Matt Craven credited as playing...
Lt. Dave Spradling
- Kaffee: [to his teamates in the outfield] Alright, let's go, let's get two.
- Lt. Sherby: Sorry!
- Kaffee: Nothing to be sorry about, Sherby, you just look the ball into your glove. Shootin' two!
- Lt. Sherby: Sorry!
- Kaffee: Sherby, you gotta trust me, you keep your eyes open and your chances of catching ball increase by a factor of 10.
- Lieutenant Dave Spradling: [talking through the batting cage fence] Kaffee.
- Kaffee: Let's try it again.
- Lieutenant Dave Spradling: Kaffee!
- Kaffee: Dave, you seem distraught.
- Lieutenant Dave Spradling: We were supposed to meet in your office fifteen minutes ago to talk about the McDermont case. You're stalling on this thing. We get this done right now, or I mean it, Kaffee, I'm going to hang your boy from a fuckin' yardarm!
- Kaffee: Yardarm? Sherby, does the Navy still hang people from Yardarms?
- Lt. Sherby: I don't think so.
- Kaffee: Dave, Sherby doesn't think the Navy hang people from yardarms anymore.
- Lieutenant Dave Spradling: I'm going to charge him with possession and being under the influence while on duty. You plead guilty, I recommend thirty days in the brig with loss of rank and pay.
- Kaffee: It was oregano, Dave. It was ten dollars' worth of oregano.
- Lieutenant Dave Spradling: Yeah, but your client thought it was marijuana.
- Kaffee: My client's a moron. That's not against the law.
- Lieutenant Dave Spradling: Kaffee, I have people to answer to, just like you do. I'm going to charge him.
- Kaffee: With what? Possession of a condiment?
- Lieutenant Dave Spradling: Kaffee...
- Kaffee: Dave, I tried to help you out of this, but if you ask for jail time, I'm going to file a motion to dismiss.
- Kaffee: You won't get it.
- Kaffee: I will get it. And if the MTD is denied, I'll file a motion in limine seeking to obtain an evidentary ruling in advance, and after that I'm going to file against pretrial confinement, and you're going to spend the next three months going blind on paperwork because a Signalman Second Class bought and smoked a dime bag of oregano.
- Lieutenant Dave Spradling: B misdemeanor, twenty days in the brig.
- Kaffee: C misdemeanor, fifteen days restricted duty.
- Lieutenant Dave Spradling: [realizing Danny's terms of a plea bargain is more logical because it decreases both of their workloads] I don't know why I'm agreeing to this
- Kaffee: because you have wisdom beyond your years