- Chandler: I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name.
- [Ross is trying to talk Rachel's boss into giving her her job back so she won't go to Paris; Mr. Zelner has a son who is also named Ross]
- Ross: Does little Ross like dinosaurs by any chance?
- Mr. Zelner: Yeah, they're all he talks about, why?
- Ross: How would he like to come with me to the Museum of Natural History after everyone else has left, just the two of us, and he can touch anything he wants.
- [Mr. Zelner looks shocked]
- Ross: I just heard it as you must have heard it and that's not good. Let me start again. I'm a paleontologist, you'll be there with us and the touching refers only to bones - fossils!
- [Ross defends his fast eating habits to Rachel]
- Ross: I grew up in a house with Monica, okay. If you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat.
- Ross: First divorce: wife's hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn't let you get married when you're that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face, Nevada's fault.
- Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise.
- Chandler: Oh, my God.
- Monica: Chandler, in all my life I never thought I would be so lucky as to fall in love with my best, my best...
- [crying]
- Monica: There's a reason why girls don't do this.
- Chandler: Okay, okay I'll do it. I thought, wait I can do this, I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, that you make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you let me I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Monica, will you marry me?
- Monica: Yes.
- [Joey just got ordained via the internet so that he could perform Monica and Chandler's wedding]
- Joey: Hey, I started working on what I'm going to say at the ceremony. Wanna hear it?
- Monica, Chandler: Yeah.
- Joey: We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share.
- [Monica and Chandler look impressed]
- Joey: It is a love based of giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have... and receive.
- [later]
- Joey: Okay, you guys, I've got a little more written... are you ready?
- Chandler: Yeah, yeah. Okay.
- Joey: When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I cannot help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving... and then I can't think of a good word for right here.
- Monica: How bout receiving?
- Joey: Yes!
- Phoebe: [Right after playing a song in the coffee shop] If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.
- Chandler: [to Ross] Three failed marriages, two illegitimate children... The personal ad writes itself.
- Phoebe: Ok, I got an idea. If it's a girl, Phoebe, naturally. And, if it's a boy... Phoebo.
- Ross: Uhh... Sure, but let's not limit ourselves to just one name.
- Rachel: Ok, I got one. If it's a girl... Sandrine. It's French.
- Ross: That's a great name... for an industrial solvent.
- Rachel: Ok, you got a better one?
- Ross: Yeah, check this out. If it's a boy - Darwin.
- Rachel: Yes, Ross, I do want a son who'll be regularly beaten in the schoolyard.
- Phoebe: By Sandrine.
- Monica: Rach, it's the Visa card people.
- Rachel: Oh, God, ask them what they want.
- Monica: [on the phone] Could you please tell me what this is in reference to? Yes, hold on.
- [to Rachel]
- Monica: Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account.
- Rachel: But I haven't used my card in weeks.
- Monica: That is the unusual activity.
- [Re: "If you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?"]
- Monica: Sex!
- Chandler: Seriously. Answer faster.
- Monica: I'm sorry, sweetie. When she said "sex" I wasn't thinking of sex with you.
- Chandler: It's like a big hug.
- Phoebe: Ross, how about you? Sex or food?
- Ross: Sex!
- Phoebe: What about sex or dinosaurs?
- Ross: My God, it's like Sophie's Choice.
- Phoebe: Joey, if you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?
- Joey: I don't know it's too hard.
- Rachel: Come on, you have to answer.
- Joey: Okay... sex. No, food. No, uh... I want both! I want girls on bread!
- Monica: [chasing after him] Chandler. It happens to lots of guys. You-you-you were probably tired, you had a lot of champagne, don't worry about it.
- Chandler: [motioning with his hands] I'm not worried, I'm uh, I'm fascinated. Y'know it's like uh, Biology. Which is funny because in high school I uh, I-I failed Biology and tonight Biology failed me.
- Phoebe: Chandler still thinks I'm pregnant and he hasn't asked me how I'm feeling or offered to carry my bags. I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him.
- Chandler: I can't say hump or screw in front of the b-a-b-y... I just spelled the wrong words didn't I?