A League of Their Own (1992)
Jon Lovitz: Ernie Capadino
Photos
Quotes
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[Ernie sees Dottie and Kit vigorously milking cows]
Ernie Capadino : Ow. Doesn't that hurt them?
Dottie Hinson : Doesn't seem to.
Ernie Capadino : Well, that would bruise the hell out of me.
Dottie Hinson : Who ARE you?
Ernie Capadino : I'm Ernie Capadino. I'm a baseball scout. I saw you playing today. Not bad, not bad. You ever heard of Walter Harvey, makes Harvey bars - you know, the candy?
Dottie Hinson : Yeah. We feed them to the cows when they're constipated.
Ernie Capadino : That's the guy. He's starting a girls' baseball league, so he can make a buck while the boys are overseas. Wanna play?
Dottie Hinson : Huh?
Ernie Capadino : Nice retort. Tryouts are in Chicago. It's a real league, professional.
Kit Keller : Professional - baseball?
Ernie Capadino : Mmm-hmm. They'll pay you 75 dollars a week.
Kit Keller : We only make 30 at the dairy.
Ernie Capadino : Well then, this would be more, wouldn't it?
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Ernie Capadino : Are you coming? See, how it works is, the train moves, not the station.
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Ernie Capadino : Hey cowgirls, see the grass? Don't eat it.
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Ernie Capadino : [to a salesman] You know, if I had your job, I'd kill myself! Wait here, I'll see if I can dig up a pistol.
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Ernie Capadino : Yeah, I'm just going home, grab a shower and shave, give the wife a little pickle-tickle, and I'm on my way.
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Ernie Capadino : Hey, no skin off my ashtabula. You want to stay here plucking cows, that's your business.
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Ernie Capadino : [to Kit, after she's interested of go to Chicago] I don't want you, i want her; The one that hits the ball. You can climb back under the cow!
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Kit Keller : Wait, can't you just watch me pitch? Dottie, get your mitt! I'll throw him a few!
Ernie Capadino : No, no, no. Now look, I know the goods when I see the goods
[Gestures to Dottie]
Ernie Capadino : She's the goods. I'm sorry.
[Puts his hand on Kit's arm in apology, then pauses and feels the muscle in Kit's arm]
Ernie Capadino : Hmm...
[Cow moos behind him]
Ernie Capadino : Will you shut up!
[to Kit]
Ernie Capadino : You're a pitcher, huh?
Kit Keller : Yeah.
Ernie Capadino : [Looks back at Dottie for a moment] I'll tell you what: she comes, you can come too. And if you stink, it'll only cost us a train ticket.
[Tries to walk through a group of chickens]
Ernie Capadino : And keep these wild animals away from me! Haven't you ever heard of a leash?
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Ernie Capadino : [sarcastically, to Dottie and Kit as they leave their farm] Did you promise the cows you'd write?
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Lady on Train : Sir your knee?
Ernie Capadino : Like It?
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Ernie Capadino : Come on now, one foot in front of the other, see?