Dwayne Johnson credited as playing...
Boxer Santaros • Jericho Cane
- Boxer Santaros: My character, he realizes that the apocalyptic crime rate is because of global deceleration. The rotation of the Earth is slowing down at a rate of point zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero six miles per hour each day, disrupting the chemical equilibrium in the human brain, causing very irrational criminal behavior.
- Roland Taverner: How does he stop the global deceleration?
- Boxer Santaros: Oh, he can't stop it. There is no stopping wat can't be stopped. Only God can stop it.
- Krysta Now: But The New York Times said: "God is dead."
- Boxer Santaros: So in the end, I die in a very tragic downtown shootout while whispering my theory to Dr. Muriel Fox, the oceanography disaster specialist.
- Krysta Now: Astrophysicist!
- Boxer Santaros: The oceanography disaster specialist... sweetheart. My character - his name is Jericho Kane.
- Boxer Santaros: Do you ever feel like there's a thousand people locked inside of you?
- Roland Taverner: Sometimes.
- Boxer Santaros: But it's your memory that keeps them glued together. Keeps all these people from fighting one another. Maybe in the end, that's all we have. The Memory Gospel.
- Boxer Santaros: It all hinges on a Top Secret experiment. A young couple comes home from the hospital with a newborn baby. A week goes by and the baby still hasn't produced a bowel movement.
- Roland Taverner: Maybe the baby's just constipated.
- Boxer Santaros: No, no, no, no. This is a *very* special baby. This baby processes energy differently.
- Roland Taverner: I haven't had a bowel movement in 6 days. I haven't taken a piss, either.
- Madeline Frost Santaros: Cock Chuggers Two: Cock Chuggin'? Who the fuck makes this shit? Huh?
- Boxer Santaros: Hey, hey, she just cut her own pop album.
- Senator Bobby Frost: "Teen horniness is not a crime. Keep an open heard and an open mind."
- Boxer Santaros: She's developing her own reality show, clothing line, perfume, and not to mention an energy drink which I tried, and her drink tastes really, really good. Can I see the Cock Chuggers?
- Boxer Santaros: [about Officer Taverner] Is he still alive?
- Serpentine: In more ways than one.
- Boxer Santaros: You made sure Taverner went through the time rift with me. Then you hit the SUV self-destruct trigger, by remote, which means I didn't kill myself.
- Serpentine: You're a pimp. Pimps don't commit suicide.
- Boxer Santaros: Oh, you got that right. And Roland Taverner and his twin brother... they're the same person, aren't they?
- Serpentine: Two identical souls walking the face of the earth, coexisting in the same dominion of chaos. What will happen if they shake hands.
- Boxer Santaros: The fourth dimension will collapse upon itself. You stupid bitch.
- Baron Von Westphalen: Our mission is to destroy Capitalism, dethrone God.
- Boxer Santaros: Officer Roland Taverner. That's who you want.