Seann William Scott credited as playing...
E. L.
- E.L.: Think about it Josh, you're in college. The window of opportunity to drink and do drugs and take advantage of young girls is getting smaller by the day.
- E.L.: I thought I told you to mail this yesterday?
- Rubin: Yeah, I posted it this morning.
- E.L.: [Josh watches for a second, then the reality hits him] OH FUCK!
- [Josh scrabbles on the floor for the video]
- E.L.: W-w-w-wait a second. Tell me you mailed the Beth tape to Tiffany.
- [Josh nods]
- E.L.: Yes!
- Josh: Shit! Oh, no! Oh, no!
- Barry: Hey, hey.
- Josh: What?
- Barry: Did you make a copy? Because if you made a copy we could watch the copy.
- E.L.: Well, there are these rules that guys have, an understanding as to what exactly constitutes cheating. Take your situation for example: it's not cheating. It's never cheating when you're in a different area code, not to mention a different state.
- Kyle: That makes no sense.
- E.L.: Hey, don't look at me Kyle, OK, I didn't make up the rules.
- Rubin: No no, this is legit, I- I've actually read an article about this. There's a whole bunch of them, it's like- they're like loopholes. Right, for argument's sake, let's say that you were sleeping with two girls at the same time, it- it wouldn't be cheating because they would cancel each other out.
- E.L.: Exactly. Or if, uh, you're too wasted to remember- it is not cheating. Because if you can't really remember it, it never really took place.
- E.L.: Hey, it's 10 feet. Bob Hope could jump this in his golf cart. See, watch, I can spit across it.
- E.L.: [trying to convince Josh to have sex with Beth] Your dick will never forgive you.
- [bends down to talk to Josh's dick]
- E.L.: What do you think, little man? Don't you ever want to experience something new?
- [pretends to be Josh's dick with squeaky high pitched voice]
- E.L.: It ain't easy being Josh's penis. Nothing has happened for two months. It feels like I'm in a coma. I wish I was your dick, EL, because this is torture. If something doesn't happen soon, I'm just going to pack up my balls and leave.
- Carla: [answering the phone] Hello?
- Josh: Hi Carla, it's Josh. I'm sorry to bother you. Is Tiffany around?
- Carla: Tiffany is not here. She didn't sleep here last night, again, and it'd be great if one hour went by where you didn't call.
- Josh: Right.
- Carla: [Angrily] If she wanted to talk to you, she'd call you. Deal with it.
- Josh: [Hanging up the phone frustrated] Bitch.
- E.L.: Did she sound hot?
- E.L.: Just copy off someone.
- Josh: I can't. It's all essay and stuff. You know, if I fail this, my average is shot, I might lose my financial aid, I could not be allowed on campus next semester.
- E.L.: Well, you're fucked, then. You might as well come to my party tonight, hook up with Beth, and at least enjoy your last week at college.
- Josh: I'm not hooking up with anybody, alright? I've made a commitment to Tiffany. I'm invested in this relationship.
- E.L.: Invested? Who are you, Charles Schwab? Would you listen to yourself? I would give my life for one night of consensual sex with her.