Val Kilmer credited as playing...
Batman • Bruce Wayne
- Alfred Pennyworth: [first lines; about bringing a sandwich before action] Can I persuade you to take a sandwich with you, sir?
- Batman: I'll get drive-thru.
- Bruce Wayne: "We're 5 little items of an everyday sort. You'll find us all in a tennis court". In... A-E-I-O-U. Vowels.
- Alfred Pennyworth: Not entirely unclever, sir, but what do a clock, a match, chess pawns, and vowels have in common? What do these riddles mean?
- Bruce Wayne: Every riddle has a number in the question and they arrived at this order: 13, 1, 8, and 5.
- Alfred Pennyworth: 13, 1, 8, and 5. What do they mean?
- Bruce Wayne: Perhaps letters of the alphabet?
- Alfred Pennyworth: Of course, 13 is M.
- Bruce Wayne: 1 would be A, 8 would be H, and 5 would be E.
- Alfred Pennyworth: M-A-H-E.
- Bruce Wayne: Perhaps 1 and 8 are 18.
- Alfred Pennyworth: 18 is R. M-R-E.
- Bruce Wayne: How about Mr. E.?
- Alfred Pennyworth: Mystery.
- Bruce Wayne: And another name for mystery?
- Alfred Pennyworth: Enigma.
- Bruce Wayne: Mr. E. Nygma. Edward Nygma. Stickley's suicide was obviously a computer-generated forgery.
- Alfred Pennyworth: You really are quite bright, despite what people say.
- Batman: I see without seeing. To me, darkness is as clear as daylight. What am I?
- The Riddler: Please! You're as blind as a bat!
- Batman: Exactly.
- [throws a batarang at his throne]
- The Riddler: Why? Why can't I kill you? Too many questions. Too many questions.
- Batman: Poor Edward. I had to save them both. You see, I'm both Bruce Wayne and Batman, not because I have to be, now, because I choose to be.
- Alfred Pennyworth: [Bruce is with Chase when he contacts him] I'm sorry to bother you, sir. But I have some rather distressing news about Master Dick.
- Bruce Wayne: What, is he all right?
- Alfred Pennyworth: I'm afraid Master Dick has... gone traveling.
- Bruce Wayne: He ran away?
- Alfred Pennyworth: Actually, he took the car.
- Bruce Wayne: He boosted the Jag?
- Alfred Pennyworth: Not the Jaguar. The other car.
- Bruce Wayne: The Bentley?
- Alfred Pennyworth: No, sir. The other car.
- Batman: I read your work. Insightful. Naive, but insightful.
- Dr. Chase Meridian: I'm flattered. Not every girl makes a superhero's night table.
- The Riddler: [after being defeated] Why? Why can't I kill you? Too many questions. Too many questions.
- Batman: Poor Edward. I had to save them both. You see, I'm both Bruce Wayne and Batman. Not because I have to be. Now... because I choose to be.
- The Riddler: [Batman holds out his hand, as he backs away as he sees a bat] AAAAHHH! AHHHHGH! AAAAGH!
- Batman: Commissioner Gordon?
- Dr. Chase Meridian: He's at home. I sent the signal.
- Batman: What's wrong?
- Dr. Chase Meridian: Last night at the bank I noticed something about Two-Face. His coin. It's his Achilles' heel. It can be exploited.
- Batman: I know. You called me here for this? The Batsignal is not a beeper.
- Dr. Chase Meridian: Well I wish I could say that my interest in you was... purely professional.
- Batman: You trying to get under my cape, doctor?
- Dr. Chase Meridian: A girl can't live by psychoses alone.
- Batman: It's the car, right? Chicks love the car.
- Dr. Chase Meridian: [laughs] What is it about the wrong kind of man? In grade school it was boys with earrings, high school; motorcycles; college, leather jackets. Now...
- Dr. Chase Meridian: [feels his suit] Ahhh. Black rubber.
- Batman: Try firemen, less to take off.
- Dr. Chase Meridian: [Batman hastens away but she follows him] I don't mind the work. Pity I can't see behind the mask.
- Batman: We all wear masks.
- Dr. Chase Meridian: My life's an open book. You read?
- Batman: I don't blend in at a family picnic.
- Dr. Chase Meridian: Oh, we could give it a try. I'll bring the wine, you bring your scarred psyche.
- Batman: [Chase removes her coat, revealing a sexy black dress] Direct, aren't you?
- Dr. Chase Meridian: You like strong women. I've done my homework. Or do I need skin-tight vinyl and a whip?
- Batman: I haven't had that much luck with women.
- Dr. Chase Meridian: Maybe you just haven't met the right woman.
