- Bridget Gregory: Could you leave? Please?
- Mike Swale: I haven't finished charming you yet.
- Bridget Gregory: You haven't started.
- Mike Swale: Gimme a chance.
- Bridget Gregory: Look, go find yourself a nice little cowgirl and make nice little cowbabies and leave me alone.
- Mike Swale: I'm hung like a horse. Think about it.
- [pause]
- Bridget Gregory: Let's see.
- Mike Swale: Excuse me?
- Bridget Gregory: Mr. Ed, let's see.
- Mike Swale: Look, I tried to be nice. I can see that's something you're not...
- Bridget Gregory: No, I'm trying. I can be very nice when I try. Sit down.
- Mike Swale: OK, maybe we just got off to a bad start. I know plenty of people -
- [Bridget unzips his fly]
- Mike Swale: What are you doing?
- Bridget Gregory: I believe what we're looking for is a certain horse-like quality?
- Mike Swale: I'm trying to figure out whether you're a total fucking bitch or not.
- Bridget Gregory: I am a total fucking bitch.
- Bridget Gregory: You're my designated fuck.
- Mike Swale: Designated fuck? Do they make cards for that? What if I want to be more than your designated fuck?
- Bridget Gregory: Then I'll designate someone else.
- Frank Griffith: Well that is the first place Clay would expect you to go. Stay put.
- Bridget Gregory: You can't be serious.
- Frank Griffith: Look, maybe he won't stall. Can he afford a good lawyer?
- Bridget Gregory: Not anymore.
- Frank Griffith: How silly of me to ask.
- Clay Gregory: Ooohh, she must have worked up one hell of a morality play for you, but you don't like the way it ends.
- Mike Swale: What are you talkin' about?
- Clay Gregory: You're supposed to kill "Cahill", only it's me. Then, she fingers you for the murder.
- Mike Swale: I don't think so.
- Clay Gregory: Oh, she wouldn't lie to you... . denial. Okay. I'm still Cahill. Did she ever happen to mention she knows Cahill so well that he would have a picture of her in his apartment - that's a pretty major omission isn't it?
- Mike Swale: Will you SHUT UP? Shut up and let me think, just shut your mouth!
- Mike Swale: It's strange, none of the other secretaries seem to know who you are.
- Bridget Gregory: I'm not a secretary, you rural Neanderthal, I'm...
- Mike Swale: Director of lead generation, I'm just tryin' to get your attention.
- Bridget Gregory: ...That's good!
- Frank Griffith: Well I'm sorry the law doesn't make it more convenient for you to steal and deal drugs, Bridget.
- Clay Gregory: [handcuffed] Wait a minute... oh fuck. You're into her, huh? That's logical, I guess there aren't many women fuck like her in God-town.
- [Mike kicks Clay hard]
- Mike Swale: Keep talkin'... keep talkin'!
- Clay Gregory: You're schizoid, talk to yourself.
- [Mike breaks into Clay's apartment and prods him awake]
- Mike Swale: ...I'm here to rob the place.
- Clay Gregory: I thought you were the new decorator.
- Mike Swale: [drunkenly calling Bridget's answering machine] You know I try, I really try to believe that you love me but you keep treating me like some kind of forage experiment. You talk about us living in New York... I mean really, come on how long until "Phhhtt.. where'd she go? Where'd she go"?
- Clay Gregory: What kind of... .?
- Junkie: I need to lose some weight. I mean... gotta go on a diet.
- Clay Gregory: Hmm... well, Thinfast?
- Junkie: Huh?
- Clay Gregory: Thinfast...?
- Junkie: Huh?
- Harlan: You TRIED IT you asshole!
- Junkie: Uhh right... didn't work.
- Clay Gregory: Okay, okay... I think you'll like this.
- [hands him a prescription and he leaves]
- Harlan: Charming business.
- Bridget Gregory: Good morning, Alison.
- Receptionist: There was a black man here to see you.
- Bridget Gregory: What did he want?
- Receptionist: He wouldn't say. He was black, though.
