Emily Mortimer credited as playing...
Nicole
- Nicole: Would you like me to stay behind and help you?
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: That is a generous offer, Nicole, but I am quite sensitive to office gender politics. And in today's world, the slightest gesture can be misinterpreted as harrasment. And it is late, and I would prefer not to put you or me into that delicate situation. Agreed?
- Nicole: Yes, I agree.
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [gives her a quick kiss on her lips] Well, lets seal it with a kiss. And I'll get back to work.
- [slaps her on her butt as she goes out]
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Yes, politics. Where greed wears the mask of morality.
- Nicole: That's good. Did you say that?
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [looks around] Yes, I did.
- Nicole: Do you live by yourself, Inspector?
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Yes, I do.
- Nicole: Do you get lonely?
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: No, not really. Not since the Internet.
- Nicole: Well, that takes care of that. And welcome to Paris.
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Clouseau.
- Ticket Checker: I'm sorry, but your name is not on the list.
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Not on the list?
- Ponton: Dreyfus must have made sure you cannot get in.
- [Nicole makes a bird call, motioning for Clouseau and Ponton to meet her]
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Ponton.
- [he hums as he and Ponton stroll away from the main gate to meet Nicole]
- Nicole: Inspector, here is your bag.
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Good work, Nicole.
- Ponton: What is that?
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Camouflage. Let's go. Nicole.
- Nicole: Yes?
- Nicole: One last thing.
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Yes?
- [Clouseau removes her glasses]
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: It's evening, and you look beautiful without your glasses.
- Nicole: Thank you, inspector.
- [she squints, and bumps into a tree]
- Nicole: Oh, ow!
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [wearing wallpaper pattern disguises] Good work, Ponton. We're in. Look! It's the killer! After him! Change outfits.
- [They take off their masks. The palace guard arrives]
- Palace Guard: Stop! Turn around. Who are you? What are you doing here?
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: We are-- We are, we are two-- We are-- I'll tell you exactly who we are.
- Ponton: Yes.
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: We are -
- [Nicole arrives]
- Nicole: I have been looking for you two everywhere. Where the hell have you been?
- Palace Guard: You know these two?
- Nicole: [slightly annoyed] Of course I know them. They are Xania's back-up dancers. They go on in the third act with the Komodo dragon and the snow machine. Why do you think they are dressed like that, for fun?
- Palace Guard: Prove it.
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I don't have to prove -
- [the palace guard cocks his gun; Clouseau starts to dance and Ponton joins in the dance number while Xania continues singing]
- Nicole: [Clouseau and Ponton pant for breath after they've finished dancing] Can't you see these dancers are exhausted? Go and fetch them some water.
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [the palace guard leaves] That was fantastic.
- Nicole: [giggles] You think so?
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You are... an amazing woman.
- [He approaches Nicole to kiss her, only to be interrupted by Ponton]
- Ponton: Inspector, the killer.
- [Clouseau returns and kisses Nicole]
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Now I am ready to catch a killer.
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Nicole?
- Nicole: Yes?
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: May I be very frank with you?
- Nicole: Of course.
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You have put on a ton of weight. Now, what I do when I get a little heavy...
- [removes his magnifying glass spectacles]
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Never mind.
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Are you feeling better?
- Nicole: Yes, thank you. You are so good at it! Where did you learn that?
- Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I used to practice on mannequins, pillows; but frankly, it was the expression on your face that told me that you needed it.