- Major Upshott-Bagley: [writing to Mrs Upshott-Bagley] The heat is appalling. The flies are merciless. Wish you were here.
- Major Upshott-Bagley: Great Scott - I've been posted.
- Sergeant Potty Chambers: Request overseas posting, effective immediately, Officer Commanding, Upshott-Bagley, Major. Bad luck sir.
- Major Upshott-Bagley: Bad luck? It's more than that. It's a bally tragedy. What am I going to do about Cynthia?
- Sergeant Potty Chambers: I thought Mrs Upshott-Bagley's name was Ursula, sir.
- Major Upshott-Bagley: I am referring to my prize pig, Cynthia. My wife is another matter entirely.
- Cpl. Springer: When I first joined the Kate, my dear old man give me the benefit of the rich storehouse of his experience, got by four years of dodging the column in World War I. Son, he said to me, there are only two things you've got to remember in the army - always draw two more blankets than the issue, and never never volunteer for nothing.
- Popeye Popplewell: What's this then?
- Pvt. 'Professor' Hatchett: Oh - that's your mosquito net.
- Popeye Popplewell: Ridiculous. You'd never catch a mosquito in that - there's no 'andle.