- Clown: [in cheerleader get-up as he watches Cyan] What a pretty little dress. I wonder if she's it in my size?
- [begins cheering]
- Clown: Spawnie, Spawnie, he's our man, if he can't kill 'em, no one can. Yay, Spawnie! S to the P to the A to the AWN, S to the P to the A to the AWN. Go, Spawnie, go Spawnie.
- [first lines]
- Cogliostro: The battle between Heaven and Hell has waged eternal, their armies fueled by souls harvested on Earth. The devil, Malebolgia, has sent a lieutenant to Earth to recruit men who will turn the world into a place of death in exchange for wealth and power, a place that will provide enough souls to complete his army and allow Armageddon to begin. All the Dark Lord needs now is a great soldier, someone who can lead his hordes to the gates of Heaven and burn them down.
- Clown: In the name of the people and things of Hell, I dub thee... Spawn, general of Hell's armies. Arise, Your Crispness! Arise, Duke of Deep-Fried! Sultan of Sizzling! Emir of Ooey-Gooey!
- Jessica Priest: It's a little early for Halloween, Simmons.
- Spawn: Where you're going, every day's Halloween.
- Clown: The master and I are going to have words. He knows I hate clowns. God, I hate them. I hate them all. I hate Bozo, Ronald, Chuckles with their freakin' dumb noses and their lousy party hats! Arrgh! I don't mind being short, fat, and ugly, but the pay sucks!
- Spawn: You filthy little piece of vermin. What makes you think I would join your army? You can take that army of yours and shove it.
- Clown: Sounds like a country song.
- [singing]
- Clown: "You can take that army of yours and shove it. You can take that..."
- [stops]
- Clown: Uh-oh. You've got that, "I want to beat the fat little man" look in your eyes.
- Clown: [to a group of would-be Satanists] Shocked and amazed at the wonders of necroflesh? You're not alone. For a limited time only, you too can have this handsome epidermis for the eensy price of your soul and a buttload of pain.
- Cogliostro: This is just what they want. You're playing their game.
- Spawn: [cocks his gun] Then I'll play dirty.
- Cogliostro: Guns are useless.
- Spawn: You got a better idea?
- Cogliostro: [runs circles around Spawn and wraps chains around Spawn as well] I might.
- Clown: [after Spawn cuts off his head] You're gonna pay for this. It's not over yet. I'll gum you to death. I'll bite you.
- [tries to pick his head up with his tongue]
- Clown: Hey, Wanda, how do you think of my little head, huh?
- [the rest of his body melts as well as his head]
- Clown: This is your last to join up. Think about it. Come on.
- [his head continues to melt]
- Clown: You'll pay for this.
- Cogliostro: The war between Heaven & Hell depends on the choices we make, and those choices require sacrifice. That's the test.
- Al Simmons: You son of a bitch. You knew what was going in all along.
- Jason Wynn: I do believe he's catching on.
- [Jessica hoses Al down with flammable liquid]
- Jason Wynn: Enjoy your retirement, old friend. Oh, and by the way, don't worry about Wanda. I'll take good care of her.
- Al Simmons: You touch her, and you're a dead man.
- Jason Wynn: You're the dead man.
- [Wynn throws cigarette on Al and he catches on fire]
- Jason Wynn: See you in hell, Al.
- Clown: Oh, there you are. I've been looking everywhere for you. Bad crispy! Bad crispy! Clown not like.
- Clown: Come on, my barbecued friend. Don't want to keep that side order of potato salad waiting, now do we?
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