- [Bridget nods and walks away]
- Mail Boy: [to receptionist] Did you tell her about the black man?
- Mike Swale: Grow up.
- Chris: What? Did you leave your dick in Buffalo?
- Mike Swale: Chris, these women are anchors.
- Chris: Here he goes again.
- Mike Swale: How many guys in this bar have felt her up?
- Chris: All of them.
- Mike Swale: Right. And how many have gone home with her, how many guys have slept with her?
- Chris: None, including yourself.
- Mike Swale: Right, I rest my case.
- Chris: Don't rest it too long, 'cause I promise you it will fall off.
- Harlan: How the fuck do you stay up here? I mean, these people... I go in the store this morning for cigarettes, they got ducks under the counter. What, do they plant these people or do they just grow out of the ground? And they look at me like, hell, I don't know.
- Bridget Gregory: Well, you know, they're not used to seeing guys like you around here, if you know what I mean.
- [pause]
- Bridget Gregory: Is it true what they say?
- Harlan: What?
- Bridget Gregory: You know, size?
- Harlan: Is it true what they say about white women?
- Bridget Gregory: What's that?
- Harlan: No ass.
- Bridget Gregory: Oh, come on. I was wondering for real. Let me see it.
- Harlan: Fuck you. Drive.
- Bridget Gregory: I'm sorry.
- Harlan: About what?
- Bridget Gregory: About your shortcoming.
- Harlan: I'm not gonna play this game.
- Bridget Gregory: Is that why you carry a big gun?
- Harlan: The Freudian mind-fuck isn't gonna work either.
- Bridget Gregory: Ooh, touchy. I'm sure your woman is very understanding.
- Harlan: Exactly how is it that we end this phase of our relationship?
- Bridget Gregory: By you showing it to me. Come on, let me see it. I've never seen one before.
- [pause]
- Bridget Gregory: I'll show you my ass.
- Harlan: What makes you think I wanna see your bony ass?
- Bridget Gregory: Show me.
- Harlan: Show me.
- Bridget Gregory: I'm driving. You go first.
- Harlan: No, you go first.
- [pause]
- Harlan: You'll shut the fuck up if I show you?
- Bridget Gregory: I'm sure I'll be too stunned to speak.
- Harlan: I don't believe this. You're crazy. Shit.
- [he exposes himself]
- Harlan: Okay, there, you happy?
- Clay Gregory: I borrowed $100K from a man whose first and last names end in vowels. Every week I owe him a new ten thousand dollars in interest - and when I come up just a little short, he's got this very fun game that he plays with thumbs. I hired a private detective for *fifty percent*, but now that I know where you are I am perfectly willing to spend all the money in hiring a clinical sociopath to take it from you - and fuck you through the eye sockets JUST FOR FUN!
- Bridget Gregory: A friend needs advice. I'll set it up for you: A husband and wife do a one-time drug deal. The goal is a wholesome one.
- Frank Griffith: College fund for the kids.
- Bridget Gregory: No. The wife wants new digs. Comes off without a hitch, only the wife decides that the new house would be happier without the husband.
- Frank Griffith: Sharing was never her specialty.
- [after Bridget has dialed 911]
- Mike Swale: Is this what you want? Is *this* what you want? I'm gonna rape you, you wanna be raped? I'm gonna FUCKIN' rape you! BITCH!
- 911 Operator: Miss? Miss, I'm tracing your call right now.
- Mike Swale: Don't rape you, YOU LIKE IT? DON'T YOU WANNA BE RAPED?
- Bridget Gregory: HE KILLED MY HUSBAND!
- Mike Swale: You're GODDAMN right! You're goddamn right!
- Bridget Gregory: You killed my husband!
- Mike Swale: You're goddamn right I did. You're goddamn right I did.
- 911 Operator: Alright miss, I have located you and I have a car on the way.
- Bridget Gregory: I'm Trish.
- Mike Swale: Oh, you're Trish?
