Dan Aykroyd credited as playing...
Mother
- Mother: Okay, boss, this LTX-71 concealable mike is part of the same system that NASA used when they faked the Apollo Moon landings. They had the astronauts broadcast around the world from a sound stage at Norton Air Force Base in San Bernadino, California. So it worked for them, shouldn't give us too many problems.
- [Crease and Mother are being held at gunpoint by two guards]
- Donald Crease: Did I ever tell you why I had to leave the CIA?
- Mother: No...
- Donald Crease: My temper.
- [Behind the guards, Whistler throws the van into reverse. One of the guards spins around to look, and Crease grabs his shotgun and knocks out both guards]
- Mother: Wow...
- Donald Crease: Motherfuckers mess with me, I'll split your head!
- Mother: They've even got photos of the guy leaving the embassy, through the back service entrance. Hey, Crease, you on?
- Donald Crease: Yeah, I'm on.
- Mother: Were you still in C.I.A. in '72?
- Donald Crease: Yeah, why?
- Mother: Did you know the Deputy Director of Planning was down in Managua, Nicaragua the day before the earthquake?
- Donald Crease: Now what are you saying, the C.I.A. caused the Managua earthquake?
- Mother: Well, I can't prove it, but...
- [Mother walks into the room and triggers the motion sensor]
- Donald Crease: This is what's in Cosmo's office. Best motion sensor on the market.
- Mother: And watch this.
- [he breathes in front of the sensor, and it goes off]
- Donald Crease: Also responds to thermal differentials.
- Martin Bishop: Does this have a happy ending?
- Mother: Oh, yeah. We can wrap you in a full-body suit of neoprene, heat-resistant rubber. Or we can raise the temperature in Cosmo's office to 98.6 degrees - which is probably what we'll have to do, because the neoprene would suffocate you. Either way, you've got a top speed of two inches per second. Any faster than that...
- [alarm beeps]
- Mother: and, uh, big guys with guns. But you'll probably do fine.
- Martin Bishop: Since when am I the one who's...
- Mother: This is the same model answering machine that Janek used for the shell of his box, now that's what you'll be carrying across the room at two inches per second. I got that for you because I figured you'd just, you know, want to practice. Remember to go real slow!
- Martin Bishop: Slow.
- [looks at Crease]
- Donald Crease: You get all the *fun* stuff...
- Mother: We got bupkis! We turn ourselves in now, they'll give us twenty years in the electric chair!
- Mother: But the key meeting took place July 3rd, 1958, when the Air Force brought the space visitor to the White House for an interview with President Eisenhower. And Ike said, "hey look, give us your technology, we'll give you all the cow lips you want."
- [Mother (the conspiracy theorist) is reading a tabloid]
- Mother: Cattle mutilations are up.
- Donald Crease: Don't.
- Mother: Sorry.
- [watching the surveillance video over and over again as Janek types in his computer's password]
- Dr. Elena Rhyzkov: I leave message here on service, but you do not call.
- Dr. Gunter Janek: Oh, I-I'm sorry, it's just...
- Mother: [stops the tape] Okay, that's definitely W-G.
- Crease: Definitely not. No, that's a "V"...
- Martin Bishop: [giving up] She's in the way.
- Mother, Crease: Mmm.
- [while infiltrating Janek's office, his girlfriend enters unexpectedly; Martin grabs her, and in the van the others hear muffled screams]
- Donald Crease: Who the hell is that?
- Mother: Battle stations!
- Carl: One thing I don't quite get though, is that you and Cosmo were taking all these chances, all these big chances. I mean, what for?
- Martin Bishop: We were young, and there was a war on. It was a good way to meet girls.
- Liz: I'll bet.
- Mother: How come you didn't get caught?
- Martin Bishop: I went out for pizza... then I went to Canada. I was lucky, he wasn't.
- Whistler: Did he ever forgive you?
- Martin Bishop: I hope so. He died in prison.