The ridiculously titled "Porno Holocaust" is a strange, potent mix of horror and pornography from the maligned sleaze maestro, Joe D'Amato. D'Amato is sometimes referred to as the "Evil Ed Wood", and it's true that he churned out a surfeit of garbage movies in search of a quick buck, but Ed Wood never made a movie as good as "Buio Omega", and never did he have D'Amato's skill as a lensman (D'Amato worked with both Godard and Jean Renoir behind the camera).
The movie begins with a group of scientists boarding a ship to take them to some far off place where nuclear testing was conducted in the '50s, and "monsters" have been sighted, or some such thing. They have barely gotten off the boat when a wanton young lady among their number tears the clothes off her husband but he leaves her unsatisfied. She is still naked when another young female scientist enters the room. They exchange slaps across the face before tumbling into bed with each other for a prolonged lesbian scene.
Later, the pretty female scientist who just liaised with the unfulfilled one goes to what appears to be a kind of brothel for women, staffed by black men, who sit around chatting in the nude. She has sex with two of them at once, giving blowjobs and doing full penetration, which surprised me. I thought this was a softcore flick, partly because the women in it are too good looking to be full-on porn stars, but maybe I've just been spoiled by the PornHub age.
Another of the crew is a beautiful woman with skin so dark I assumed she were black, but I think she might just have an extraordinary tan. She heads to the beach with the captain and wastes no time in stripping nude in front of him. Of course, they then have sex on the beach.
The captain is played by a guy pseudonymously known as Mark Shannon, allegedly the first Italian actor to have sex on camera.
He puts his tongue straight in her mouth, which is kind of disgusting, and is then shown going down on her in graphic detail. They also sixty-nine, so I guess although the women in the movie might be better looking than your average porn stars, the sex is no less by-numbers. You almost believe the characters have feelings for each other, but then their first sexual encounter probably couldn't have been achieved without an assistant director telling them when to switch to the next position.
The enormous George Eastman, known from D'Amato's infamous "Anthropophagous", is also in the movie, I guess playing a scientist, which is what most of the characters are.
At forty-five minutes in the hypersexual crew finally visits the island, where we finally get some horror movie tricks - ie. point of view shots, deep breathing on the soundtrack. I didn't mention yet that the movie is almost two hours long. I guess all the sex really pads it out.
Despite supposedly being on the island for professional, scientific purposes, the ladies waste little time in stripping down to their bikinis - surprisingly not naked. Sample of their scientific dialogue:
"Does your pussy still hurt?"
"More than you know. Those black b*stards really busted my hole. But what a magnificent f*ck!"
The men just leave the women while they go and do their job. Aren't the women supposed to be scientists as well?
You'll never believe what the women do in their absence, aside from that charming conversation. Yes, it's another lesbian scene. Those scientists just can't keep their hands off each other.
Unsurprisingly the captain and tanned girl also have sex again. Their positions look uncomfortable and unpleasant.
The movie finally delivers the horror at about an hour and a quarter in. A guy with a mask that makes him look like a generic zombie attacks the sexually uninterested guy while he is in the ocean, grabbing him by the neck and drowning him. This is a surprisingly non-violent and boring way to off him. But wait!
He then approaches the guy's sex-mad spouse, and forces her to give him a blowjob!
I knew the movie was a mix of horror and porn, but I didn't realise we'd get both in the same scene.
The lady apparently dies from oral sex, perhaps choked by the mutant's penis.
The mutant kills some other guy by hitting him with a rock, and another apparently with a tree branch. These scenes are far more gory than such an injury would probably be in real life. Both men look like they have a plate of meatballs on their faces as a result of a single collision.
The dark skinned girl meets another mutated man, this one clearly a black man that the mutation seems to have exaggerated his Negroid features. His nose is much wider, and the nostrils bigger. He knocks the dark skinned girl out and takes her to a clearing some place.
There's some more lame death scenes, another mutant sexual assault, and then our final boy and girl finally have the bright idea of leaving this island. They're not so traumatised by the experience that they don't have sex on the boat on the way back.
"Porno Holocaust" isn't as bad as it might have been, but that's about as good as I can say about it. The actor Mark Shannon, allegedly the O.G. Italian pornstar, has warts on his scrotum that are visible in all of his sex scenes, if that helps you at all.
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