- [they are about to kiss, but are suddenly interrupted by Gordon's arrival]
- Bruce Wayne: Just what the hell do you think you were doing?
- Dick Grayson: You got a real graditiude problem, you know that Bruce? I need a name, Batboy? Nightwing? I don't know, help me out, what's a good side-kick name?
- Bruce Wayne: How about: Dick Grayson; College Student.
- Dick Grayson: Screw you. I just saved your life. You owe me.
- Bruce Wayne: You were totally out of control, you're gonna get yourself killed.
- Dick Grayson: You're looking at a new partner.
- Bruce Wayne: [Aggravated] No!
- Dick Grayson: Bruce. whenever you go out at night, I'll be watching. And wherever Batman goes, I'm gonna be right beside him. I mean, how you gonna stop me?
- Bruce Wayne: [Stands up] I can stop you.
- Dick Grayson: [Hands Alfred his costume] Al. Put this next to the Bat suit, where it belongs.
- Dick Grayson: I need a name! Batboy, Nightwing, I dunno. What you think? What's a good sidekick name?
- Bruce Wayne: How about Dick Grayson, college student?
- Dick Grayson: Screw you!
- Dick Grayson: All I can think about every second of the day is getting Two-Face. He took my whole life. And when I was out there tonight, I imagined it was him that I was fighting, even when I was fighting you. And all the pain went away. Do you understand?
- Bruce Wayne: Yes, I do.
- Dick Grayson: Good, cause you gotta help me find him. And when we do, I'm the one who kills him.
- Bruce Wayne: So, you're willing to take a life.
- Dick Grayson: Long as it's Two-Face.
- Bruce Wayne: Then it will happen this way: You make the kill, but your pain doesn't die with Harvey, it grows. So you run out into the night to find another face, and another, and another, until one terrible morning you wake up and realize that revenge has become your whole life. And you won't know why.
- Dick Grayson: You can't understand. Your family wasn't killed by a maniac.
- Bruce Wayne: Yes, they were. We're the same.
- Alfred Pennyworth: Master Bruce. Master Bruce. How are you, young man?
- Bruce Wayne: You haven't called me that for a long time.
- Alfred Pennyworth: Old habits die hard. Are you all right?
- Bruce Wayne: Where's Chase?
- Alfred Pennyworth: I'm afraid they've taken Dr. Meridian. Master Dick has run away. The cave has been destroyed. And there's another riddle.
- Batman: What do you suggest, Alfred? By sea... or by air?
- Robin: Why not both?
- [Robin walks down the stairs]
- Batman: [Batman gives Robin a once over] Who's your tailor?
- Alfred Pennyworth: I took the liberty, sir.
- Batman: R. What's that stand for?
- Robin: [Robin turns and looks at Alfred] Robin. Riddler and Two-Face can make a pretty lethal combination. I figured you could use a hand.
- Batman: Two against two are better odds.
- Robin: I can't promise I won't kill Harvey.
- Batman: A man's got to go his own way. A friend taught me that.
- Robin: Not just a friend.
- [Robin extends his hand]
- Batman: [Batman takes Robin's hand] A partner.
- The Riddler: By the way, I've seen your mind. Freak! Yours is the greatest riddle of all! Can Bruce Wayne and Batman ever truly coexist? We'll find out today! But first, let's meet our contestants. Behind curtain... number one!
- The Riddler: [Sugar pulls the rope, the curtain drops and reveals Chase Meridian tied up and hung in a container high up in the room] The absolutely fabulous Dr. Chase Meridian! She enjoys hiking, manicures and foolishly hopes to be the love of Bruce's life... HA!
- Two-Face: [clapping his hands] Heh!
- The Riddler: And behind curtain number two!
- The Riddler: [Spice pulls the rope, another curtain drops and reveals two holes in the floor leading into a dark pit. Both are underneath the two containers] Fatman's one and only partner! This acrobat turned orphan like Saturday morning cartoons and dreams one day being...
- The Riddler: [whispers] bare naked with a girl!
- Two-Face: Gasp!
- The Riddler: [He turns to Two-Face, laughs] and below these contestants... my personal favorite: A watery grave!
- The Riddler: [He reveals two holes in the floor leading into a dark pit. Both are underneath the two containers and he points to his scepter] Just one little touch... and five seconds later, these two date players are GULL FEED on the rocks below... Not enough time to save them both... Which one will it be, Batman? Bruce's love... or the Dark Knight's junior partner?
- Batman: [the Riddler imitates a game show timer while he ponders in thought] There is no way for me to save them or myself... This is all one giant death trap.
