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Bill Bailey, Tamsin Greig, and Dylan Moran in Black Books (2000)

Quotes

Black Books

Edit
  • Bernard: [selling a book] Enjoy. It's dreadful, but it's quite short.
  • Fran: It'll be great seeing them all again, it'll be like being back at school!
  • Bernard: You hated being at school, you had a terrible time.
  • Fran: I never told you about that.
  • Bernard: You didn't have to, I just look at your life now and work backwards!
  • Bernard: Whores will have their trinkets.
  • Bernard: [grabs a book at random] This one's good, you'll laugh, you'll cry, it'll change your life!
  • Bernard: [hangover] No Doctors! Doctors are Satanists! That's why they write Ambulance backwards.
  • Chalkboard: Don't.
  • Bernard: Natural Selection favours the loud and aggressive, no offense, but genetically you are a cul-de-sac.
  • Bernard: Don't you DARE use the word "Party" as a verb in my shop!
  • Bernard: I can feel pieces of my brain falling away like a wet cake.
  • Fran: Buy this!
  • Bernard: What is it?
  • Fran: It's a thing.
  • Bernard: She remembers, and I'm not allowed to.
  • Bernard: The little man in my hair is getting very annoyed.
  • Fran: In Tibet you know what they do when they want something? They give something away!
  • Bernard: Really? That must be why they're such a Dominant Global Power...
  • Bernard: And what am I supposed to do while you're doing the Underpants Charleston with this insane, blind tart?
  • Bernard: Every Day is another Betrayal.
  • Chalkboard: No Anecdotage.
  • Bernard: It's not working out.
  • Manny: But I'm good with the customers, I sold lots of books!
  • Bernard: It's not that kind of operation...
  • Manny: What's the "L" for?
  • Bernard: Ludwig, you know, like Beethoven.
  • Manny: Ludwig? Why would your parents...
  • Bernard: [Bernard gives him a stern look]
  • Bernard: Lies! Subterfuge! Seething Corruption!
  • Chalkboard: Can't.
  • Bernard: This isn't Waterstones!
  • Manny: I wish I'd never been born.
  • T-shirt: Veterans of Disorder.
  • Bernard: I only want French spoken in my Kitchen! An n' est pas anything else!
  • [fires crossbow bolt at an Ambience]
  • Bernard: Putin!
  • Fran: I miss my shop.
  • Bernard: You hated your shop.
  • Fran: Yes, but hating it took up a big part of my life. I'm disconnected now, I keep buying little things to cheer myself up.
  • Bernard: They keep coming! THEY'RE LIKE A NEST OF PIGS!
  • Chalkboard: No giggling.
  • Chalkboard: No Chatting, No Smiling, Absolute Silence!
  • Bernard: Why would I want to do that, when I can do this?
  • [moshing]
  • Chalkboard: No Prehensilizing!
  • Bernard: I'm cold! I've got Tinnitus, Chilblains and Thrush!
  • T-shirt: Flipper Dolphin Steaks.
  • Bernard: I have spoken!
  • Fran: Shh, Manny! It's the beetroot talking!
  • Bernard: He doesn't know the alphabet! He can't read
  • [raises Manny's hair for emphasis]
  • Bernard: at all!
  • Manny: You have a heart of stone!
  • Fran: I always thought of it as a piece of Flint.
  • Bernard: Oh, no! More hobbledehoy!
  • Bernard: [Hungover] Who are you? Have I joined a Cult?
  • Bernard: This is a bookshop, Manny. What's wrong with that?
  • Bernard: I love my thumbs.
  • Bernard: You nearly hurt me in the shoulder, there!
  • Fran: [Wrestling Bernard] Say Peanuts!
  • Bernard: Back to Reality!
  • Bernard: I've discovered Television!
  • Dave Mouse-Ears Smith: It's Dealer's Choice...
  • Tishtayan Granny: The Bonds of Third Cousinhood cannot be broken!

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Bill Bailey, Tamsin Greig, and Dylan Moran in Black Books (2000)
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What was the official certification given to Black Books (2000) in Canada?
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