The Sandlot 2

This movie was awful. Period. Anyone who had seen and loved the first Sandlot would be ashamed to see this movie beside it on the shelf. Firstly, the storyline is terribly predictable and almost exactly the same as the first one, only a lot worse because it wasn't nearly as funny. Secondly, the acting throughout the whole movie was terrible. The actors seemed to be picked more because of their body than because of their acting abilities. Character development was beyond embarrassing, a character would simply show up, spill their life story and all of the sudden we're trusting them with the fate of the movie? You could not pay me to sit through this movie again, the only reason I didn't turn it off in the first place was because I was amazed at how the film got progressively worse! I urge you strongly NOT to see this movie, not only would it be a waste of money, but a waste of time. I want an hour and a half of my life back!

Oh Dear Lord: somebody somewhere must have been offended by the original movie (which was obviously a fiendish plot to perpetuate the stereotype that a group of school boys could play sandlot baseball games without following preconceived notions of gender equity and politically correct behavior). The result of this brutish insensitivity manifests itself in "Sandlot 2", which is quite possibly the worst sequel ever made. Hey anonymous narrator guy who agreed to reprise his 'Sandlot 1' role for this atrocity...have you no shame?

This film's offenses to all of moviedom are far too numerous to adequately catalog. First and foremost, "Sandlot 2" is not so much a sequel as it is a B level remake of the original. Virtually every situation from the first movie is clumsily recreated by a far less talented cast and group of writers: the scene where Squints kisses Wendy Peppercorn is transformed into bizarre (yet utterly predictable) slapstick involving a kissing booth, another 'Beast' must be outrun (this time by the uninspiring Max Lloyd-Jones), another outfield wall collapses...you get the picture. And what this shameless ripoff cannot steal from the original, it manages to plunder from other movies (such as the scene in "Bad NewsBears" where Amanda takes a cheap shot to the chest near home plate).

The cast itself is incredibly lackluster. Max Lloyd-Jones is an inadequate replacement for Mike Vitar's benevolent Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez, although to be fair, the writing doesn't help him any; whereas Rodriguez selflessly places his own reputation on the line to take a shy, gawky kid under his wing for the summer, Lloyd-Jones' "David Durango" has little concern for the plight of misunderstood Johnnie Smalls (yes, the little brother of Scotty Smalls) and appears far more interested in being aloof and ultra-cool while scouting out love interests. Brett Kelly's "Hamilton Porter" impersonation begins and ends with his physical appearance. Even little James Wilson sounds suspiciously like Marcy from "The Peanuts Gang" as Johnnie Smalls, and he was probably the most talented of the bunch.

And then there is Teryl Rothery appearing in a hackneyed feminist role that undoubtedly had Susan B. Anthony turning in her grave. No cliché is left unturned as she chides her husband for calling his daughter by a pet name ("Female children are every bit as good as male children" she pronounces, providing an unsuspecting Johnnie Smalls with a smarmy look just oozing with resentment and general creepiness. *shudder*) and responds to her daughter's romantic uncertainties by telling her that "women need a man like a fish needs a bicycle". Sadly, the writers did not manage to have Rothery work a single utterance of "Burn your BRA for the ERA" into the mother/daughter dialog, but perhaps they will correct this glaring oversight in time for "Sandlot 3: The Gloria Steinem story". Coming soon to a theater near you?

The rest of the movie provides a quick cure for insomniacs far and wide as the writers desperately try to make amends for the first film's over-indulgence of testosterone (the phrase 'Male Chauvinist Pig' was repeated, I think,about eighty-six times). The movie's objective can probably be summed up in a single line, where the insult fest between the sandlot kids and the little leaguers is recreated. "You play ball like a GIRL!" one of the kids snarls. "Ex--CUSE me?" chirps one of the newfound female ballplayers. The only thing missing from the moment was a scrolling disclaimer at the bottom of the screen with the producers not only apologizing for the original scene but for everything else wrong with the world up to and including dishwater spots.

Which is all well and good. My only question is, when will these same producers get around to issuing an apology for stealing ninety-seven minutes of my life that I can never, ever get back?

If you've seen the original Sandlot movie, you will recognize numerous similarities in this sequel. The movie takes place ten years after the events of the first movie and revolves around a baseball team, which plays its games in the same sand lot as the original movie. The many similarities to the first film include a main character who is very fast, a chubby, curly-headed kid, and Mr. Mertle's dog, which plays a big role in the plot (again). In many ways, the movie is almost like someone found the old script and re-wrote it for a modern audience, changing the characters and story enough to make it a new movie, but keeping it similar enough to be true to the original story. If you're looking for an original piece that compliments the first one, this isn't really it. Like most sequels, this one tries to appeal to the audience of the original movie and takes few risks in covering any new territory, unless you count the inclusion of Sean Berdy as Sammy "Fingers" Samuelson, a deaf boy who provides an original comic distraction to the plot on more than one occasion.

Despite its similarities to the original, as a stand-alone piece, this is a nice little story and well worth watching, especially for the younger audiences who really liked the original Sandlot. If nothing else, the movie is entertaining and doesn't get bogged down with a complicated plot.

It's 1972, 10 years after the original movie. A new group of kids play at the Sandlot. Johnnie is the little brother of the original's Scott Smalls. He's launching a rocket when David Durango and his friends confront him. He almost burns the dugout down and only saved by Hayley Goodfarier living next to the Sandlot. Later, Hayley and her two girl friends dare to show up on the field. David faces off against her underhand pitching and they decide to join forces. When the ball goes over the wall, Johnnie recounts The Great Fear.

There is a nostalgic love for the original which is always going to be trouble for any sequel. This is essentially mission impossible. The original has a timeless perfection which this one struggles with. The addition of girls is an interesting turn. It's fun to twist the "You play like a girl" insult. The sense of time and place is not quite up to snuff. The small contained coming-of-age world is lost to some degree. The kiss at the carnival is the first good moment although the tag at the plate should have been a dropped ball. As it stands, it's simply a hard play and not a dirty play. Samantha Burton is not a natural actress. It's obvious she's there for her ball skills and she's also pretty cute. The acting from the kids are uneven but they do kinda grow on me. The cat claw contraption is hilariously childlike. It's reminiscent of the original but inferior. This could be a lot worse.

This film carried the burden of following up an American classic in the original, therefore being set up to be considered a disappointment by those (read: everyone/non-terrorists) who enjoyed the first. What saved The Sandlot 2 from being a complete disaster was a magnificent performance by the delightful Samantha Burton. Throughout the 97 minutes, Hayley Goodfairer will have you laughing, crying, before leaving you with a newfound belief in love with a kiss so passionate it rivals (dare I say surpasses?) the iconic kiss shared by the Notebook's Allie and Noah amidst the pouring rain. It was one of those once-in-a-generation performances where an actress puts the entire cast and crew on her shoulders and says "I will NOT let this movie suck!" Her ability to take a bunch of no-name actors and save them from the mediocrity that is their own talent (or lack thereof) when it is all said and done may go down as the single greatest cinematographic accomplishment since the invention of the moving picture. If she can stay away from the failings that often do in child stars, drugs, alcohol, hipsters with man-buns, I can say with as much certainty as I can say that I am going to die one day, that Samantha Burton will have won 15+ Oscars by the time it is all said and done.