Shia LaBeouf credited as playing...
Sam Witwicky
- Ironhide: You have a rodent infestation.
- Sam Witwicky: A what?
- Ironhide: [aiming cannons at Mojo] Shall I terminate?
- Sam Witwicky: No! No! This is a chihuahua. We love chihuahuas.
- Ironhide: He's leaked lubricants all over my foot! Hmmph!
- Sam Witwicky: He peed on you? Bad Mojo! Bad!
- Ironhide: Bad Mojo! Ugh, my foot's gonna rust...
- Judy Witwicky: [barging into Sam's bedroom, her husband in tow] Oh, for Pete's sakes! You are so defensive! Were you... masturbating?
- Ron Witwicky: Judy...
- Sam Witwicky: [frantic] Was I master... No, Mom!
- Ron Witwicky: Zip it, okay?
- Judy Witwicky: It's okay...
- Sam Witwicky: No, I don't masturbate!
- Ron Witwicky: That's not something for you to bring up.
- Judy Witwicky: Okay.
- Ron Witwicky: That's a father-and-son thing, okay?
- Sam Witwicky: Father-son thing...
- Judy Witwicky: I mean, you don't have to call it that word if that makes you uncomfortable... you can call it Sam's happy time or...
- Sam Witwicky: [amazed] Happy time?
- Judy Witwicky: ...my special alone time...
- Ron Witwicky: Judy, stop!
- Judy Witwicky: ...with myself.
- Sam Witwicky: Mom, you can't come in and...
- Judy Witwicky: I'm sorry. It's just been a weird night. I've had a little bit to drink.
- [Bumblebee, with Sam and Mikaela inside, is being chased by Barricade]
- Mikaela: Oh, God! We're gonna die! We're gonna die!
- Sam Witwicky: No, we're not. No, we're not gonna die. Trust me. He's a kick-ass driver!
- [Bumblebee heads towards a wall]
- Sam Witwicky: [high-pitched scream] Oh, my God! No! We're gonna die!
- Sam Witwicky: [looking up at Bumblebee] Can you talk?
- Bumblebee: [through his radio] "XM Satellite One"..."Digital Cable brings you"..."Columbia Broadcasting System"...
- Sam Witwicky: So, you... so you talk through the radio?
- Bumblebee: [clapping his hands] "Thank you, you're beautiful! You're wonderful, you're wonderful."
- Sam Witwicky: So what was that last night? What was that?
- Bumblebee: [pointing skywards] "Message from Starfleet, Captain"..."Throughout the inanimate vastness of space"..."And angels will rain down like visitors from Heaven! Hallelujah!"
- Mikaela: Visitors from heaven... so you're, like, an alien?
- [Bumblebee points a finger at her and nods, and converts into a Camaro]
- Bumblebee: "Any more questions you want to ask?"
- Sam Witwicky: He wants us to get in the car.
- Mikaela: [laughing nervously] And go where?
- Sam Witwicky: Fifty years from now, when you're looking back at your life, don't you want to be able to say you had the guts to get in the car?
- Barricade: Are you username: LadiesMan217?
- Sam Witwicky: I don't know what you're talking about!
- Barricade: ARE YOU USERNAME: LADIESMAN217?
- Sam Witwicky: Yeah...
- Barricade: Where is the eBay item 21153? WHERE ARE THE GLASSES?
- Mikaela: Why are you here?
- Optimus Prime: We are here looking for the All Spark. And we must find it before Megatron.
- Sam Witwicky: Mega-what?
- [Prime projects a holographic view of Cybertron]
- Optimus Prime: Our planet was once a powerful empire, peaceful and just, until we were betrayed by Megatron, leader of the Decepticons. All who defied them were destroyed. Our war finally consumed the planet, and the All Spark was lost to the stars. Megatron followed it to Earth, where Captain Witwicky found him...
- Sam Witwicky: My grandfather.
- Optimus Prime: It was an accident that intertwined our fates.
- [Captain Witwicky discovers Megatron in the ice]
- Optimus Prime: Megatron crash-landed before he could retrieve the Cube.
- [the Captain fiddles with Megatron's gears, causing a bright light to strike him...]
- Optimus Prime: He accidentally activated his navigation system. The coordinates to the Cube's location on Earth were imprinted on his glasses.
- Sam Witwicky: How did you know about his glasses?
- Optimus Prime: eBay.
- Sam Witwicky: eBay...
- Ratchet: If the Decepticons find the All Spark, they will use its power to transform Earth's machines and build a new army.
- Optimus Prime: And the human race will be extinguished. Sam Witwicky, you hold the key to Earth's survival.
- Mikaela: Please tell me that you have those glasses?
- Ron Witwicky: [drives past a Porsche dealer] I've got a little surprise for you, son.
- Sam Witwicky: No, no, no, no! Dad! Oh, you've got to be kidding me!
- Ron Witwicky: Yeah, I am. You're not getting a Porsche!
- [laughs]
- Sam Witwicky: Look, I can't be any clearer than how crystal clear I am being. It just stood up.
- Sheriff: It just stood up? Wow. That's really neat. Okay, chiefie. Time to fill her up...
- [hands Sam a container and a tissue]
- Sheriff: And no drippy-drippy. What are you rolling? Whippets? Goof balls? A little wowie sauce with the boys?
- Sam Witwicky: No, I'm not on any drugs!
- Sheriff: What's these?
- [shows Sam a bottle of pills]
- Sheriff: Found it in your pocket. "Mojo". Is that what the kids are doing now, a little bit of Mojo...?
