Steve Buscemi credited as playing...
Donny
- The Dude: Rug pee-ers did not do this. Look at it: a young trophy wife, marries this guy for his money, she figures he hasn't given her enough, you know, she owes money all over town.
- Walter Sobchak: That, fuckin' - bitch...
- The Dude: It's all a god damn fake, man. It's like Lenin said: you look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh, you know...
- Donny: I am the walrus.
- The Dude: You know, you'll uh, uh - well, you know what I'm trying' to say...
- Donny: I am the walrus.
- Walter Sobchak: That fucking bitch!
- The Dude: Oh yeah!
- Donny: I am the walrus.
- Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!
- Donny: What the fuck is he talking about?
- The Dude: Walter, what is the point? Look, we all know who is at fault here, what the fuck are you talking about?
- Walter Sobchak: Huh? No, what the fuck are you... I'm not... We're talking about unchecked aggression here, dude.
- Donny: What the fuck is he talking about?
- The Dude: My rug.
- Walter Sobchak: Forget it, Donny, you're out of your element!
- The Dude: Walter, the chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill, so what the fuck are you talking about?
- Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you talking about? The chinaman is not the issue here, Dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you DO NOT... Also, Dude, "chinaman" is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.
- The Dude: Walter, this isn't a guy who built the railroads here. This is a guy...
- Walter Sobchak: What the fuck are you...?
- The Dude: Walter, he peed on my rug!
- Donny: He peed on the Dude's rug.
- Walter Sobchak: Donny, you're out of your element! Dude, the chinaman is not the issue here!
- Walter Sobchak: He lives in North Hollywood on Radford, near the In-and-Out Burger...
- The Dude: The In-and-Out Burger is on Camrose.
- Walter Sobchak: Near the In-and-Out Burger...
- Donny: Those are good burgers, Walter.
- Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.
- Walter Sobchak: Were you listening to The Dude's story, Donny?
- The Dude: Walter...
- Donny: What?
- Walter Sobchak: Were you listening to The Dude's story?
- Donny: I was bowling.
- Walter Sobchak: So you have no frame of reference here, Donny. You're like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know...
- The Dude: (interrupting) Walter, Walter, what's the point, man?
- Walter Sobchak: There's no reason - here's my point, dude, there's no fucking reason why these two...
- Donny: Yeah, Walter, what's your point?
- Walter Sobchak: That rug really tied the room together, did it not?
- The Dude: Fuckin' A.
- Donny: And this guy peed on it.
- Walter Sobchak: Donny, please.
- The Dude: Walter... what am I going to tell Lebowski?
- Walter Sobchak: I told that fuck down at the league office... who's in charge of scheduling?
- The Dude: Walter...
- Donny: Burkhalter.
- Walter Sobchak: I told that kraut a fucking thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!
- The Dude: Walter...
- Donny: They already posted it.
- Walter Sobchak: Well they can *fucking unpost it*!
- The Dude: Who gives a shit! They're gonna kill that poor woman, man! What am I gonna tell Lebowski?
- Walter Sobchak: C'mon, Dude, eventually she'll get sick of her little game and, you know, wander on back.
- Donny: How come you don't roll on Saturday, Walter?
- Walter Sobchak: I'm shomer shabbos.
- Donny: What's that?
- The Dude: Yeah, and in the meantime, what do I tell Lebowski?
- Walter Sobchak: Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit *don't fucking roll*!
- Donny: Sheesh.
- Walter Sobchak: Shomer shabbos!
- The Dude: Walter, how am I going to...
- Walter Sobchak: Shomer fucking shabbos.
- The Dude: Oh, fuck it. I'm out of here.
- Walter Sobchak: Come on, Dude...
- [rolls his eyes at Donny]
- Walter Sobchak: Fucking *baby... *
- [Donny nods]
- [the Dude, Walter, and Donny walk out of the bowling alley, to find the three Nihilists waiting in front of the Dude's car, which has been torched]
- The Dude: Well, they finally did it. They killed my fucking car.
- Nihilist: Ve vant ze money, Lebowski.
- Nihilist #2: Ja, uzzervize ve kill ze girl.
- Nihilist #3: Ja, it seems you have forgotten our little deal, Lebowski.
