- [first lines]
- Big Red: I'm sexy, I'm cute, / I'm popular to boot.
- Big Red, Whitney, Courtney, Darcy, Carver, Kasey, Torrance Shipman: I'm bitchin', great hair, / The boys all love to stare, / I'm wanted, I'm hot, / I'm everything you're not, / I'm pretty, I'm cool, / I dominate this school, / Who am I? Just guess, / Guys wanna touch my chest, / I'm rockin', I smile, / And many think I'm vile, / I'm flyin', I jump, / You can look but don't you hump, / Whoo / I'm major, I roar, / I swear I'm not a whore, / We cheer and we lead, / We act like we're on speed, / Hate us 'cause we're beautiful, / Well we don't like you either, / We're cheerleaders, / We are cheerleaders. /Roll call...
- Big Red: Call me Big Red.
- Whitney: I'm W-W-Whitney.
- Courtney: C-C-C-C-Courtney.
- [Courtney makes cat snarl]
- Darcy: Dude, it's Darcy.
- Carver: I'm big bad Carver. Yeah!
- Kasey: Just call me Kasey!
- Big Red: I'm... still Big Red, / I sizzle, I scorch, / But now I pass the torch, / The ballots are in, / And one girl has to win, / She's perky, she's fun, / And now she's number one, / K-K-Kick it Torrance, / T-T-T-Torrance!
- Torrance Shipman: I'm strong and I'm loud, / I'm gonna make you proud, / I'm T-T-T-Torrance, / Your captain Torrance.
- Whitney, Courtney, Darcy, Carver, Kasey, Torrance Shipman, Jan, Les: Let's go Toros. /We are the Toros, / The Mighty Mighty Toros, / We're so terrific, / We must be Toros.
- Courtney: Can she yell?
- Torrance Shipman: We'll try an oldie.
- [Torrance tests a standard cheer on her]
- Torrance Shipman: Awesome, oh wow! Like, totally freak me out! I mean, right on! The Toros sure are number one!
- Missy: [cheering] I transferred from Los Angeles, your school has no gymnastics team, this is a last resort!
- [back to normal tone]
- Missy: OK, so I've never cheered before. So what? How about something that actually requires neurons?
- Football Player #1: Jan's got spirit, yes he do!
- Football Player #2: Jan's got spirit, how bout you?
- Jan: Dude! You just lost!
- Torrance Shipman: You're a great cheerleader, Aaron, and you're cute as hell, but maybe you're just not "boyfriend" material.
- Jan: They don't go, we win; once again, we're the best.
- Torrance Shipman: I define being the best as competing against the best there is out there and beating them. They have to go.
- Cheerleaders: [Cheerleaders from opposing team] Hey, Toros! / That's right / The red black and white / Guess What / Guess What / You really SUCK!
- Torrance Shipman: Hey...
- Torrance Shipman, Courtney, Whitney, Kasey, Darcy, Missy, Jan, Les: That's all right. That's OK! / You're gonna pump our gas someday! / That's all right. That's OK! / You're gonna pump our gas someday!
- [last lines]
- Cliff: So, second place... how does it feel?
- Torrance Shipman: It feels like first.
- [they kiss]
- Missy: [Cliff is looking ahead at Torrance. Suddenly Missy blocks his view, her bikini-clad chest right in his line of sight] Hey, perv.
- Cliff: Gahhh!
- Missy: Hand over your fifteen bucks or get out of here.
- Cliff: What are you doing?
- Missy: Making money from guys oogling my goodies.
- Cliff: Aww, I didn't need to hear that. That was an over-share.
- Torrance Shipman: Courtney, this is not a democracy, it's a cheerocracy. I'm sorry, but I'm overruling you.
- Courtney: You are being a cheer-tator Torrance and a pain in my ass!
- Missy: See, I'm a hardcore gymnast. No way jumping up and down yelling "Go Team Go!" is gonna satisfy me.
- Torrance Shipman: We're gymnasts too, except no beams, no bars, no vault.
- Torrance Shipman: [Torrance is stressed after knowing they had stolen Clovers' routine] Do you know what this means? My entire cheerleading career has been a lie.
- Missy: Well, look on the bright side - It's only cheerleading!
- Torrance Shipman: I *am* only cheerleading.
- Missy: You ripped off those cheers!
- Torrance Shipman: Excuse me, Missy, our cheers are 100% original. Count the trophies!
- Missy: Well, your trophies are bullshit, and you're a sadass liar.
- Torrance Shipman: All right, that's it! Get out of the car, I'm gonna kick your ass!
- Cliff: [after Missy leaves] I begged my mom for a brother.
- Torrance Shipman: He'd look a little ridiculous in that bikini, wouldn't he?
- Isis: You wanna make it right? Then when you go to Nationals... bring it. Don't slack off because you feel sorry for us. That way, when we beat you, we'll know it's because we're better.
- Torrance Shipman: Oh, I'll bring it. Don't worry.
- Isis: I never do.
- Aaron: You're a great cheerleader, Tor, and you're cute as hell. Maybe you're just not "captain" material.
- Sparky: I want you to think of what you ate today. Got it? Now cut that in half, this is called a diet, people, everyone start one today! Darcy, you should stop eating. You see, when you skip a meal, your body feeds off its fat stores. And if you skip enough, maybe your body will eat your ass!
