- Mr. Tweedy: [being attacked by chickens] Mrs. Tweedy! The chickens are revolting!
- Mrs. Tweedy: [with her back turned] Finally, something we agree on.
- Fowler: Poppycock. Pushy Americans. Always showing up late for every war. Overpaid, oversexed and over here!
- Mr. Tweedy: Ooh, that's champion, that is. What is it?
- Mrs. Tweedy: It's a pie machine, you idiot. Chickens go in, pies come out.
- Mr. Tweedy: Ooh! What kind of pies?
- Mrs. Tweedy: Apple.
- Mr. Tweedy: My favorite!
- Mrs. Tweedy: Chicken pies, you great lummox! Imagine it. In less than a fortnight, every grocers' in the county will be stocked with box upon box of Mrs. Tweedy's Homemade Chicken Pies.
- Mr. Tweedy: Just... "Mrs."?
- Mrs. Tweedy: Woman's touch. Makes the public feel more comfortable.
- [last lines]
- Nick: Here's a thought. Why don't we get an egg and start our own chicken farm? That way we'd have all the eggs we could eat.
- Fetcher: Right. We'll need a chicken, then.
- Nick: No... no, we'll need an egg. You have the egg first, that's where you get the chicken from.
- Fetcher: No, that's cobblers. If you don't have a chicken, where are you going to get the egg?
- Nick: From the chicken that comes from the egg.
- Fetcher: Yeah, but you have to have an egg to have a chicken.
- Nick: Yeah, but you've got to get the chicken first to get the egg, and then you get the egg... to get the chicken out of...
- Fetcher: Hang on. Let's go over this again?
- Rocky: Now, the most important thing is we have to work as a team, which means... you do everything I tell you.
- Hen: And what brings you to England, Mr. Rhodes?
- Rocky: Why, all the beautiful English chicks, of course.
- Ginger: But you're supposed to be up there. You're the pilot.
- Fowler: Oh, don't be ridiculous. I can't fly this contraption.
- Ginger: Back in your day -- the Royal Air Force...
- Fowler: 6-4-4 Squadron, poultry division. We were the mascots.
- Ginger: You mean you never actually flew the plane?
- Fowler: Good heavens, no. I'm a chicken. The Royal Air Force doesn't let chickens behind the controls of a complex aircraft.
- Mr. Tweedy: Oh, yes. Those chickens are up to something.
- Mrs. Tweedy: Quiet. I'm onto something.
- Mr. Tweedy: They're organised, I know it.
- Mrs. Tweedy: I said quiet.
- Mr. Tweedy: And that Ginger one, I reckon she's their leader.
- Mrs. Tweedy: [losing her patience and slamming her fist on the table] Mr. Tweedy! I may finally have found a way to make us some real money around here and what are you on about? Ridiculous notions of escaping chickens!
- Mr. Tweedy: [stammering] But... but...
- Mrs. Tweedy: It's all in your head, Mr. Tweedy. Say it!
- Mr. Tweedy: It's all in me head. It's all in me head.
- Mrs. Tweedy: Now, you keep telling yourself that because I don't want to hear another word about it! Is that clear?
- Mr. Tweedy: Yes, love. But you know that Ginger one...
- Mrs. Tweedy: They're *chickens*, you dolt! Apart from you, they're the most stupid creatures on this planet. They don't plot, they don't scheme, and they are *not* organised!
- [Fowler is forced to share his bunk with Rocky]
- Fowler: Absolutely outrageous! Asking a senior officer to share his quarters. And with a noncommissioned Yank, no less. Why, back in my day, I'd never...
- Rocky: Hey! You weren't exactly *my* first choice, either. And scoot over. Your wing's on my side of the bunk.
- Fowler: *Your* side of the bunk? The *whole bunk* is my side of the bunk!
- Rocky: [snapping back] Just... What's that smell? Is that your breath?
- Fowler: It's absolutely outrageous.
- [on finding out Rocky can't fly. Inside joke, see Trivia]
- Bunty: I knew he was fake all along. In fact, I'm not even certain he was American.
- Ginger: I should turn you in right now.
- Rocky: You wouldn't! Would you?
- Ginger: Give me one reason why I shouldn't.
- Rocky: Because I'm... cute?
- [Ginger squawks to attract the farmer's attention]
- Rocky: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Wwhat kind of crazy chick are you? Do you know what'll happen if he finds me?
- Ginger: [quoting him] It's a cruel world.
- Rocky: I just decided, I don't like you.
- Ginger: I just decided, I don't care.
- Rocky: Wait a minute. Let me get this straight. You wanna get every chicken in this place out of here *at the same time*?
- Ginger: Of course.
- Rocky: You're certifiable! You can't pull off a stunt like that; that's suicide.
- Ginger: Where there's a will, there's a way.
- Rocky: Couldn't agree more. And I *will* be leaving *that* way.
- [during the credits]
- Nick: The egg, obviously, rolling along, happy as Larry, then crack! Hatches into the first chicken.
- Fetcher: Yeah, but where'd the egg come from, then?
- Nick: What do you mean where'd it come from?
- Fetcher: Egg comes rollin' along, 'appy as Larry, it's wonderin'... where'd it come from? Without a chicken, you get no egg to come rollin' along.
- Nick: Well, conversely, without an egg to hatch into the chicken, there will be no chicken to lay the other egg that hatches into the chicken that lays the egg I mentioned in the first place.
- Nick: So we got two eggs now?
- Fetcher: No, we're still talking about the very first egg.
- Fetcher: Yeah, but what 'appened to the very first chicken?
- Nick: 'E's in the very first egg, aren't you listening?
- Rocky: Uh, guys, guys? We're trying to enjoy paradise over here.
- Nick: Oh, sorry, guv.
- Fetcher: Beg your pardon.
- Nick: Won't happen again.
- Rocky: Thanks.
- Nick: Gitface.
- Fetcher: Pillock.
- Nick: Think he's such a bigshot 'cause he's got his name on a poster. Showbiz folk are all the same.
- Fetcher: Yeah, the rats are the stars, actually. But he does get all the birds
- Nick: Yeah, of course they are. We do all the 'ard work, 'e gets all the credit.
- Fetcher: He gets everything, doesn't he?
- Nick: Yes, he does. Everything.
- Fetcher: You said it, mate.
- Nick: I know.
- Rocky: [apparently training the chickens] And left, two, three, and right, two, three and... stop right there.
- [chickens stop leaning to the side, confused]
- Rocky: Oh, yeah. Down.
- [chickens stoop]
- Rocky: All right, now: make little circles.
- [chickens start to spin]
- Rocky: That's it, faster, faster... yeah, that hits the spot...
- Ginger: [Ginger looks up only to see Rocky sighing in contentment getting massaged; she walks over and clears throat; other chickens wander away, embarrassed] I thought you were going to teach us how to fly.
- Rocky: That's what I'm doing.
- Ginger: Isn't there usually some flapping involved?
- Rocky: Hey. Do I tell you how to lay eggs? Relax. We're making progress!
- Ginger: Really? I can't help feeling we're going around in circles.
- [motions to the spinning chickens behind her]
- Rocky: What the - ? Hey! Cut it out! You're making *me* dizzy!
- [chickens stop and start stumbling dizzily]
- Rocky: I think they're ready to fly now.
- Ginger: Good. Because they certainly can't *walk* anymore.
- Rocky: [to Ginger after being put against the wall] You know, you're the first chick I ever met with the shell still on.