- Stoney: If you're edged 'cause I'm weazin all your grindage, just chill. 'Cause if I had the whole brady bunch thing happenin' at my pad, I'd go grind over there, so dont tax my gig so hard-core cruster.
- Dave: The only thing you have ever cared about was nugs, chillin' and grindage.
- Stoney: Yeah? Well, I happen to care right now!
- Dave: THAT'S convenient. You came along for the ride, and you let ME do the dirty work... 'cause you thought it might work out to your advantage.
- Stoney: [as Dave walks off] Those are desperate words of a LOSER. Maybe Matt Wilson was right about you all along.
- Dave: [turning to face him] Take that back, Stoney.
- Stoney: No, YOU take that back!
- Dave: [shoves Stoney] TAKE IT BACK!
- [they start fighting, Dave takes Stoney to the ground]
- Stoney: You're a loser.
- Link: [as he separates them] FAMILY!
- Dave: [Link restrains Dave] All right! I'm sorry.
- Link: Family.
- Stoney: Um, Robyn Sweeney, bro? She's not going to the prom with you, man. I wish she would, but she's really not.
- Dave: What are you talking about? Robyn Sweeney is mine. She's become a major babe, and she loves me.
- Stoney: She finds you crusty, Dave.
- Dave: I'll convince her! She'll see the truth.
- Stoney: The truth is bro, life's about greasing the 'do back, buddy, and wheezin' on the buff-fest, man. High school was interesting, alright? It was kinda like a harsh ride. Ah, ah...
- Stoney: [howls twice]
- Stoney: We're going on to bigger and better things, buddy!
- Dave: Stoney, I am on to bigger and better things!
- Dave: Matt Wilson? I mean, what a jerk! What does she see in him, anyway?
- Stoney: Well, he's got the buff spikes chillin' on top of his melon, obviously, right?, - dude, he's checking her cheeks! oh oh! - he's got the serious beak, and his own personal holding company full of fundage, bro, that he weases off of ma... ma...
- Dave: [finishing the phrase] ... jor.
- Stoney: 18-inch bi's - mine are only 4...
- Dave: ...besides that.
- Stoney: He walks like this, right?.
- [struts in a manly fashion]
- Stoney: Just like this, right? The nugs fully loose.
- Matt Wilson: [after Matt and his goons have Dave hanging from a bulletin board at school] Robyn wouldn't piss on your gums if your teeth were on fire.
- Dave: [helplessly] Yes, she would.
- Matt Wilson: [he and his goons laugh] SHOOOOOOSH! Hush, please! Showing your ignorance again, Morgan! Some of us pump...
- [the goons fist bump each other]
- Matt Wilson: and some of us slump. You should try some pump, Morgan. It might clear up your acne.
- Dave: [Matt begins to write on Dave's forehead with a magic marker] N-no. Stop... stop it!
- Matt Wilson: [Matt's goons laugh as he continues] Why do you make me do this?
- Dave: What're you writing? Hey! What did you write!
- Dave: [Matt finishes writing "EAT ME" and taps Dave's forehead hard with the marker... he walks to the fire alarm and pulls it] Matt... NOT THE FIRE ALARM! MATT! MATT!
- Dave: Stop! Stop, where did you go? You just took off after school. Do you know how worried I've been?
- Stoney: God, Dave, you sound like my Mom.
- Dave: God, you can't do that to me.
- [looking more closely at Link]
- Dave: What's on his Nose?
- Stoney: Ya know what, Dave, just Chill, 'cause you know why? Link and I had a Stoney time at the Mountain.
- Dave: You took him to Mega Mountain? Are you crazy?
- Stoney: Yeah, 'cause they're ridin' The Vapor in reverse.
- Dave: They are?
- Stoney: Unh-huh!
- Dave: Oh, cool!
- Link: Check out Fresh Nugs, wheezin' the juice...
- Stoney, Link: [howling together] Oooooooowwwwww! Bud-dy!
- Dave, and Stoney: [after Link enters the Drivers seat of the Student Driver Car] Oh God, Rad Mobile!
