Angus T. Jones credited as playing...
Jake Harper • Marlene Melnick
- Alan Harper: You're writing a report on The Taming Of The Shrew, not The Voyages Of Cap'n Crunch!
- Jake Harper: Too bad. I could write the crap out of that.
- Alan Harper: Okay... I'm not fooling around here...! You're gonna finish this DAMN BOOK and write the DAMN REPORT, and you're gonna hand it in on Monday, spell-checked, formatted AND ON FREAKIN' TIME!
- Jake Harper: I have my doubts, dad.
- Alan Harper: A movie would be fine.
- Charlie: All right. A movie it is. What's out that's good?
- Jake Harper: There's a new pirate movie. It's rated "Arrrr"!
- [Alan and Charlie doesn't laugh and just stare at him]
- Alan Harper: A little religion isn't gonna kill you.
- Jake Harper: Oh, yeah? What's *your* definition of "bloodsoaked vengeance"?