Tracey Ullman credited as playing...
Nell Van Dort • Hildegarde
- Nell Van Dort: [singing] It's a beautiful day!
- William Van Dort: [singing] It's a rather nice day.
- Nell Van Dort: [singing] A day for a glorious wedding!
- William Van Dort: A rehearsal, my dear, to be perfectly clear.
- Nell Van Dort: A rehearsal for a glorious wedding!
- William Van Dort: Assuming nothing happens that we don't really know.
- Nell Van Dort: That nothing unexpected interferes with the show.
- Nell Van Dort, William Van Dort: [singing] And that's why everything, every last little thing, every single tiny microscopic little thing must go...
- Nell Van Dort: [singing] According to plan!
- William Van Dort: Our son will be married!
- Nell Van Dort: [singing] According to plan!
- William Van Dort: And our family carried,
- Nell Van Dort, William Van Dort: [singing] Elevated to the heights of society!
- Nell Van Dort: To the costumed balls!
- William Van Dort: In the hallowed halls!
- Nell Van Dort: Rubbing elbows with the finest!
- William Van Dort: And having crumpets with Her Highness!
- Nell Van Dort, William Van Dort: [singing] We'll be there! We'll be seen! Having tea with the queen! We'll forget everything... that we've ever ever been!
- Maudeline Everglot: [speaking] Marriage is a partnership, a little tit for tat; you'd think a lifetime watching us
- [singing]
- Maudeline Everglot: might have taught her that, might have taught her that.
- Finnis Everglot: Everything must be perfect.
- Maudeline Everglot: Everything must be perfect.
- Maudeline Everglot, Finnis Everglot: Everything must be perfect, perfect!
- Maudeline Everglot, Finnis Everglot, Nell Van Dort, William Van Dort: That's why everything/every last everything/every single tiny microscopic little thing must go... According to plan!
- William Van Dort: You've certainly hooked a winner this time, Victor.
- Nell Van Dort: Now, all you have to do is reel her in.
- Victor Van Dort: I'm already reeling, Mother. Shouldn't Victoria Everglot be marrying a lord or something?
- Nell Van Dort: Oh, nonsense. We're every bit of good as the Everglots. I always knew I deserved better than a fish merchant's life.
- Victor Van Dort: But I've never even spoken to her.
- Nell Van Dort: Well, at least we have that in our favor.
- [Mayhew coughs]
- Nell Van Dort: Mayhew! Silence that blasted coughing!
- Nell Van Dort: [to Victor] Look at the way your standing, You look like you've got rickets or something.
- Nell Van Dort: Oh, it's almost dawn! Where could he be?
- Town Crier: Victor Van Dort elopes with corpse! Heartbroken bride to wed wealthy newcomer!
- Nell Van Dort: Wealthy newcomer? It cannot be.
- William Van Dort: Did he say corpse?
- Nell Van Dort: Oh, don't be ridiculous. What corpse would marry our Victor?
- [Mayhew coughs]
- Nell Van Dort: Oh, Mayhew! Silence that blasted coughing! Mayhew, are you trying to kill us? I think he's trying to kill us!
- Nell Van Dort: [about Victor] Mystery woman? He doesn't even know any women.
- Barkis Bittern: So you thought.
- Nell Van Dort: Blimey, it's my dress is caught.
- Mayhew: Begging your pardon, ma'am.
- William Van Dort: Come on, dear.
- Nell Van Dort: It's not me. It's my dress that's caught. Where is Victor? We might be late.
- Maudeline Everglot: [to Finnis] Smile, darling, smile.
- Finnis Everglot: [barely manages an extremely forced smile] Well, hello. What a pleasure. Welcome to our home.
- Nell Van Dort: Oh, thank you.
- Maudeline Everglot: We'll be taking tea in the west drawing room. Oh, do come this way. It's just through there.
- Nell Van Dort: Oh, I'm sure he'll be back shortly. He's terrified of the dark. In fact, when he was a boy, he used to wet his combinations, regularly, didn't he, William?