- Police Capt. Doug Chapman: False arrest, huh? You know something, you're full of it. You never commit any crimes but you always end up at the booking desk. What is that? Coincidence or what?
- Jim Rockford: More like sloppy police work.
- Police Capt. Doug Chapman: You know something? You're 90% mouth!
- Cmdr. Diehl: Look! Let's just do this and get the hell out of here! When I get rousted out of bed at the middle of the night, it tends to put me in a really lousy mood.
- Jim Rockford: Well, you can imagine the mood I'm in; I not only got rousted, I got patted down. Try that at three in the morning.
- Jim Rockford: Oh, what a shame. I slept in 'til three.
- [with sarcasm to Becker after Becker complained of being woken up early]
- Jim Rockford: He attacked me.
- Police Capt. Doug Chapman: That's not what I heard.
- Jim Rockford: Well, you heard it wrong, Chapman, you always do. I would say it's your big failing but you have so many.
- Jim Rockford: Oh, yeah, I hate paper work. But every once in a while, well, I was playing catch up.
- Jim Rockford: [on the phone to a bill collector] Oh, Bobby. Bobby! Oh, no, I'm not ducking you. No, Hey, hey, yeah, Bobby, yeah I know what I said. Yeah. Yeah, hey, look - Bobby, I can't give you what I don't have; I'm tapped out. Well, yes, I know it's been three and-a-half weeks, but if it makes you feel any better I got at least half a dozen other people who've waiting for payment for over two months.
- Police Capt. Doug Chapman: You expect us to believe that?
- Jim Rockford: Of course not, it's the truth.
- Lt. Dennis Becker: Knock it off - there's nothin' for me to feel guilty about, so don't even try.
- Jim Rockford: You told him I carry a .38.
- Lt. Dennis Becker: Like that information's not in the computer.
- Jim Rockford: My cookie jar isn't in the computer. At least it wasn't!
- Lt. Dennis Becker: Your .38 wasn't there, so they decided not to charge you, at least not yet; too circumstantial without the weapon.
- Jim Rockford: What do you mean it wasn't there?
- Lt. Dennis Becker: They looked in the cookie jar, they found Oreo's.
- Jim Rockford: Did they look under the Oreos?
- Lt. Dennis Becker: These are trained police officers; of course they looked under the Oreos.