Peter Stormare credited as playing...
Lev Andropov
- Lev Andropov: It's stuck, yes?
- Watts: Back off! You don't know the components!
- Lev Andropov: [annoyed] Components. American components, Russian Components, ALL MADE IN TAIWAN!
- Lev Andropov: I'm stepping outside.
- A.J.: You're-you're going outside?
- Lev Andropov: I am the only certified astronaut. And I'm saving your American ass!
- [A.J, Lev, and Bear are making the canyon jump and Lev is flying outside on the armadillo trying to fix it]
- Lev Andropov: I'm sorry A.J. I was way off on the odds!
- Colonel William Sharp: It takes two people to fly this thing. Either we all stay and die, or you guys draw straws.
- Rockhound: I say we all stay and die.
- [pause, everyone looks at Rockhound]
- Rockhound: But that's me.
- AJ: I'll draw. Let's draw.
- Harry: Nobody's gonna draw straws. I'll stay and take care of it.
- Chick: Well, I can't live with that sort of thing.
- Lev Andropov: Nobody asked you if you could live with it, all right?
- Lev Andropov: Bullshit! No way I will let you volunteer for this, so I can go back to my home country like the man who did not volunteer! No way!
- Bear: Hey man, let's draw, and let's see who's gonna stay up here and dance.
- Rockhound: Hey guys? I-I know you guys think I'm crazy right now but, I would really like this responsibility.
- Harry: All right. All right.
- Rockhound: I can do it!
- Harry: Let's just draw straws and get it over with. Come on.
- Chick: I ain't drawin' against you, Harry.
- Harry: Well, I'm gonna draw against you Chick, so you better just go ahead and do it.
- [They draw straws]
- Chick: Just gimme this thing.
- Lev Andropov: [Lev looks at the straw he has drawn] Is this good, or bad?
- [A.J. has drawn the short straw]
- AJ: Oh man. Well, we all gotta die right? I'm the guy who gets to do it saving the world.
- [after escaping the Russian Space Station explosion]
- Freddy Noonan: Pretty intense, huh?
- Lev Andropov: That's why I told you "touch nothing". But you're bunch of cowboys!
- A.J.: This is great. We just happen to run into the Grand Canyon on the asteroid.
- Lev Andropov: I told you, you took wrong way, wrong road.
- A.J.: What? What road? Do you see any roads around here?
- Lev Andropov: You know what, I do not have much pleasure being near God's ear, but you think this is looking good or what?
- A.J.: Lev, why don't you just do humanity a favor and just shut the hell up?
- Lev Andropov: He used to make the tip of the bomb. The thing that finds, uh, New York or Washington, you know?