- The Riddler: Judges?
- The Riddler: [makes a buzzer noise] I'm sorry. Your answer must be in the form of a question. But, thank you for playing.
- Batman: [Shortly after The Riddler begins to push the button on his Spector] Wait! I have a riddle for you.
- The Riddler: For me? Really?
- The Riddler: [laughing] Tell me.
- Batman: I see without seeing. To me, darkness is as clear as daylight. What am I?
- The Riddler: Please... You're as blind as a bat!
- Batman: Exactly.
- [Batman throws a batarang at The Riddler's throne]
- Bruce Wayne: [Edward extends his had to shake Bruce's] Mister...?
- Edward Nygma: Ohhhhh... Bruce Wayne.
- Bruce Wayne: No, that's uh, my name. And you are?
- Edward Nygma: Oh! Nygma. Edward... Edward Nygma. You hired me personally. We've never actually met, but your name is on the hiring slip. I have it.
- Bruce Wayne: I'm gonna need that hand back, Ed.
- Bruce Wayne: Oh! Yes, of course! I'm sorry. It's just that... you're my idol.
- Fred Stickley: Back to work, Edward.
- Edward Nygma: [yanks arm away] And some people have been trying to keep us apart
- Fred Stickley: Back to work, Edward!
- Bruce Wayne: It's okay. So, Mr. Nygma, what's on your mind?
- Edward Nygma: Precisely! What's on all our minds? Brainwaves.
- [giggles, running back toward his cubicle]
- Edward Nygma: The future of Wayne Enterprises is brainwaves.
- Fred Stickley: You'll have to forgive this, Mr. Wayne; I personally terminated this project this morning!
- Bruce Wayne: It's okay.
- Edward Nygma: [pops out with a high-tech contraption] I have it! Voila! Huh? My invention beams any TV signal directly into the human brain. By stimulating the neurons, manipulating brainwaves if you will, this device makes the viewer feel like they're actually inside the show! Why be brutalized by an uncaring world?
- Bruce Wayne: Did you say manipulating brainwaves?
- Edward Nygma: Well... uh... yes.
- Bruce Wayne: Hmmm.
- Edward Nygma: Not that someone like you would need this. Someone so... sophisticated... and intelligent. I just need additional funds and time for human testing. Let me show you, please!
- Bruce Wayne: Now look, Ed. I'm going to need a full set of technical schematics on this, all right?
- Edward Nygma: I want you to know we're gonna be full partners on this Bruce! Look at us! Two of a kind!
- Bruce Wayne: You call my assistant Margaret, she'll set something up.
- Edward Nygma: [grabs Wayne by the arm] Uhhhhhh... that's not gonna be good for me. I need an answer now. I think I deserve it.
- Bruce Wayne: I'm sorry, Ed, then the answer's no. Stimulating neurons... tampering with people's brainwaves... it just raises too many questions. I'm sorry. Thanks, everybody, factory looks great; keep up the good work.
- Fred Stickley: All right, everyone. Back to work...
- Fred Stickley: [in Nygma's ear] We'll discuss this later!
- Edward Nygma: [watching Wayne leave] You were supposed to understand!... I'll make you understand.
- Dr. Chase Meridian: He'll slaughter them without thinking twice.
- Batman: Agreed. A trauma powerful enough to create an alternate personality leaves the victim...
- Dr. Chase Meridian: - in a world where normal rules of right and wrong no longer apply.
- Batman: Exactly.
- Dr. Chase Meridian: Like you. - Well, let's just say that I could write a hell of a paper on a grown man who dresses like a flying rodent.
- Batman: Bats aren't rodents, Dr. Meridian.
- Bruce Wayne: [bursting into Dr. Meridian's office, thinking she's in trouble, only to find her training with a punching bag] I... guess I'm early. I have an appointment. I'm Bruce Wayne.
- Dr. Chase Meridian: Good. You can afford to buy me a new door.
- Bruce Wayne: [trying to fit it back into the jamb] I... I'm sorry. I... you, uh, sounded like you were in... in, uh... uh... you know, trouble.
- Dr. Chase Meridian: I prefer healty expressions of violence, as opposed to breaking and entering.
- Bruce Wayne: What's this?
- Margaret: I don't know. I didn't see anyone.
- Bruce Wayne: [opening it] "If you look at the numbers on my face, you won't find 13 anyplace."
- Margaret: That's hideous. What does it mean?
- Bruce Wayne: It's a riddle. Numbers on my face, 13... 1 through 12. The answer is a clock.
- Margaret: Who would send you a riddle?
- Bruce Wayne: That, Maggie, is the riddle.