- [smacks Bridget across the face]
- Mike Swale: Fuck you. You FUCK. Fuckin' bitch. Fuck you. Is this what you want? Is this what you want? DO YOU LIKE IT?
- Mike Swale: You really her husband...?
- Clay Gregory: Who'd she say I was?
- Mike Swale: Foreclosure lawyer.
- Clay Gregory: And you believed that?
- Mike Swale: It says so on the mailbox.
- Clay Gregory: You're crazy.
- Mike Swale: It does, it says "Cahill" on the mailbox.
- Clay Gregory: Find one other thing in here that... . ooh, ooh.
- [scrambles to his feet]
- Clay Gregory: She's here. She's in New York.
- Bridget Gregory: [lying on bed next to lover] Mike... Tell me about your wife.
- Mike Swale: How'd you know?
- Bridget Gregory: [smiles] I didn't.
- Mike Swale: [scoffs] That's a good trick
- Bridget Gregory: [snickers] Tell me.
- [draws from cigarette]
- Mike Swale: Not much to tell, it happened when I lived in Buffalo.
- Bridget Gregory: One of those sudden horny things?
- [toys with her hair]
- Mike Swale: You could say that.
- Bridget Gregory: Her idea?
- Mike Swale: Mm-hmm.
- Bridget Gregory: Between fucking?
- Mike Swale: [smirks] Mm-hmm.
- Bridget Gregory: What's her name?
- Mike Swale: Trish.
- Bridget Gregory: Trish... short for?
- Mike Swale: Whatever.
- Bridget Gregory: Is she pretty?
- [he nods]
- Bridget Gregory: Are you still in love with her?
- Mike Swale: [shakes his head,] No
- [gets up]
- Mike Swale: No...
- Bridget Gregory: I thought you were the one who wanted to talk.
- Mike Swale: You want me to tell you about Trish?
- Bridget Gregory: Mm-hmm.
- Mike Swale: Trish was a mistake. Boy from Beston moves to Buffalo. Gets lonely. Meets girl. Screws up big-time.
- [shakes his head]
- Mike Swale: Nothin' to be ashamed of. I just wanted some more excitement, you know? I wanted more adventure. Until recently, all I wanted to do was get the hell out of this small town.
- Bridget Gregory: [as Mike walks towards the bathroom:] Until recently?
- Mike Swale: Thats what I said.
- [closes door]
- Bridget Gregory: [alone, repeats his words] "Until recently." What happened recently?
- [gets up, goes in after him]
- Bridget Gregory: What happened recently?
- [opens shower cubicle's door]
- Bridget Gregory: What happened, Mike?
- Mike Swale: Can I have a little privacy, please?
- Bridget Gregory: [closes door behind her, presses body up against him] Tell me what happened.
- Mike Swale: *You* happened, all right?
- Bridget Gregory: What's so special about me?
- Mike Swale: You've been out there. You came here and you chose me.
- Bridget Gregory: So?
- Mike Swale: So I was right. I'm bigger than this town.
- Bridget Gregory: So what's wrong?
- Mike Swale: You can't stop reminding me... that you're bigger than me.
- Frank Griffith: Well, it's just an opinion since you're not paying for it, but the husband is entitled to half of whatever you buy with that cash. In fact, as soon as you turn it into a legal asset, like a condo, or a house or a bank account, he can make a claim on it.
- Bridget Gregory: What are you saying?
- Frank Griffith: My lips movin' too fast for you?
- Bridget Gregory: Not fast enough, as I recall.
- Frank Griffith: Now, now. Keep it in cash. He's not gonna ask a judge for half of that unless he wants to spend the next 20 years in Attica with somebody's dick up his ass.
- Mike Swale: [after realizing he has drunk-dialed] I can't let you hear this... I can't let you hear this.
- Shep: Did you divorce her?
- Mike Swale: I'll get around to it. I cannot spend the rest of my life here. I know what's gonna happen each and every day.
- Shep: [sighs] So, when do you leave?
- Mike Swale: [shakes his head] How long does it take to grow a new set of balls?
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