- The Dude: You don't HAVE the fucking girl, dipshits! We know you never did!
- [the Nihilists, stunned, confer amongst themselves in German]
- Donny: Are these the Nazis, Walter?
- Walter Sobchak: No, Donny, these men are nihilists, there's nothing to be afraid of.
- Nihilist: Ve don't care. Ve still vant ze money, Lebowski, or ve fuck you ups.
- Walter Sobchak: Fuck you. Fuck the three of you.
- The Dude: Hey, cool it Walter.
- Walter Sobchak: No, without a hostage, there is no ransom. That's what ransom is. Those are the fucking rules.
- Nihilist #2: His girlfriend gave up her toe!
- Nihilist #3: She though we'd be getting million dollars!
- Nihilist #2: Iss not fair!
- Walter Sobchak: Fair! WHO'S THE FUCKING NIHILIST HERE! WHAT ARE YOU, A BUNCH OF FUCKING CRYBABIES?
- The Dude: Hey, cool it Walter. Look, pal, there never was any money. The big Lebowski gave me an empty briefcase, so take it up with him, man!
- Walter Sobchak: And, I would like my undies back.
- [Stunned, the Germans confer amongst themselves again]
- Donny: Are they gonna hurt us, Walter?
- Walter Sobchak: No, Donny. These men are cowards.
- Nihilist: Okay. So we take ze money you haf on you, und ve calls it eefen.
- Walter Sobchak: Fuck you!
- Walter Sobchak: Really, Dude, you surprise me. They're not gonna kill shit, they're not gonna do shit. What can they do? They're a bunch of fuckin' amateurs, and meanwhile, look at the bottom line: Who's sittin' on a million fuckin' dollars? Am I wrong?
- The Dude: Walter?
- Walter Sobchak: Who's got a fuckin' million fuckin' dollars sittin' in the trunk of our car?
- The Dude: Our car, Walter?
- Walter Sobchak: And whadda they got? My dirty undies... My fucking whites...
- [They walk out of the bowling alley and see the Dude's car gone. The portable phone starts ringing]
- Walter Sobchak: Say, dude. Where is your car?
- Donny: Who's got your undies, Walter?
- Walter Sobchak: Where's your car, dude?
- The Dude: You don't know, Walter?
- Walter Sobchak: [clears throat] It was parked in a handicapped zone, perhaps they towed it.
- The Dude: You fucking know its been stolen.
- Walter Sobchak: Well, certainly that's a possibility, Dude.
- The Dude: Oh fuck it.
- [the Dude starts walking away]
- Donny: Where you going, Dude?
- The Dude: I'm going home, Donny.
- Donny: Phone's ringin', dude.
- The Dude: Thank you, Donny.
- Donny: They posted the next round for the tournament.
- Walter Sobchak: Donny, shut the f- when do we play?
- Walter Sobchak: Life does not stop and start at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit.
- Donny: What's wrong with Walter, Dude?
- The Dude: Fuckin' Quintana... that creep can roll, man.
- Walter Sobchak: Yeah, but he's a pervert, Dude.
- The Dude: Yeah.
- Walter Sobchak: No, he's a sex offender. With a record. He served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old.
- The Dude: Oh!
- Walter Sobchak: When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pederast.
- Donny: What's a... pederast, Walter?
- Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.
- Walter Sobchak: The man in the black pajamas, Dude. Worthy fuckin' adversary.
- Donny: Who's in pajamas Walter?
- Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.
- The Dude: Hey, no, come on, Walter. We're ending this thing cheap, man.
- Walter Sobchak: No, what's mine is mine.
- Nihilist: No funny shtuff.
- The Dude: Alright, alright, I've got four dollars, almost five...
- Donny: Hey, I got eighteen dollars.
- Walter Sobchak: What's mine is mine.
- Nihilist: We fuck you ups, man. We takes the money.
- Walter Sobchak: Come and get it.
- Walter Sobchak: Fucking Germans. Nothing changes. Fucking Nazis.
- Donny: They were Nazis, Dude?
- Walter Sobchak: Oh, come on Donny, they were threatening castration! Are we gonna split hairs here? Am I wrong?