Dan Futterman credited as playing...
Val Goldman
- Val: Put your shoes on Agador, it's getting late.
- Agador: [In what he thinks is a normal waiter's voice] Ah, but there's no point in my putting shoes on.
- [blows out match]
- Agador: I never wear shoes because they make me fall down.
- Val: Just, put your shoes on, okay? And talk in your normal voice, and just... give me a break, okay?
- Agador: [In real voice] Okay.
- Val: [about his marriage] Is it all right, Dad?
- Armand: Does it matter?
- Val: Yes, of course it does. Say it's okay, before Albert arrives and starts screaming.
- Armand: I can't. And I won't. This is too crazy. You do this, you're on your own. You got that, sport? You don't come back here, you don't ask me for anything, I want nothing to do with it.
- Val: Okay, if that's how you feel.
- Armand: I do.
- Val: Fine.
- [picks up his jacket and holds out his hand]
- Val: Goodbye, Pop.
- Armand: Goodbye, son.
- [They shake hands, and Val starts to turn away]
- Armand: Oh, come here!
- [pulls him into a hug]
- Armand: You little pisher, you called my bluff!
- Val: Yeah, but it was good, though.
- Armand: Really? I thought I backed off on it a little.
- Armand: First off, you're only twenty.
- Val: Look, Pop, I know I'm young. But you've always said I was a very levelheaded guy, and I am. I have job offers, I know exactly what I want my future to be, and I have this incredible role model...
- Armand: Oh, please.
- Val: No, it's true. You know, I'm the only guy in my fraternity who doesn't come from a broken home.
- Armand: Stop flattering me, it's cheap.
- Val: I have something to tell you. But I don't want you to get how you get.
- Armand: Oh, God...
- Val: I'm getting married.
- Armand: Oh...
- [face-palms]
- Val: I didn't want to tell you over the phone...
- Armand: Mmm.
- Val: It's a girl, I met her at school, she's wonderful...
- [Armand drains his entire glass of wine in one sip]
- Val: Uh... are you upset?
- Armand: [nods] But let me tell you why.
- Val: I assure you, Mother is just following a train of thought to a logical, yet absurd conclusion... much in the same way Jonathan Swift did when he suggested the Irish feed their babies to the rich.
- Val: My first day at Edison Park, you remember what you told me?
- Armand: No.
- Val: You said if Miss Donovan asks me what my father does for a living, I should say he's a businessman.
- Armand: Well, you were a baby. And Miss Donovan was a small-minded idiot. I didn't want you to get hurt. It's different now. You're a man.
- Val: I can still get hurt.