Joel David Moore credited as playing...
Bardo
- Bardo: Why are you such an asshole?
- Marvin Bushmiller: Now that's a great question. No, really. It really is. I am an asshole because... that is my true nature. Maybe it's everybody's true nature. Every single one of you looks like a fuckin' asshole to me, but... who knows? The difference between you and me is that I have gained the freedom to express my true nature. And what could be more beautiful than truth and freedom?
- Jimmy: [to Jerome] So... Who do you like?
- Jimmy: [Jerome is confused by the question, so Jimmy rephrases it] Who's your favorite artist, Jerome?
- Jerome: [Uncomfortable pause] Maybe, Picasso?
- Jimmy: I see... Very good... Our old friend "Pig-Ass-Hole," the nasty little dwarf who went his whole life without a single original thought... I presume you're joking, right?
- Bardo: [Jerome is too uncomfortable to speak, but Bardo nonchalantly chimes in] Jimmy's a Strathmore grad.
- Jimmy: Just look at me now!... Just think, Jerome, some day all this could be yours. You're going places, young man. I can feel it. But you really need to take some lessons in sucking cock and licking ass. Otherwise you might find yourself rotting away in some shit-hole, postponing suicide for the slim chance that you might one day, possibly, see some glorious plague or pestilence bring horrible suffering to your hateful species.
- Jimmy: [Jerome and Bardo look at each other in shocked silence, then let out uncomfortable snickers] What are you smiling about?
- Jimmy: [Jerome only shrugs, an uncomfortable grin etched on his face] Laugh away, laughing boy! I will stomp on your guts till they shoot out your ass! I will bury you alive and shit on your grave!
- Bardo: I'm a living cliché just like the rest of these guys. I'm the guy who keeps dropping out and changing his major just because he's afraid he really sucks at everything.
- Audrey: [Introducing herself to Jerome while at Shiloh's photo exhibit] Oh, hi. I'm Audrey, by the way.
- Bardo: [Butting in] So is that your real name, or are you just obsessed with Audrey Hepburn like every other art school chick?
- Audrey: [Unperturbed, holding up her necklace pendant] Actually, I was named after an old cartoon.
- Bardo: Oh, wow! Another ironic pop-culture reference. She's a keeper!
- [Goes off to help himself to more free refreshments]
- Bardo: The only trouble with that is: all those beatnik chicks are totally insane. Look. What you really want is a nice, innocent, suburban girl. Some freshman chick who hasn't been corrupted yet.