Children of the Living Dead

Wow...

I think cinema has found the new Ed Wood...and his name is John Russo. I rented this one just for sh*ts and giggles, mainly because I wanted to see a feature done by the folks who rape-...er...filmed the hilarious "Reverend Big Teeth" sequences for the "Night of the Living Dead: 30th Anniversary."

It's times like this that I mourn the passing of "Mystery Science Theater 3000," because this one would have been a top-rate contender. It actually boggles the mind how something THIS BAD could come out of ANYONE...even a total-hack like Russo.

If you're a cinema-masochist like me and enjoy getting belly rolls from horrible films, you really can't do any better than this. Abbott Hayes, the main baddie, is the funniest zombie you'll ever see. He looks like he's grooving to 70's funk music when he hunts down his victims. In fact, the "van-going-over-the-cliff" scene towards the beginning is the most unintentionally funny thing I've ever seen in a film...PERIOD.

Go rent it and give Russo the money so he and his team of fools can make more of these! As far as I'm concerned, they can stay in their delusional world and pump out as much of this horsesh*t as they want...I'll keep paying money to see the freak show!

I wouldn't necessarily call myself an expert, but I like zombie films. A lot. I watch any and all zombie films I can get my hands on. This is the first time I've ever thought "What the heck did I just waste an hour and a half watching?" I've even suffered through Shatter Dead and Bruno Mattei's Hell of the Living Dead and didn't think that.

The sound is atrocious...who in the world thought that looping almost the entire movie was a good idea? How did they afford to have Savini back to ADR ALL of his lines?! Was the make-up artist a student of his?! Geez...at least Savini looks better in this than he did in From Dusk Til Dawn. When I saw that, I started to fear for his life...

Handheld is fine and dandy...but why not spend the money for the "explosions" on SteadyCam rental? Or use a dolly more (wheelchair and a tripod, baby...read Stanley Kubrick's biography (the beige one) and Robert Rodriguez's Rebel Without a Crew!)?

The direction was...not so bad. Tor Ramsey has potential. Hopefully, his next movies will be better.

The script. Don't even get me started. I was intrigued to see that a woman wrote it...but it sucked. The dialogue was stilted and sounded like this was the first draft, the exposition was too bloody long and repeated too much, and that first scene needed to be cut a little. I began to wonder if Ms. Wolf had ever watched any horror films, much less any zombie movies.

Go watch Bio-Zombie...Lucio Fulci's The Beyond...Return of the Living Dead...geez, watch that Mattei crap, but just do yourself a favour and DON'T WATCH THIS.

I was even IN this movie (as an uncredited extra) and I knew at the time it was going to be bad. What I didn't realize was how bad bad could be.

I know one of the cameramen and he knew better how bad it was going to be but after seeing the stunning editing job they did, he too was amazed at the appalling disjointed quality of this film. I hesitate to use the word 'film' even. And don't use the word 'professionalism' either, as jelly was spilt on at least one roll of film and things had to be reshot. Why did they bother?

This film is the most hideous thing you can imagine. To give you an example of how bad this is, one of the reasons given why the dead are coming back to life is that the zombie king (?) was forced to cross dress as a child.

Yes, forget radiation, disease or nanotech, this time it's transvestitism that brings the dead out of their graves.

There is a scene where a car goes over a cliff. The FX brings to mind that old TV show where marionettes pilot a spaceship. The actors (?) say their line "No ahhh" while they die. This scene pretty well sums up the film.

This is a horrible, horrible film. There are not enough bad adjectives to describe it. You should see it simply because it is so horrible.

Children Of The Living Dead at time of writing currently has an outstandingly low 2.3 rating on IMDb. It's rare to see something that low but there is a story behind this weak zombie film.

Children Of The Living Dead was setup to be the next great zombie film, the stars were aligned as the cast and crew was packed full of legends within the industry and the film had a modest half a million dollar budget.

Sadly it wasn't meant to be. Nepotism ran rampant, friends and family were brought in instead of genuine talent and were given offensively high salaries. Morale was non-existent, arguments and creative issues were a daily occurrence and the end result was a terrible film that many have publicly slammed despite their part in it.

Tom Savini especially has been vocal, claiming it should have been something special but descended into something he regrets.

It has a real Romero feel to it and our antagonist is actually quite good. Sadly with weak looking zombies, terrible acting/writing and a conflicted tone the film is destined to be infamous for all the wrong reasons.

The Good:

Tom Savini

The Bad:

Gunplay is laughable

Shoddily made

Tone shifts

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

There is nothing to fear but fear itself.....and zombies