Matt Clark credited as playing...
Edward A. Horrigan Jr.
- 1st Scientist: [talking about the smokeless Premier cigarette survey] Well of all the people we surveyed the results were just about uniform
- F. Ross Johnson: Uh huh.
- Edward A. Horrigan Jr.: They all said they tasted like shit.
- F. Ross Johnson: Like shit?
- 2nd Scientist: Shit was the consensus, yes sir.
- F. Ross Johnson: They all said that? Nobody liked them?
- 2nd Scientist: Fewer than 5%
- F. Ross Johnson: You said you heard the results were terrific.
- Edward A. Horrigan Jr.: There's nothing wrong with 5%, Ross, I'll take 5% of the smoking market any day of the week
- F. Ross Johnson: How much are we into right now?
- 1st Scientist: Right now?
- F. Ross Johnson: To date, to here, to now?
- 1st Scientist: Upwards of 350.
- F. Ross Johnson: We've spent 350 million dollars and we come up with a turd with a tip? God almighty, Ed! We poured enough technology in this project to send a cigarette to the moon and we come up with one that tastes like it took a dump?
- Edward A. Horrigan Jr.: We haven't even talked about the smell.
- F. Ross Johnson: Oh what did they say that was like? A fart?
- Edward A. Horrigan Jr.: Yep.
- F. Ross Johnson: Oh you're not serious! They really said that?
- 2nd Scientist: We have an awful lot of fart figures.
- F. Ross Johnson: Tastes like shit and smells like a fart! Got ourselves a real winner here, it's one goddamn unique advertising slogan I'll give you that.
- F. Ross Johnson: And what the hell's wrong with the draw? You need an extra set of lungs just to take a drag.
- 1st Scientist: It is a little difficult.
- F. Ross Johnson: A little difficult?
- 2nd Scientist: It's what we call the 'hernia effect'.
- F. Ross Johnson: Is that's what we call it? Well there's another great billboard for you. What do we do, give away a truss with every pack? WARNING - this cigarette can tear your balls off!
- Edward A. Horrigan Jr.: Their not so bad.
- F. Ross Johnson: Stop jerking off Ed. Who the hell would sneak into a john to smoke one of these. Wherever you light one up you're in the shit house and I'm beginning to get the same feeling myself.
- [Johnson and Ed talking by mobile phone, each in a company jet, flying very close together]
- F. Ross Johnson: Did you see the hatchet job in 'Business Week'? RJR low stock price, tobacco company declining performance, executive extravagance. I love this: 'CEO F Ross Johnson routinely presses fifty dollar bills into the hands of wine stewards.'
- Edward A. Horrigan Jr.: I saw that.
- F. Ross Johnson: Fifty dollar bills! Jesus! It's been years since I tipped that little!
- Edward A. Horrigan Jr.: [puffing on a big cigar - cloud of smoke] Ross thinks we should all talk.
- George Roberts: [looking uncomfortable] Sure glad you guys don't make cigars.
- Edward A. Horrigan Jr.: Smoke bothers you?
- George Roberts: Only if I'm the same city with it.
- Edward A. Horrigan Jr.: [disgustedly] Fucking beautiful!