- Kasey: Except, it's gonna cost us $2,000.
- Darcy: Do I have the letters 'A-T-M' tatooed on my forehead?
- Torrance Shipman: I was thinking more D-A-D-D-Y.
- Sparky: I understand you have underwear up your ass right now, but it beats the hell out of a shattered skull. Think about it.
- Torrance Shipman: If we're gonna be the best, we have to have the best. Missy's the poo,
- [whispered]
- Torrance Shipman: so take a big whiff!
- Torrance Shipman: We should get Big Red a gift. Or at least someone should say something.
- Courtney: Pass!
- Whitney: Good riddance. I don't believe in osmosis.
- Torrance Shipman: I'm not brown-nosing! She's the departing captain; she did a lot for this squad.
- [Courtney and Whitney both give her looks]
- Torrance Shipman: Oh, come on, both of you sucked before she whipped you into shape.
- Courtney: Oh, whipped? Is that what that was?
- Whitney: No one will miss Big Red, Torr. She puts the 'itch' in bitch.
- Courtney: She puts the 'whore' in horrifying.
- Torrance Shipman: You know, it's her last practice; how would you feel?
- Courtney: Big Red has no feelings!
- Whitney: Just testicles.
- Torrance Shipman: Ever been to a cheerleading competition?
- Missy: Oh, you mean like a football game?
- Torrance Shipman: No, not a game, those are like practices for us. I'm talking about a tournament. ESPN cameras all around. Hundreds of people cheering.
- Cliff: Wait a minute, people cheering... cheerleaders?
- Torrance Shipman: That's right. Lots of people. Here's the deal, Missy. We're the shit, the best. We work hard, have fun, and win national championships. I'm offering you a chance to be a part of that.
- Theatre Boy: [performing] Give my regards to Broadway, remember me to Harold Square...
- Courtney: Excuse me! What's... with... the song?
- Theatre Boy: Isn't this the audition for Pippin?
- Courtney: [waves finger] No.
- Football Player #1: Why don't you let your cheerleaders come out and play for you, at least they win shit occasionally.
- Toros Quarterback: Ah, is that all you've got?
- Toros Tight End: Yeah, bring it on buttplug!
- Football Player #1: You want more? Alright, while we're out here kicking your ass, your cheerboys are over there, scamming on all your squirrel.
- Football Player #2: Which is cool, since you ain't got dicks anyway!
- Toros Quarterback: Hehe, bitch!
- [they fight as both benches clear]
- Torrance Shipman: You know, mothers have killed to get their daughters on squads.
- Christine Shipman: That mother didn't kill anybody. She hired a hit man.
- Missy: So is every game that eventful?
- Torrance Shipman: No, thank God. We have a real situation on our hands. I mean, we were humiliated on our own turf.
- Missy: We might have to have a rumble.
- Torrance Shipman: This is a serious problem!
- Missy: Oh, so is your breath.
- Kasey: Courtney'll get captain. The guys love touching her butt.
- Darcy: Yeah, she's got a lot to hang on to. What's the plural for 'butt'? On one person, I mean.
- Carver: She puts the "ass" in "massive".
- [Bends over to pick sometihng up, unknowingly sticking her butt right in Darcy's face]
- Darcy: You put the "lewd" in "deluded".
- Missy: I don't know what's scarier, neurotic cheerleaders or the pressure to win. I could make a killing selling something like Diet Prozac.
- Been-Crying-For-Hours Girl: [at cheerleading auditions, a girl comes out looking devastated] R-C-H
- [starts blubbering and crying pathetically]
- Been-Crying-For-Hours Girl: Toros all the way!
- [continues crying]
- Been-Crying-For-Hours Girl: I'm sorry, I just broke up with my boyfriend.
- Big Red: This season should've been gravy, ok? I handpicked the squad, I delivered an idiot-proof routine... Now, Platter... nationals, hello?
- Torrance Shipman: Don't you mean a stolen routine?
- Big Red: Don't be so naive, Torrance. Look, the truth is I was real leader, ok? I did what I had to do to win a nationals. And ever since I handed the reins over to you, you've run my squad straight into the ground! If I made any mistake as a squad leader, it wasn't borrowing cheers. It was announcing you as my successor.
- Torrance Shipman: Get lost, freak... or I'll tell all your friends that you were at a cheerleading competition!
- Justin Shipman: [suddenly filled with dread] You wouldn't!
- Torrance Shipman: Oh... I would.
- Sparky: I am a choreographer. That's what I do. You are cheerleaders. Cheerleaders are dancers who have gone retarded. What you do is a tiny, pathetic subset of dancing. I will attempt to turn your robotic routines into poetry, written with the human body. Follow me, or perish, sweater monkeys.
- Courtney: I hate to be predictable, but I don't give a shit! We learned that routine fair and square. We logged the man-hours. Don't punish the squad for Big Red's mistake. This isn't about cheating. This is about winning. Everyone in favor of winning?
- Aaron: We'll be reunited at Cal State Dominguez Hills! I'll be the experienced sophomore, you'll be the hot new freshman. It'll be just like high school, only better. Dorm rooms.
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