- Sam Witwicky: Those are my dog's pain pills.
- Ron Witwicky: You know, a Chihauhua. A little...
- Sheriff: [annoyed] What was that?
- Sam Witwicky: Hmm?
- Sheriff: You eyeballing my piece, 50 Cent? You wanna go?
- [leans over Sam]
- Sheriff: Make something happen. Do it. 'Cause I promise you I will bust you up.
- Sam Witwicky: [whispers] Are you on drugs?
- Sam Witwicky: So...
- Maggie Madsen: What'd they get you for?
- Sam Witwicky: I bought a car. Turned out to be an alien robot.
- Glen: [whispered] Wow.
- Sam Witwicky: Who knew?
- Bobby Bolivia: [about the Camaro] I'll let you have it for $5,000.
- Ron Witwicky: No, I'm not going above $4,000.
- Bobby Bolivia: The door just closed.
- [turns to Sam]
- Bobby Bolivia: Get out of the car.
- Sam Witwicky: Wait a minute? I thought you said "the car chooses its owner.",
- Bobby Bolivia: Yeah, well sometimes they pick a driver with a cheap-ass father!
- Optimus Prime: Are you Samuel James Witwicky, descendent of Archibald Witwicky?
- Mikaela: They know your name!
- Sam Witwicky: Yeah.
- Optimus Prime: My name is Optimus Prime. We are Autonomous Robotic Organisms from the planet Cybertron.
- Ratchet: But you can call us "Autobots", for short.
- Bumblebee: [fully repaired] Permission to speak, sir?
- Optimus Prime: Permission granted, old friend.
- Sam Witwicky: You speak now?
- Bumblebee: I wish to stay with the boy.
- Optimus Prime: If that is his choice.
- Sam Witwicky: Yes.
- Trent: You know, I thought I recognized you. You tried out for the football team last year, right?
- Sam Witwicky: Oh, no, no, that... No. That, that wasn't like a real try-out. I was researching a book I was writing.
- Trent: Oh, yeah?
- Sam Witwicky: Yeah!
- Trent: [grinning] Yeah? What's it about? Sucking at sports?
- Sam Witwicky: [laughs a little] No, it's about the link between brain damage and football.
- [Trent looks really angry, while Mikaela hides a smile]
- Sam Witwicky: [nods head] No, it... it's a good book. Your friends will love it. You know, it's got mazes in it and, you know, little coloring areas, sections, pop-up pictures. It's... a lot of fun.
- [Bumblebee drives Sam and Mikaela through a tunnel]
- Mikaela: [in the back seat] This car's a pretty good driver.
- Sam Witwicky: [in the passenger seat] Yeah.
- [looks at the empty driver's seat]
- Sam Witwicky: Why don't you go sit on that seat there?
- Mikaela: I'm not gonna sit on that seat. He's driving.
- Sam Witwicky: Yeah. You're right. You know, maybe you should sit on my lap.
- Mikaela: Why?
- Sam Witwicky: Well, I have the only seat belt here. Safety first.
- Mikaela: Yeah. Right.
- [Mikaela moves from the back seat to Sam's lap]
- Sam Witwicky: See? That's better.
- Mikaela: You know, that seat belt thing was a pretty smooth move.
- Sam Witwicky: Thank you.
- [Bumblebee approaches Sam and Mikaela]
- Mikaela: What is it?
- Sam Witwicky: It's a robot. You know, like a super advanced robot. It's probably Japanese. Yeah, it's definitely Japanese.
- [He slowly walks towards Bumblebee]
- Mikaela: [alarmed] What are you doing?
- Sam Witwicky: I don't think it wants to hurt us. He would've done that already.
- Mikaela: Really? Well, do you speak robot? Because they just had, like, a giant droid death match!
- Agent Simmons: Last night at the station, you told the officer your car transformed. Enlighten me.
- Sam Witwicky: Well, here's what I said, okay? 'Cause this is a total misunderstanding that my car had been stolen...
- Agent Simmons: Really?
- Sam Witwicky: ...from me, from my home, but it's fine now because it's back! It came back!
- Mikaela: Well, not by itself.
- Sam Witwicky: Well, no.
- Mikaela: Because cars don't do that because that would be crazy.
- [everyone laughs]
- Agent Simmons: So what do you kids know about aliens, huh?
- [laughing stops]
- Sam Witwicky: [after the Autobots have ripped the top off the car] You A-holes are in trouble now. Gentlemen, I want to introduce you to my friend, Optimus Prime.
- Optimus Prime: Taking the children was a BAD move! Autobots, relieve them of their weapons!
- Sam Witwicky: Where's my car?
- Tom Banachek: Son, listen to me very carefully. People could die here. We need to know everything you know, and we need to know it right now.
- Sam Witwicky: Okay... But first I'll take my car, my parents - maybe you should write that down. Oh, and her juvie record. That's gotta be gone. Like, forever.
- Tom Banachek: [exhales] Come with me. We'll talk about your car.
- Mikaela: [to Sam] Thank you.
- Sam Witwicky: Sure.
- Agent Simmons: [deep sigh] The man's an extortionist.
- Mikaela: [after Sam has tripped on his mother's bike] That was, uh... that was really awesome.
- Sam Witwicky: Felt awesome.
- Mikaela: Are you okay?
- Sam Witwicky: No, I'm not okay alright? I'm losin' my mind a little bit. Gettin' chased by my car right now, gotta go!
- Optimus Prime: Sam... you risked your life to protect the Cube.
- Sam Witwicky: No sacrifice, no victory.