Here on Earth

I only rented this film because I had a free coupon, was home alone, and wanted a sappy movie. I guess I didn't think it was so bad because it's what I was in the mood for at the time. Yes, the movie was somewhat predictable, but it did have a decent story line which carried some meaning. It's definitely not a movie for the intellectual crowd, but I think most teens looking for a good romance will enjoy it. Chris Klein was very handsome in this movie, so if your a fan of his, you will like that aspect of it. Also, have a box of tissues nearby!

Films like this are one of the many things that give Hollywood its bad reputation among independent creative artists. Being at the advanced age of twenty-four and already having had two girlfriends (okay, one girlfriend and one exceptionally good female friend) die on me, I turned the DVD off feeling insulted. Mr. Cranky's review of the film says it all, but I thought I would offer some of my own personal commentary just to embellish the point.

Ever heard the saying "convert ****holes who, having accepted Jesus into their hearts, remain ****holes"? Well, this film is a living example of it. I had as much sympathy for the characters in this film as I would have for a baked potato, and that did not change one iota by the end. The dead mother plot device might have done it for me - quite frankly, I would be very indifferent if my mother died, especially if she had done so when I was about ten years younger. Plot points follow this paragraph, by the way, but you might save yourself a lot of boredom if you just read them.

The manner in which we are supposed to feel sympathy for Leelee Cantactworthadamn's character is simple. The writers and director decide to give her cancer. Apparently, she has broken her knee playing sports before, and the doctors tell her crying family that the possibility of a tumour growing in her leg as a result was "always a possibility". What the f***? Having had a cancer dug out of my face myself, resulting in similar disfigurement to what Cybill Shepherd is reputedly going through at the moment, I find this plot device even more insulting now than I did when I saw the film. I will not feel sympathy for a cardboard cut-out if she dies of cancer, and I will want to kill her myself if she is afflicted with cancer via such a lousy, insulting, and just plain inconsistent with the facts setup as this. Hell, her family must belong to the HMO from Hades if cancer as the result of a knee injury was "always a possibility", and yet it spreads throughout her body so far it cannot be rectified before anyone even notices!

Of course, another source of eternal amusement is the contribution of music by Tori Amos, a woman who still apparently wishes she was more unusual than the chew-toys in breakfast cereals. I'd love to see the look on her face after being played some of the record collection I've put together after years of living in circumstances that would make the writers of this film shudder in terror. Which brings me to another point - when the hell is Hollywood going to stop insulting us with these pseudo-alternative films and present us with something truly exceptional again? One could could the current Lord Of The Rings trilogy, but that is only exceptional because of good source material and a quirky director. Hell On Earth, by comparison, seems geared to prove that Hollywood is only geared towards a very narrow, rigid demographic.

In case I haven't impressed upon you how bad this trash is, let me close by just saying that this film's entire plot was done a billion times better in about twenty minutes of Groundhog Day.

Here On Earth is about opposite people who fall in love. They must change their whole lives to be together. Samantha is a teenager from a family with limited income. She has always dated Jasper. They love each other and will be together forever. At least that's what they thought before a boy named Kelly came into the picture. Kelly is a rich kid from the other side of town. Kelly and Jasper are in a car race and accidentally hit Samantha's family diner which causes it to catch fire and be destroyed. Kelly and Jasper then help rebuild the diner. Kelly and Samantha begin to like each other, and now Samantha must choose. Does she go with Jasper who she's been with forever, or does she go with Kelly who is different? She falls for Kelly, but it wasn't easy. They have numerous problems, everything from flashbacks of a parent's suicide to one of them getting cancer. Through thick and thin their love holds them together.

The main intention of director Mark Pizanrski was to show that if we want something bad enough. we will do anything to get it. Kelly and Samantha wanted to be together. They change their whole life to be with each other. They stood up to people they loved and had to face tough situations. But in the end it was worth it. Samantha declares that `some people live their whole lives and never fall in love, I lived my life and I fell in love.' All the hard work had been worth it. This is to me what Pizanrski wanted to get across.

