- Sheila Kingston: You took off your clothes in his office? I could never do that, you know. Even at home, I take off my clothes in the bathroom and then I jump into bed real quick... which is kinda wierd because I live alone.
- Sheila Kingston: I'll catch you later, I gotta get a bikini wax.
- Fred Lavery: Ugh! Just stop telling me about that disgusting female stuff. No wonder you were never married.
- Sheila Kingston: I have PMS too, do you know that?
- Fred Lavery: Ay!
- Sheila Kingston: Sometimes I bloat...
- Fred Lavery: Nnnn!
- Sheila Kingston: weight gain...
- Fred Lavery: Hey!
- Sheila Kingston: temporary water build-up...
- Fred Lavery: Aah!
- Sheila Kingston: I hate to tell you this Fred, I clot...
- Fred Lavery: Ay ye ye!
- Sheila Kingston: heavy flow days...
- Fred Lavery: Eeh!
- Lisa Emerson: [fondling Elliot Slater who is naked] You know how some men like women's legs, some like big breasts, some like long hair? Know what I like?
- [squeezes Elliot's butt]
- Lisa Emerson: I like butts. Men's beautiful behinds. You know what I like to do to gorgeous butts? I like to squeeze them, pinch them and caress them.
- [is doing all this as she speaks]
- Lisa Emerson: And finally, the experts predict, to survive intamacy in the year 2000, women will learn to be more sexually aggressive, and men more romantic.
- Fred Lavery: Good morning and welcome to L.A.'s premium triple X club: The Feather. When the sun comes up, the bras come down. It is dark and time for our sunrise special. Cock-a-doodle-doo!
- Fred Lavery: Why are you busting our chops like this?
- Hotel manager: Well, I'll tell you. I hate cops an awful lot.
- Sheila Kingston: [under her breath] I'm gonna kill him.
- Fred Lavery: And it doesn't matter that this is a life-and-death issue?
- Hotel manager: Nope.
- Fred Lavery: Well, do you want us to bribe you with money?
- Hotel manager: Nope.
- Sheila Kingston: You wanna see me naked?
- Hotel manager: Now that's an idea!
- Tommy Miller: May I do my specialty?
- Sheila Kingston: Ah, no, I don't really feel like having my toes sucked right now.
- Sheila Kingston: Listen, I've had my share of bad times with men, okay? Some are a**holes, Elliot is not. If we don't cultivate the good ones, there aren't going to be any.
- Fred Lavery: Ok, well, I guess I'm off to your little S&M fantasy island, where the little guy runs around yelling, "The pain! The pain!"
- Elliot Slater: I always have trouble saying your name Martin because Australians have difficulty with the American 'R". It would be a lot easier if your name was Bob.
- Dr. Martin Halifax: You've achieved a great deal of success in your creative and artistic field. You've traveled a great deal. You have influential friends. You've dated a bevy of bright and beautiful woman. Yet, with all this, you never had a lasting relationship.
- Sheila Kingston: Our back-up finally arrived. Late. Must have been a line up at Dunkin Donuts. We got the diamonds, the bad guys got away. All we know, one of them had a bad cold.
- Fred Lavery: An alternative lifestyle. DO you know what that is? That's just a phrase deviants use to cover up their sex lives.
- Sheila Kingston: How do you decide you wanna be a dominatrix? What, do you wake up one day and go, "Hey, I feel like being bossy"?
- Fred Lavery: Read her her rights and make sure she understands them.
- Sheila Kingston: [mocking Nina's accent] You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and vill be used against you...
- Sheila Kingston: Maybe if you spiced up your sex life a little you wouldn't be divorced.
- Fred Lavery: What do you mean? I spiced it up plenty. Many's the time I let the wife get on top.
- All-tied-up shop clerk: You know a lot of people feel a little nervous about this whole submissive/dominant thing at first, but, you know, really the submissive person is always in control. All you have to do is give your partner a little control word, like "yellow."
- Sheila Kingston: Yellow... Y'ello! Fred!
- Elliot Slater: I just thought it would be great to be alone in a traditional Southern bedroom with...
- Lisa Emerson: ...no equipment.
- Lisa Emerson: Babies *and* bondage, I could do both?
- Elliot Slater: Yeah, I'd love to say, "My wife is a dominatrix."
- Lisa Emerson: I can just see myself at the kids' school on career day.
- Sheila Kingston: But isn't there a happy medium. You know, like, I tie you up one night, you tie me up the next night?
- Priscilla's client: Mistress Priscilla, I'm ready to be punished.
- Priscilla: [to Nina and Omar] Look, I have to go to work!
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