- Stoney: Today, buddy, we're gonna discuss grindage. How to fill the furnace, pack the cheeks, and stuff the gills. Okay? You're probably used to eatin' twigs, right?
- [Link grabs a banana]
- Stoney: But out here in the US of A-age, buddy, we got somethin' called the Four Basic Food Groups.
- [Stoney seizes the banana]
- Stoney: And, Link, this is not one of them.
- [walks Link to the candy section]
- Stoney: Look at what we have here: dairy group. Milk Duds. You hide these under your pillow, bro, so your mom doesn't find them. If she does, you're tweaked, buddy. OK, keep on cruisin'. Fruit group. SweeTARTS. These are killer, buddy. So citrusy, dude, you'll freak. Keep on cruisin'. Hi, this is the vegetable group. *Vegetable* group. Corn Nuts. Oh, put 'em on a pedestal, bro. Look at that, yeah. Those are kill, huh?
- [microwave rings]
- Stoney: Meat group! Come on, check the meat group!
- [retrieves burrito from microwave]
- Stoney: These are my favorite!
- [Link grabs the burrito from Stoney]
- Stoney: Hey! Don't-- you gotta be equal! Equals. Fifty-fifty. Here.
- [tears burrito in half; both take a bite and then spit out in disgust]
- Stoney: Ew! Figures: hot on the outside, icicle in the middle.
- Matt Wilson: [Matt bursts in at the prom just as Link is about to be crowned prom king] WAIT!
- [shoves through the crowd towards the stage]
- Matt Wilson: WAIT!
- [he shoves Link back]
- Student Announcing Prom King: What're you trying to do, Matt? Come on, stop it!
- [Matt takes the crown from him and shoves him back as well]
- Matt Wilson: [takes microphone] This is our school, right?
- [students murmur in affirmation]
- Matt Wilson: And we have a right to know if something is bogus that's going down in our school, right?
- [the murmurs continue, he points to Link]
- Matt Wilson: And someone right here has taken you for a ride!
- [Link grabs Matt's finger, Matt yanks it away]
- Matt Wilson: His name isn't Linkavitch Chumovsky and he's not from Estonia.
- Robyn Sweeney: Matt, will you just stop this already!
- Matt Wilson: [to Robyn] SHOOOOOOOSH! Trust me.
- [back to the crowd]
- Matt Wilson: They've all been lying to us! But I found out... I know the truth. Do you want to know the truth?
- [students shout affirmatively]
- Matt Wilson: Do YOU want to know what he REALLY IS?
- [students shout affirmitavely again]
- Matt Wilson: He's a caveman.
- [Link nods and walks forward, smiling... students cheer for him, Matt stares at the crowd in disbelief]
- Matt Wilson: No... NO! Look... he's a freak! I got pictures!
- Dave: [Dave and Stoney burst in and rush to the stage, Dave tries to take the pictures from Matt, the cheers continue] NO!
- Matt Wilson: [waving pictures] SEE?
- Dave: Let me see them! Give me those pictures! Matt give me those!
- Matt Wilson: [punches Dave] No!
- Robyn Sweeney: Dave!
- Link: [calling out to Matt, who's pummeling Dave at the hockey rink] Wheeze the juice!
- Matt Wilson: [Matt stops and turns to Link] HEY! You wanna a piece of me?
- Matt Wilson: [Matt skates up to Link] I don't know you, I don't like you. As of now, I'm all over you.
- [Matt punches Link in the face]
- Matt Wilson: [after Matt has punched Dave at the prom, knocking him into the crowd, Link bows 'Karate Kid' style before him... Matt is clearly off-guard] What are you doing, fag?
- Matt Wilson: [Link head-butts Matt and picks him up in a fireman-style carry, spins him around and throws him towards the crowd, Matt lands in the prom cake] Hey! Heeeeyyy! No, no, NO!
- [crowd cheers for Link]
- Stoney: David please do me a favor and stress less bro face high school is over and face it were losers.
Contribute to this page
Suggest an edit or add missing content