My favorite part of the movie is the characters. They do such fine acting that the audiences feel as if they are a part of it. The characters will make them laugh and cry at the same time. Without the excellent acting of the cast, Here On Earth would not have been a success. They are what make the movie entertaining.

Plot

A rich college kid is taught a lesson after a joy ride ends up destroying a country restaurant.

Cast

A stellar cast featuring Chris Klein, Josh Hartnett, Josh Hartnett, Michael Rooker, Bruce Greenwood and Annette O'Toole even though she's offensively underused here.

Verdict

The movie starts relatively well, sure the characters come off as obnoxious but the fantastic 90's rock soundtrack really sets the tone and the film had my attention. Sadly that's the only time it had my attention for a good reason, I had a chip on my shoulder for the entire film because of the themes.

Without spoilers the core theme is girl loves boy, boy loves girl bad boy who is a horrible character with no redeeming features and is presented as an arrogant tool throughout comes along, girl cheats on boy with dirtbag and that's actually a love story. You think that's the setup for a story of forgiveness and redemption? Nope, that is the story.

Who is this for? A love triangle featuring two scumbags and the victim caught in it all. The film actually made me angry that this is not only the way it played out but also that this was presented as love and romance. One reviewer's title is talking about when you find love you need to hold onto it, whereas this film is about the literal opposite.

Disgusting film, I have no idea what they were thinking when they made this.

Rants

Who has been cheated on here? Raise your hand. I'm betting if you're reading this you have been. Do you think your ex (Hopefully you had the good sense to walk away) could be constituted as a the good guy in that story? No, cheaters are scum in every sense of the word. Don't want to be with someone? Don't be with them, but don't break their heart and don't make movies where the heartbreaker is made out to be a good person and the theme to be about "Love".

Breakdown

Great soundtrack Solid cast Awful premise Dreadful characters.

This film is a genuine five-hanky tearjerker that slathers on the schmaltz thick as marmalade. The story begins with a rivalry between a group of prep school boys and local townies that have a reckless car race that ends up burning down a local diner and gas station. The judge sentences the two drivers to a summer of community service rebuilding the diner. Kelley (Chris Klein) is a spoiled rich boy with attitude. Jasper (Josh Hartnett) is a local hick with a good heart and a bad temper. Needless to say, the two boys hate each other. To complicate matters, Jasper's girlfriend Samantha (Leelee Sobieski) is developing a serious case of the hots for Kelley. They begin an affair complete with dewy looks, running through fields, stolen glances and every other schmaltzy film technique ever invented.

The prep/townie rivalry escalates into a love triangle with all the foreseeable showdowns and confrontations. Just when everyone is working themselves into a good lather it is discovered that Samantha is seriously ill. Pass the Kleenex.

The film has some very sweet moments but the story is far too formulaic and predictable. It has the feel of a TV movie, which is not surprising since director Mark Piznarski has mostly TV projects on his resume. To his credit, the cinematography was beautiful and his choice of locations was superb. The overlook scenes were particularly lovely.

Chris Klein gave an adequate performance, but was not very dynamic and a little stiff. I felt that he was much better in `American Pie' playing a more sincere character. He seems like too nice a guy to play this spoiled and arrogant rich kid. Leelee Sobieski was a good choice for Samantha. She comes across as very vulnerable and sweet. She was adept at capturing the delicate teenage balance between tentativeness and determination. I actually liked Josh Hartnett better than I did Klein. Perhaps he was better suited for his character, but he seemed a lot more believable as Jasper.

This is a great chick flick. It is sentimental, romantic, endearing and sad. Guys are likely to spend most of the movie writhing in their seats. Unfortunately, it wasn't very original and suffered from too many clichés. I rated it a 6/10. Add one or two points if you like sentimental romances and another if you like a movie that makes you cry. A good film for girls' night out.