Ben Stiller credited as playing...
White Goodman
- Peter La Fleur: You really think you can come in here and buy me out, White, you're a lot dumber than I thought.
- White Goodman: Oh, I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you thought that I think that I thought that I was once.
- Amber: Justin! I love you!
- Justin: I love you t...
- White Goodman: [hits Justin in the face with a Dodgeball] Joanie loves Chachi!
- Peter La Fleur: You need some help leaving White?
- White Goodman: This doesn't concern you, Lafleur.
- Peter La Fleur: Not nearly as much as your hair does, that's for sure, but uh, I believe she asked you to leave.
- White Goodman: I get it, you caught the scent of a lesser stag in your nostrils. Pity. I'll let you have your little moment, LaFleur, 'cause after this tournament, your gym, your life - and your gal - are gonna be mine. To be continued.
- [Reaches up to caress her]
- Kate Veatch: [Judo-grabs White Goodman and slams his face into the wall, leaving a streak of makeup] You don't get to touch me, ever!
- Peter La Fleur: Okay, Romeo, let me help you up.
- White Goodman: Get off of me, don't you touch me! It is over between us, Kate. Nobody makes me bleed my own blood - nobody!
- White Goodman: Go ahead, make your jokes, Mr. Jokey... Joke-maker. But let me hit you with some knowledge. Quit now. Save yourself the embarrassment of losing with these losers in Las Vegas, La Fleur.
- Peter La Fleur: Alliteration aside, I'll take my chances in the tournament.
- White Goodman: Yeah, you will take your chances.
- Peter La Fleur: I know. I just said that.
- White Goodman: I know you just said that.
- Peter La Fleur: Okay, I'm not sure where you're going with this.
- White Goodman: Well, I'm not sure where *you're* going with this.
- Peter La Fleur: That's what I said.
- White Goodman: That's what I'm saying to *you*.
- Peter La Fleur: All right.
- White Goodman: ...Touché.
- Casino Worker: [a casino worker and a security guard wheels out a huge treasue chest] Here are your winnings, Mr. La Fleur. Congratuations.
- Peter La Fleur: Right on time. I appreciate it. Thanks, guys.
- White Goodman: [curious with anger] Winnings? What winnings? What winnings? What is that?
- Peter La Fleur: Oh, gosh! I totally forgot to tell you, White. I took the $100,000 bribe you gave me last night and I put on us to win. We were going at fifty to one. Anyone? Top of your head. What's 50 times $100,000?
- Owen: $50,000?
- Kate Veatch: $5 million! Peter, are you kidding me?
- Peter La Fleur: [opens the treasure chest, revealing stacks of cash] Surprise!
- White Goodman: We should mate.
- Kate Veatch: What?
- White Goodman: Date! We should date some time. Socially. Go out and kick it.
- [Kate retches, then forces it down]
- White Goodman: Are you okay?
- Kate Veatch: I'm fine. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
- White Goodman: In some cultures, they only eat vomit. I never been there, but I read about it... *in a book*.
- Peter La Fleur: Look, White, I know that we've had our differences in the past...
- White Goodman: Differences? Is that what you call sleeping with three of my female trainers?
- Peter La Fleur: That was one night.
- White Goodman: Or what about that strip-o-gram you sent me for the Globo Gym one year anniversary?
- Peter La Fleur: The stripper was meant to be congratulatory.
- White Goodman: It was also a man!
- White Goodman: Stick it in your ear, La Fleur. I wouldn't sell you your gym back for all of King Midas' silver. The gym is mine! So you can take your band of yellow-bellied losers and just crawl on outta here!
- Peter La Fleur: You're right, White. I can't make you sell back my gym, so I'll just take your advice and invest in something. Say... the controlling stake of Globo Gym.
- White Goodman: That's preposterous! I'd never allow it.
- Kate Veatch: Globo Gym is a publicly-traded company, there's nothing you can do about it.
- Peter La Fleur: So, I would control Globo Gym and... everything that Globo Gym owns. Which as of last night is Average Joe's Gym!
- [Average Joe's Team cheering]
- Peter La Fleur: I'm your new boss, White.
- White Goodman: You can't be my boss! Nobody's my boss! I'm my own boss! I created myself!
- Peter La Fleur: You're fired, pal.
- White Goodman: This is it, La 'Loser.' You ready for the, whoo, hurricane?
- Peter La Fleur: Just don't go cryin' to your mommy when I spank you in front of all these people, White.
- White Goodman: You don't go cryin' to your daddy after I wipe it up with your face.
- Peter La Fleur: Uh, White?
- White Goodman: Yeah?
- Peter La Fleur: You look awful fat in those pants.
- Kate Veatch: Are you reading the dictionary?
- White Goodman: Oh, you caught me. I like to break a mental sweat too.
- White Goodman: Yeah, I hope you're all happy now. Good guy wins, Bad guy loses. Big freaking surprise. I love happy endings. You know, that's the problem with... the American cinema: Can't handle any complexity in it, you know? "Don't make me think, I just wanna be entertained." All right, fine. You want a little something, something for the ride home? Check these boots out for size.
- Kate Veatch: [outside Kate's house] White? What are you doing here? How do you know where I live?
- White Goodman: It's called the Freedom of Information Act, Kate. The hippies finally got something right! Ha-ha! Just kidding. But not really.
- White Goodman: There's no reason we need to be shackled by the strictures of the employee-employer relationship. Unless you're into that sort of thing. In which case, I got some shackles in the back. I'm just kidding. But seriously, I've got 'em.
- Peter La Fleur: Hey, White. I didn't think that Nazi camp got out until eight. Did you decide to skip arts and crafts?
- White Goodman: Yes, I did.
- White Goodman: [a hyper-obese White watches the commercial for Average Joe's before turning off the TV in disgust] Spare me... I won that tournament... fuckin' Chuck Norris!