The Bachelor

Why, oh, why do they try and remake Buster Keaton's movies, he was such a master of his craft that it is near impossible to make anything near as good as his original movies. Saying that, even if I hadn't seen 'Seven Chances' before seeing this I'd still have the same opinion, Chris O'Donnell had the potential to be a star, but, he has the inability to know a good script and this is a classic example. None of the characters are particularly endearing, Arte Lange is plain annoying and seeing Ed Asner and Hal Holbrooke was saddening. Rene Zellwegger is as usual very good, which is about the only positive thing in this sorry excuse of a movie.

Major plothole, how come all the brides turn up at the church in full, perfectly fitting bridal regalia on only a few hours notice? Are we supposed to believe that all women have a perfect wedding outfit in their wardrobe 'just in case'? And amazingly, the wedding dress found for Anne fits like a dream, an amazing coincidence or what!! At least in Keaton's version the 'brides' are in their normal clothing with just cobbled together veils to distinguish them as brides, far more convincing.

My advice, hunt down a copy of the original 'Seven Chances', there is no comparison. Note to reviewer Matt Doolittle, BusterKeaton was an amazing man, but, even he couldn't direct a film 33 years after his death.

In Robert Altman's The Player, studio executives demonstrate how a film idea can turn from one person's artistic vision into a shallow appeal to the masses. When I watch a film like The Bachelor, I often wonder what went on when that film was pitched.

Chris O'Donnell is perfectly cast as the likeable hunk who can't quite bring himself to commit to marriage. Life with girlfriend Anne is perfect because she doesn't seem to have any desire to take that extra step either. The day that she does start to think about 'the future' things take a nasty turn.

O'Donnell as Jimmy struggles through a proposal, simply because his peers tell him he must. Anne turns him down, of course, because his intentions are not honorable.

The plot thickens when Jimmy's ornery grandfather dies and leaves a 100 million dollar fortune to Jimmy, the only surviving relative. The catch is that our hero can only collect the money if he is married by his 30th birthday, which just happens to be in one day. A daring move, one of the lawyers utters something about this being 'Brewster's Millions.' A clever line, obviously written by someone brave enough to admit that this plot is a total rip off.

With the aid of his best friend, a few lawyers and a stoic priest (played by James Cromwell), he sets about trying to win the heart of Anne. When that doesn't succeed, Jimmy goes through the list of old girlfriends, most of whom are personality challenged, and some of whom do not remember him fondly.

Anyone with a weak heart might melt at the image of O'Donnell running through the streets of San Francisco with a bouquet of flowers, others would probably be wise just to pass. O'Donnell and Zellweger play well in this film, but like most cardboard comedies, there isn't much for the actors to do.

One might spot an attempt a some black humor, in the same vein as better films like Heathers and Election, but it failures to even come close to those. The Bachelor presents an opening thesis using wild mustangs to describe men. As each of his friends gets hitched, we see them running along side a herd of these horses, a lasso about to snag them. This joke is mildly clever, but sadly it is also the best thing about the film.

"The Bachelor" is a pretty good light romantic comedy. Brook Shields does indeed have the best scene in the whole flick. It's well described below, and is wonderfully funny. Rene Zellweger is both very good and very charming, as is Chris O'Donnell. It's not the sort of movie that will stay with you for much, but its pretty good fun while it's going on.

There's one thing I have to say though, and the main reason I'm bothering with a comment to this flick. Those that claim this movie is unrealistic and misogynist because of it's depiction of O'Donnell's former girlfriends and the huge number of women desperate for 100 million dollars, are infected with a serious case of delusional feminist PC propaganda. I can guarantee you that if an ad (turned into a front page article) with a picture guaranteeing sharing in a $100 million fortune for marrying a guy who looks like Chris O'Donnell the next day in a big American city (and clarifying that he was deadline desperate due to the date of his grandfather's death and the will provisions, so that many would feel they had a chance and he wasn't necessarily an impossible loser), there would indeed be hordes of women lining up to do it. Many wouldn't of course. But there'd be legions willing to take their chances. One of the main things limiting the numbers in fact would be self selection. The cliché that women (especially after their early 20's) tend to be attracted to money (or its prospect), fame and or success, while men tend to be attracted to beauty, has more than a little truth to it. Of course there also has to be personal chemistry in the ordinary course, but with $100 million on the table, a great many women would take their chances. So the crowd scenes are indeed plausible (if so many managing the wedding dresses on a few hours notice isn't).

What's most unrealistic is the PC "balancing" rejection this centi-millionaire gets from all but one of his former girl friends. That of course is what takes up the bulk of the movie. That is what is impossible to believe in the real world. In other words, "The Bachelor" actually leans over backwards to pretend that a far higher proportion of women wouldn't be swayed by the $100 million than is realistic. But just imagine how a more accurate balance would be criticized by the American media (not to mention academic) pundits of the moment. There are endless dismissive allusions to men being unduly or primarily interested in women's looks in today's American films -- and that that is terrible. (Why -- well, because women tend to have different priorities, and women must be right not only for themselves, but for men as well, of course.). That sort of commentary (with some basis in truth, if not in how it is characterized), often clearly intended as a put down of males, is perfectly fine under the reigning Hollywood ideology. Whereas highlighting women's special attraction (often enough) to men with power of various sorts -- money, fame, politics or sometimes physical power -- is dangerous ground indeed. Gee, I wonder why that is.

Hundreds of women in wedding dresses and sneakers chasing Chris O'Donnell through the streets is ridiculous, however the movie is worth seeing just for Brooke Shields' performance as Buckley. Every time her left eye started to twitch during the wedding ceremony I fell off my chair. A great comic turn.

Released in 1999, "The Bachelor" is a romcom starring Chris O'Donnell as a commitment-phobic bachelor in San Francisco. When his grandfather dies he stands to inherit $100 million, but with the stipulation that he must be married by the next evening, amongst other conditions. Unfortunately, the woman he loves, Anne, is nowhere to be found (Renée Zellweger) so his best friend (Artie Lange) puts an ad in the paper, which attracts a thousand wannabe brides literally chasing the bachelor and his fortune. Marley Shelton plays Anne's sister while Edward Asner and Hal Holbrook have side roles.

The movie has a great cast and a fun vibe. O'Donnell and Zellweger are appealing protagonists, but I was bored by most of the first 45 minutes. Thankfully, the story perks up when the bachelor seeks out several past girlfriends and unconvincingly proposes. This sequence features entertaining cameos by the likes of Jennifer Esposito, Mariah Carey, Brooke Shields, Sarah Silverman, Stacy Edwards and Katharine Towne. Unfortunately, the filmmakers failed to take advantage of this wealth of feminine resources with the exception of the striking Esposito and Shields, the latter of whom is delightful as a gold-digging biyatch. The rest are underutilized. Nevertheless, Katharine Towne shines in her small role.

The most memorable sequence, of course, is the dude being chased through the streets of San Francisco by a thousand brides, but this only comprises about a dozen minutes of the movie. Those who favor romcoms might like this one better than I did. For me, it's not bad, but it's not good either, although there are some amusing moments. The plot is creative, but the script needed tweaked to flesh out its potential.

The film runs 101 minutes and was shot in San Francisco; downtown L.A. and USC; and Cook Ranch, Galisteo, New Mexico.

GRADE: C