Gene Hackman: Royal Tenenbaum

The Royal Tenenbaums

Royal Tenenbaum

Royal: Anybody interested in grabbing a couple of burgers and hittin' the cemetery?

[Royal motions to Pagoda]
Royal: He saved my life, you know. Thirty years ago. I was knifed at a bazaar in Calcutta, and he carried me to the hospital on his back.
Ari: Who stabbed you?
[Royal motions to Pagoda again]
Royal: He did. There was a price on my head, and he was a hired assassin. Stuck me in the gut with a shiv.

Royal: I'm very sorry for your loss. Your mother was a terribly attractive woman.

[Royal's fake terminal illness has been exposed and he is being thrown out of the house]
Royal: Look, I know I'm going to be the bad guy on this one, but I just want to say the last six days have been the best six days of probably my whole life.
Narrator: Immediately after making this statement, Royal realized that it was true.

Royal: You know, Richie, this illness, this closeness to death... it's had a profound affect on me. I feel like a different person, I really do.
Richie: Dad, you were never dying.
Royal: But I'm going to live.

Royal: I've always been considered an asshole for about as long as I can remember. That's just my style. But I'd really feel blue if I didn't think you were going to forgive me.
Henry Sherman: I don't think you're an asshole, Royal. I just think you're kind of a son of a bitch.
Royal: Well, I really appreciate that.

Young Chas Tenenbaum: [about Margot's play] Well, what'd you think, Dad?
Royal: Didn't seem believable to me.
[to Eli]
Royal: Why are you wearing pajamas? Do you live here?
Young Richie Tenenbaum: He has permission to sleep over.
Young Chas Tenenbaum: Well, did you at least think the characters were well developed?
Royal: What characters? This is a bunch of little kids dressed up in animal costumes.
Young Margot Tenenbaum: Good night, everyone.
Royal: Well, sweetie, don't be mad at me. That's just one man's opinion.
[Margot gets up and gathers her presents just as Ethel comes in with the birthday cake and everyone starts singing Happy Birthday, which trails off as she leaves the room. Ethel glares at Royal]
Narrator: He had not been invited to any of their parties since.

[Richie tells his father Royal he's in love with Margot, his adopted sister]
Royal: Margot Tenenbaum?
Richie: Yeah.
Royal: Well, since when?
Richie: Since always.
Royal: Does she know?
Richie: Uh-huh.
Royal: Well, what does she feel about that?
Richie: I think she feels confused.
Royal: Well, I can understand that, it's probably illegal!
Richie: I don't think so, we're not related by blood.
Royal: That's true. It's still frowned upon. But then, what isn't these days, right?

Royal: Chas has those boys cooped up like a pair of jackrabbits, Ethel.
Ethel: He has his reasons.
Royal: Oh, I know that, but you can't raise boys to be scared of life. You gotta brew some recklessness into them.
Ethel: I think that's terrible advice.
Royal: No, you don't.

Royal: Got a minute?
Ethel: [startled] What are you doing here?
Royal: Uh, I need a favour. I want to spend some time with you and the children.
Ethel: Are you crazy?
[she carries on walking]
Royal: Well, wait a minute, dammit!
Ethel: Stop following me!
Royal: Well, I want my family back.
Ethel: Well, you can't have it! I'm sorry for you, but it's too late.
Royal: Well, listen... Baby, I'm dying.
[she stops]
Royal: Yeah, I-I'm sick as a dog. I'll be dead in six weeks. I'm dying.
Ethel: What are you talking about? What's happening? Oh, I'm sorry... I didn't know...
[starts crying]
Ethel: Well, what'd they say? What is the prognosis?
Royal: [trying to comfort her] Take it easy, Ethel. Now, hold on, baby, hold on. Hold on, OK?
[she starts wailing]
Ethel: Where is the doctor?
Royal: Well, look, just wait a second now. Wait a second. OK, uh, listen, I'm not dying... but I need some time. A month or so. OK? I want us to-to...
[she slaps him hard]
Ethel: WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? Are you crazy?
[she walks off]
Royal: Ethel, baby... I am dying.
[she comes back to him]
Ethel: Are you or aren't you?
Royal: What? Dying? Yeah.

Narrator: Margot Tenenbaum was adopted at age 2. Her father had always noted this when introducing her.
Royal: [at a dinner party] This is my adopted daughter, Margot Tenenbaum.

[Royal is telling his children that he and their mother are splitting up]
Young Margot Tenenbaum: Is it our fault?
Royal: No, no. Obviously, we made certain sacrifices as a result of having children, but no, Lord, no.
Young Richie Tenenbaum: Then why'd she ask you to leave?
Royal: I don't really know anymore. Maybe, uh, I wasn't as true to her as I could have been.
Young Chas Tenenbaum: Well, she said...
Royal: Let's just drop it, shall we, Chassie?

Royal: First thing I want to do is take you out to see your grandmother, at some point.
Richie: I haven't been out there since I was 6.
Margot: I haven't been out there at all, I was never invited.
Royal: Well, she wasn't your real grandmother, and I never knew how much interest you had, uh, sweetie. Anyway, you're invited now.
Richie: You know, Rachael's buried out there too.
Royal: Who?
Chas: My wife.
Royal: Oh, that's right, isn't it. Well, we'll have to swing by her grave too.
[Chas slams his book shut and angrily walks out]

Peter Bradley: [interviewing Eli Cash on television] Now, your previous novel...
Eli: Yes, Wildcat.
Peter Bradley: Not a success. Why?
Eli: Well... Wildcat was written in a kind of obsolete vernacular...
[long pause as he starts to become spaced out]
Eli: [whispering] Wildcat... wild... cat... pow... wildcat...
[he gets up]
Eli: I'm gonna go. I'm taking this off and I'm going. Stepping out.
Royal: [watching the television] What the hell kind of way to act is that?
Richie: He's on drugs.