Encino Man (1992)
Sean Astin: Dave Morgan
Photos
Quotes
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Dave : The only thing you have ever cared about was nugs, chillin' and grindage.
Stoney : Yeah? Well, I happen to care right now!
Dave : THAT'S convenient. You came along for the ride, and you let ME do the dirty work... 'cause you thought it might work out to your advantage.
Stoney : [as Dave walks off] Those are desperate words of a LOSER. Maybe Matt Wilson was right about you all along.
Dave : [turning to face him] Take that back, Stoney.
Stoney : No, YOU take that back!
Dave : [shoves Stoney] TAKE IT BACK!
[they start fighting, Dave takes Stoney to the ground]
Stoney : You're a loser.
Link : [as he separates them] FAMILY!
Dave : [Link restrains Dave] All right! I'm sorry.
Link : Family.
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Stoney : Um, Robyn Sweeney, bro? She's not going to the prom with you, man. I wish she would, but she's really not.
Dave : What are you talking about? Robyn Sweeney is mine. She's become a major babe, and she loves me.
Stoney : She finds you crusty, Dave.
Dave : I'll convince her! She'll see the truth.
Stoney : The truth is bro, life's about greasing the 'do back, buddy, and wheezin' on the buff-fest, man. High school was interesting, alright? It was kinda like a harsh ride. Ah, ah...
Stoney : [howls twice]
Stoney : We're going on to bigger and better things, buddy!
Dave : Stoney, I am on to bigger and better things!
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Dave : Matt Wilson? I mean, what a jerk! What does she see in him, anyway?
Stoney : Well, he's got the buff spikes chillin' on top of his melon, obviously, right?, - dude, he's checking her cheeks! oh oh! - he's got the serious beak, and his own personal holding company full of fundage, bro, that he weases off of ma... ma...
Dave : [finishing the phrase] ... jor.
Stoney : 18-inch bi's - mine are only 4...
Dave : ...besides that.
Stoney : He walks like this, right?.
[struts in a manly fashion]
Stoney : Just like this, right? The nugs fully loose.
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Matt Wilson : [after Matt and his goons have Dave hanging from a bulletin board at school] Robyn wouldn't piss on your gums if your teeth were on fire.
Dave : [helplessly] Yes, she would.
Matt Wilson : [he and his goons laugh] SHOOOOOOSH! Hush, please! Showing your ignorance again, Morgan! Some of us pump...
[the goons fist bump each other]
Matt Wilson : and some of us slump. You should try some pump, Morgan. It might clear up your acne.
Dave : [Matt begins to write on Dave's forehead with a magic marker] N-no. Stop... stop it!
Matt Wilson : [Matt's goons laugh as he continues] Why do you make me do this?
Dave : What're you writing? Hey! What did you write!
Dave : [Matt finishes writing "EAT ME" and taps Dave's forehead hard with the marker... he walks to the fire alarm and pulls it] Matt... NOT THE FIRE ALARM! MATT! MATT!
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Dave : Stop! Stop, where did you go? You just took off after school. Do you know how worried I've been?
Stoney : God, Dave, you sound like my Mom.
Dave : God, you can't do that to me.
[looking more closely at Link]
Dave : What's on his Nose?
Stoney : Ya know what, Dave, just Chill, 'cause you know why? Link and I had a Stoney time at the Mountain.
Dave : You took him to Mega Mountain? Are you crazy?
Stoney : Yeah, 'cause they're ridin' The Vapor in reverse.
Dave : They are?
Stoney : Unh-huh!
Dave : Oh, cool!
Link : Check out Fresh Nugs, wheezin' the juice...
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Matt Wilson : [Matt bursts in at the prom just as Link is about to be crowned prom king] WAIT!
[shoves through the crowd towards the stage]
Matt Wilson : WAIT!
[he shoves Link back]
Student Announcing Prom King : What're you trying to do, Matt? Come on, stop it!
[Matt takes the crown from him and shoves him back as well]
Matt Wilson : [takes microphone] This is our school, right?
[students murmur in affirmation]
Matt Wilson : And we have a right to know if something is bogus that's going down in our school, right?
[the murmurs continue, he points to Link]
Matt Wilson : And someone right here has taken you for a ride!
[Link grabs Matt's finger, Matt yanks it away]
Matt Wilson : His name isn't Linkavitch Chumovsky and he's not from Estonia.
Robyn Sweeney : Matt, will you just stop this already!
Matt Wilson : [to Robyn] SHOOOOOOOSH! Trust me.
[back to the crowd]
Matt Wilson : They've all been lying to us! But I found out... I know the truth. Do you want to know the truth?
[students shout affirmatively]
Matt Wilson : Do YOU want to know what he REALLY IS?
[students shout affirmitavely again]
Matt Wilson : He's a caveman.
[Link nods and walks forward, smiling... students cheer for him, Matt stares at the crowd in disbelief]
Matt Wilson : No... NO! Look... he's a freak! I got pictures!
Dave : [Dave and Stoney burst in and rush to the stage, Dave tries to take the pictures from Matt, the cheers continue] NO!
Matt Wilson : [waving pictures] SEE?
Dave : Let me see them! Give me those pictures! Matt give me those!
Matt Wilson : [punches Dave] No!
Robyn Sweeney : Dave!