Danny DeVito credited as playing...
Amos Calloway
- [Amos returns from the woods after being a wolf for a night]
- Amos Calloway: Didn't kill anything, did I?
- Young Ed Bloom: A couple of rabbits, but I think one of 'em was already dead.
- Amos Calloway: That would explain the indigestion.
- Amos Calloway: Tell me, Karl, have you ever heard the term "involuntary servitude"?
- Karl: No.
- Amos Calloway: "Unconscionable contract"?
- Karl: Uh, nope.
- Amos Calloway: Great!
- Young Ed Bloom: I just saw the woman I'm going to marry. I know it. But I lost her.
- Amos Calloway: Oh, tough break. Well, most men have to get married *before* they lose their wives.
- Young Ed Bloom: I'm gonna spend every day for the rest of my life looking for her. That, or die alone!
- Amos Calloway: Damn, kid. Lemme guess. Real pretty? Reddish-blondish hair? Blue dress?
- Young Ed Bloom: Yeah!
- Amos Calloway: I know her uncle. Friends of the family.
- Young Ed Bloom: Who is she? Where does she live?
- Amos Calloway: Forget it kid, don't waste your time. She's out of your league.
- Young Ed Bloom: What do you mean? You don't even know me.
- Amos Calloway: Sure I do! You were hot shit back in Hickville, but here in the real world, you got squat! You don't have a plan, you don't have a job, you don't have anything except the clothes on your back.
- Amos Calloway: I haven't seen a customer this depressed since the elephant sat on that farmer's wife!
- Amos Calloway: [laughs, beat]
- Amos Calloway: Depressed?
- [Karl laughs]
- Amos Calloway: See, the big guy likes it.
- Young Ed Bloom: I just saw the woman I'm going to marry, and I lost her.
- Amos Calloway: You were a big fish in a small pond, but this here is the ocean and your drownin'. Take my advice, go back to Puddleville; you'll be happy there.