an honour playing with you tonight.
- [Green Day put down their instruments and bring out violins as the barge sinks. Lisa looks on woefully]
- Robot: Red wire, blue wire, black is usually the ground...
- [begins shaking]
- Robot: ... ahhh, so much pressure... PRESSURE!
- [grabs Chief Wiggum's gun and shoots itself in the head]
- Chief Wiggum: He was talking about it, but I never took him seriously.
- Lisa Simpson: This town is just one piece of trash away from a toxic nightmare! But I knew you wouldn't listen. So I took the liberty of pouring water from the lake in all your drinking glasses!
- [everyone spits out their water in disgust]
- Moe: See, this is why we should hate kids!
- Russ Cargill: I was tricked by an idiot!
- Cletus: Hey, I know how you feel; I was beat in tic-tac-toe by a chicken.
- [to the angry mob, as Homer tries to escape through the sinkhole]
- Moe: The top of his head is still showing! Claw at it!
- Comic Book Guy: I've spent my entire life doing nothing but collecting comic books... and now there's only time to say... LIFE WELL SPENT!
- Montgomery Burns: So, you want some of my electricity, do you? Well, for once, the rich, white man is in control. I have two buttons behind my desk. One will provide your town with power, the other releases the hounds. Reach me. Make me your brother.
- Dr. Hibbert: The hospital's generator is about to give out. Lives will be lost.
- Montgomery Burns: [writing down] Lives... lost. Go on.
- Chief Wiggum: We have a convict we're gonna fry tomorrow, but now we can't.
- Montgomery Burns: Tempting, tempting...
- Apu: Look, all of our reasons mean nothing. Just look inside your heart and you will find the answer.
- [Smithers waves frantically and shakes his head no; cut to outside of mansion as screaming and barking is heard inside]
- Apu: Aaah!
- Montgomery Burns: First door on the right.
- Apu: Thank you.
- Dr. Hibbert, Chief Wiggum, Apu: [as they run out chased by dogs] Aaah!
- Mayor Quimby: I hereby declare a state of emergency: Code Black.
- Lenny: Black? That's the worst color there is.
- [Lenny turns to Carl, his black friend]
- Lenny: No offense there, Carl.
- Carl: I get it all the time.
- Moe: What are you telling us, we're trapped like rats?
- Russ Cargill: No, rats can't be trapped this easily. You're trapped like... carrots.
- Mayor Quimby: To make sure this wall is completely idiot-proof... Cletus!
- Cletus: Yes'um?
- Mayor Quimby: Try to dump something in the lake.
- Cletus: Okay.
- [tries to go to the lake to dump a possum but keeps hitting the wall]
- Cletus: I can't. I - I simply can't.
- Professor Frink: People, people, I have a very important announcement! I have invented an acid-firing super drill that can cut through anything. It's right there, just out... side the dome.
- Chief Wiggum: Alright, men. Open fire!
- [Cops shoot at dome; the bullets ricochet and hit them]
- Chief Wiggum: Who's hurt? Raise your hand.
- [Cops raise their hands moaning]
- Chief Wiggum: Without the attitude.
- Cletus: [after showing Cargill a trick with his thumb] You want to know how I do it?
- Russ Cargill: Four generations of inbreeding?
- Cletus: [Flattered] Oh, you.
- [Moe sports a bathrobe and a traffic cone on his head]
- Marge Simpson: Why are you dressed like that?
- Moe: Well, I don't like to brag, but I am now the Emperor of Springfield.
- Barney Gumble: No, you're not!
- [throws Molotov cocktail at Moe]
- Moe: Yes, I am!
- [Moe throws it back and it explodes]
- Barney Gumble: Okay. Hail Emperor.