Sean Astin credited as playing...
Dave Morgan
- Dave: The only thing you have ever cared about was nugs, chillin' and grindage.
- Stoney: Yeah? Well, I happen to care right now!
- Dave: THAT'S convenient. You came along for the ride, and you let ME do the dirty work... 'cause you thought it might work out to your advantage.
- Stoney: [as Dave walks off] Those are desperate words of a LOSER. Maybe Matt Wilson was right about you all along.
- Dave: [turning to face him] Take that back, Stoney.
- Stoney: No, YOU take that back!
- Dave: [shoves Stoney] TAKE IT BACK!
- [they start fighting, Dave takes Stoney to the ground]
- Stoney: You're a loser.
- Link: [as he separates them] FAMILY!
- Dave: [Link restrains Dave] All right! I'm sorry.
- Link: Family.
- Stoney: Um, Robyn Sweeney, bro? She's not going to the prom with you, man. I wish she would, but she's really not.
- Dave: What are you talking about? Robyn Sweeney is mine. She's become a major babe, and she loves me.
- Stoney: She finds you crusty, Dave.
- Dave: I'll convince her! She'll see the truth.
- Stoney: The truth is bro, life's about greasing the 'do back, buddy, and wheezin' on the buff-fest, man. High school was interesting, alright? It was kinda like a harsh ride. Ah, ah...
- Stoney: [howls twice]
- Stoney: We're going on to bigger and better things, buddy!
- Dave: Stoney, I am on to bigger and better things!
- Dave: Matt Wilson? I mean, what a jerk! What does she see in him, anyway?
- Stoney: Well, he's got the buff spikes chillin' on top of his melon, obviously, right?, - dude, he's checking her cheeks! oh oh! - he's got the serious beak, and his own personal holding company full of fundage, bro, that he weases off of ma... ma...
- Dave: [finishing the phrase] ... jor.
- Stoney: 18-inch bi's - mine are only 4...
- Dave: ...besides that.
- Stoney: He walks like this, right?.
- [struts in a manly fashion]
- Stoney: Just like this, right? The nugs fully loose.
- Matt Wilson: [after Matt and his goons have Dave hanging from a bulletin board at school] Robyn wouldn't piss on your gums if your teeth were on fire.
- Dave: [helplessly] Yes, she would.
- Matt Wilson: [he and his goons laugh] SHOOOOOOSH! Hush, please! Showing your ignorance again, Morgan! Some of us pump...
- [the goons fist bump each other]
- Matt Wilson: and some of us slump. You should try some pump, Morgan. It might clear up your acne.
- Dave: [Matt begins to write on Dave's forehead with a magic marker] N-no. Stop... stop it!
- Matt Wilson: [Matt's goons laugh as he continues] Why do you make me do this?
- Dave: What're you writing? Hey! What did you write!
- Dave: [Matt finishes writing "EAT ME" and taps Dave's forehead hard with the marker... he walks to the fire alarm and pulls it] Matt... NOT THE FIRE ALARM! MATT! MATT!
- Dave: Stop! Stop, where did you go? You just took off after school. Do you know how worried I've been?
- Stoney: God, Dave, you sound like my Mom.
- Dave: God, you can't do that to me.
- [looking more closely at Link]
- Dave: What's on his Nose?
- Stoney: Ya know what, Dave, just Chill, 'cause you know why? Link and I had a Stoney time at the Mountain.
- Dave: You took him to Mega Mountain? Are you crazy?
- Stoney: Yeah, 'cause they're ridin' The Vapor in reverse.
- Dave: They are?
- Stoney: Unh-huh!
- Dave: Oh, cool!
- Link: Check out Fresh Nugs, wheezin' the juice...
- Stoney, Link: [howling together] Oooooooowwwwww! Bud-dy!
- Matt Wilson: [Matt bursts in at the prom just as Link is about to be crowned prom king] WAIT!
- [shoves through the crowd towards the stage]
- Matt Wilson: WAIT!
- [he shoves Link back]
- Student Announcing Prom King: What're you trying to do, Matt? Come on, stop it!
- [Matt takes the crown from him and shoves him back as well]
- Matt Wilson: [takes microphone] This is our school, right?
- [students murmur in affirmation]
- Matt Wilson: And we have a right to know if something is bogus that's going down in our school, right?
- [the murmurs continue, he points to Link]
- Matt Wilson: And someone right here has taken you for a ride!
- [Link grabs Matt's finger, Matt yanks it away]
- Matt Wilson: His name isn't Linkavitch Chumovsky and he's not from Estonia.
- Robyn Sweeney: Matt, will you just stop this already!
- Matt Wilson: [to Robyn] SHOOOOOOOSH! Trust me.
- [back to the crowd]
- Matt Wilson: They've all been lying to us! But I found out... I know the truth. Do you want to know the truth?
- [students shout affirmatively]
- Matt Wilson: Do YOU want to know what he REALLY IS?
- [students shout affirmitavely again]
- Matt Wilson: He's a caveman.
- [Link nods and walks forward, smiling... students cheer for him, Matt stares at the crowd in disbelief]
- Matt Wilson: No... NO! Look... he's a freak! I got pictures!
- Dave: [Dave and Stoney burst in and rush to the stage, Dave tries to take the pictures from Matt, the cheers continue] NO!
- Matt Wilson: [waving pictures] SEE?
- Dave: Let me see them! Give me those pictures! Matt give me those!
- Matt Wilson: [punches Dave] No!
- Robyn Sweeney: Dave!