Anaconda

Let me tell you about a little film called Anaconda.

I watched this film a dozen times as a kid, I loved monster flicks. Anaconda was bad, it was utterly bad, yet I've seen it more times than I want to admit. Now we visit it again, years later, so we can laugh at how ridiculous this film is.

We open with Danny Trejo, for some reason they dubbed his lines. He doesn't speak English, but the voice the use is so much higher than what we all know to be the gravel voice of Trejo. Just something that I found funny.

The monster effects are laughably bad at times and worse at others. When the snake is animatronic, the obviousness of it all makes it seems like a bad ride at universal. Then we have the CGI effects, which make the snake seem like it doesn't even belong on the screen. The first attack on a human, the entire thing looks like one giant blur. The first time we see the snake in general isn't with some Jaws like reveal, it's simply the thing slithering around in the jungle before it attacks a puma. No big reveal, no slow reveal...just the damn snake out in the open.

In Ebert's review of the film, which is enthusiastically gave a thumbs up, he claims Jon Voight delivers a brave and slimy performance. That I can agree with, but I wouldn't necessarily call it a great performance. It's without a doubt, memorable, but in the campy way. He glares at almost everyone on the screen, his skin is slimy like a snake and immediately untrustworthy. No one else seems to think they are in a bad movie here. Voight seems to know this from the get go. Watch this film and then watch The Room and tell me the performances from them are not almost identical. Is he doing DeNiro? Is he doing Brando? Who the hell knows. It's one wacky performance, that much is a guarantee.

This was one of the early Jennifer Lopez films that probably helped launch her career. Why? I don't know, she doesn't offer anything interesting here. Ice Cube and Owen Wilson play against their usual type, I don't think we've seen either of them in a monster flick since this one,

Suffice to say, Anaconda is a bad film that boarders on being highly enjoyable. Sit back, laugh and enjoy the absurdity of Anaconda. If you take this film seriously...at all, even for one second, then you will utterly hate it.

A guilty pleasure that's still fun & amusing, Anaconda was one of those famous B-movies that used to air a lot on TV when I was a kid and whenever I caught a glimpse of it while switching channels, I'd usually end up staying till the end. Creature feature was my go-to genre while growing up and this, along with Jurassic Park & Godzilla, were amongst my favorites.

Looking back today, it is difficult to ignore the multitudes of issues that plague this flick but back then, things like direction, screenplay, acting, plot structure, character arcs or themes etc didn't mean a thing to me. The only stuff that mattered was whether I'll be entertained or not. It was the only factor that decided the fate of any movie in my book. And in many ways, it still does.

Set in the Amazon jungles, the story of Anaconda follows a documentary film crew that comes across a stranded snake hunter and allow him to get on board. The atmosphere changes soon as the crew finds itself uncomfortable around the new guy who, after a series of tragedies, takes command of the boat & the crew and makes them help him in his quest to capture the world's largest & deadliest snake.

Directed by Luis Llosa, the first act is dull and it is only after the titular serpent surfaces that things get interesting. The script serves the bare serviceable minimum for a horror flick, dialogues are corny, characters are bland but its skillful camera-work & clever angles, in addition to its isolated setting, help in retaining an aura of suspense and is effective in bits n pieces.

The visual effects appear dated but it's still impressive in a few places. Everything about the anaconda is exaggerated to ridiculous proportions yet it adds to the fun & its campy tone. The film features a number of people who later went on to make a name for themselves in the Hollywood industry but it's Jon Voight who steals the show with his crazy, sinister & over-the-top rendition of the snake hunter.

On an overall scale, Anaconda exhibits all the ingredients that are responsible for bringing a film down yet it manages to stay afloat for the majority of its runtime. There are a few hiccups along the way but the ride is enjoyable for the most part and in the end, it is more satisfying & entertaining than other similar examples. An adventure that's not devoid of thrills & a horror that packs some good chills, Anaconda is well-deserving of its cult status. Worth a shot.

It's a stupid B-Movie with enough quality to fly by, and enough camp charm to get away with such cinematic crimes. The cast play it straight, apart from Voight. I'm pretty sure he was drunk during the shooting, coming out with an inexplicable accent and a look reminiscent of Hannibal Lecter. It's ridiculous fun, with hokey CGI and animatronics. The animatronics are great and make me miss the 90s. It's a big snake shaped tube and goes from slow robotic motions, to super fast CGI. Cube and Hyde manage some, at times, adorable dialogue. Voight's presence also unites the rest of the cast, and each character gets their own heroic captain moment. Fun filled and just plain bad. I loved it.

If you want to watch a movie on a blazing, hot evening and have no options (and missed this one back in the day), then this is going to entertain you. Action? Yes. Fun? Yes. Acting? Oh hell yes! Just pay attention to Jon Voight and his over-the-top performance and prepare to be amazed. On top of that, one thing to consider: the writing for J-Lo's character, her lines, are totally out there making her sound useless and fragile, helpless side-hero for at least 45 minutes. Luckily this will change slightly towards the 2nd half, but...really, Mr Writer? Good thing that the anaconda steals the show. Finally, the overall rating here is unfair. This should be around 6.5 and is a much better monster-munch film than many others in the 00's and 10's...8/10, pure fun.

There are two ways to see this film and rate it.

1: As a movie that turned out to be much worse than it intended to be. In which case it's obvious that an actor like Jon Voight would overact to try and make it look like it was intended to be "bad". The special f/x, intended or not, are done with computer animation and are, in that category, the worst i've seen yet. A snake that moves like a cartoon. If it was the movieproducers' intention to make a "bad" movie, they would have done better to use the old fashioned special f/x, with a rubber prop.

2:As a movie that was, indeed, intended to be a b-movie. However, since the director Luis Llosa previously only made "serious" action movies like "the Specialist" and "Sniper", i have to seriously doubt it was his intension to make a "tongue-in-cheek" movie. If it WAS his intention, he nearly succeeded in making a fun "bad" movie.

Personally, there were only two things in this movie i enjoyed: The voluptuous Jennifer Lopez, and the magnificently "bad" performance of Jon Voight, who with just the facial expressions brings a smile to your face.