London Suite

This is a total bomb. The play on which it is based is also a bomb, considering the source. The baker's dozen of super talented actors could not save this monument to mediocrity. It truly screens like the very definition of a made-for-TV movie, only from the eighties rather than 1996. It's almost as if Mr. Simon was trying to squeeze out another "Suite" as excellent and successful as the first two . . . oh, wait . . . I guess that might be the point (?!?), but apparently the only point. A very constipated mash-up of retro-'60's dialogue and '90's comedic sensibilities, there is awkwardness to be had at nearly every turn.

European and American characters intermingle in London for comedic Neil Simon stories underlined with pathos or sentiment. Simon's somewhat-withered adaptation of his play is seemingly an extension of many ideas or characters from his theatrical feature "California Suite"...and one that is not above copping ideas from other movies as well. Julia Louis-Dreyfus is an American on her honeymoon without a husband; Madeline Kahn is another tourist who goes out on a date with Scotsman Richard Mulligan (dressed up like David Niven in "Separate Tables"); Michael Richards and Julie Hagerty, in town for Wimbledon, are sidelined by slapstick-y bad luck; while actress Patricia Clarkson reunites with the ex-husband she still holds a torch for, Kelsey Grammar (playing gay). Simon's rhythm hasn't changed over the years: he sets up a joke wryly, detonates the joke dryly, and then delivers a comeback zinger. The whole movie is a series of zingers, most of which are met with stony silence (this is one sitcom that could use a laugh-track). Apparently cast with an eye on the NBC-TV market, the picture could really use some headier talent (Clarkson does well, though the supporting cast making up the staff get the biggest laughs). Louis-Dreyfus has an amusing bit telling a lie which gets bigger and bigger, and Richards' pinched nerve (while an easy target for visual jokes) has some funny repercussions. The TV production is rather cut-rate (as is the score and photography), however it's a relatively painless comedy--albeit one that is passed its prime.

Ironically, I was in London in 1996 for a few days in the summer. When this film aired on television, I was excited. It had a great cast but when it came to air. It was embarrassing to watch. This is one of Neil Simon's weakest stories. I am sure he could have come up with something better and interesting to entertain us. I felt embarrassed for the great cast like Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Jonathan Silverman. They had a crazy story. I was surprised by Rolf Saxon who I love playing Julia's brother-in-law living in London with his wife. You could see they were trying so hard for the audience. Despite Rolf's brief appearance, he goes uncredited and that's an outrage for me. I liked watching Madeline Kahn and Richard Mulligan but felt it was too awkward. The worst was Patricia Clarkson, Kristen Johnson, and Kelsey Grammar. I am sorry but it was so hard to watch them. I liked Michael Richards and Julie Hagerty together but felt that they could have used a better story. I liked the brief appearance of British actress, Janine Duvitsky.

This movie rocked! I taped and watched it three times in two days. I totally loved it! It's not for people who can't follow four stories at one, but I can and understood all of them.

The first story is about Julia Louis-Dreyfus, a distraught newlywed who can't find her husband for a party. 'My olive is gone.' Instead of telling the truth, she tells the guests that her husband has 'hemoglybosisis'.

The second story, and arguably the funniest, Michael Richards throws out his back. 'Mrs. Sitgood, as you can see, I'm talking to you from the floor. The floor is the only thing that kept me from landing in the lobby.' His wife, Julie Hagerty, and Dr. McMerlin try to help his back problems and end up on the floor with him.

The third story, an emotional one at best, is Kelsey Grammer, a gay man, and his ex-wife who's still in love with him. He comes to London to meet her so he can have money for his significant other, Max.

The fourth story is about Madeline Kahn and her daughter, who hooks her up with Richard Mulligan, and invites her for a night out. 'Smell my hair. It smells like I was at a five day barbecue...I'm going to be at the theater and suddenly, someone will yell FIRE!.'

Probably the funniest quote and an indicator that it's from a play was: 'Why are we talking like this? It sounds like we're talking in a musical.' This is way better than a musical. I loved it and the next time it's on TV, watch it. No excuses.

One has to feel that Jay Sandrich, as director, has to be responsible for the weak performances from this collection of usually reliable actors. With the exception of Michael Richards and Madeline Kahn, the credited actors turn in truly shocking performances. As for the Scottish and Irish accents from Richard Mulligan, Paxton Whitehead and Jane Carr, words fail me. These are trained actors?

Thankfully, the uncredited William Franklin, was, as ever, the consummate professional. If he watched the rushes, he probably requested to be left off the credit list.

How Simon must have shuddered.