Kurt Russell: Captain Ron

Captain Ron

Captain Ron

[as Ben, who's 12, moves Captain Ron's beer]
Captain Ron: Hey. Get your hands off that.
Benjamin Harvey: I was just moving it. I wasn't gonna drink it.
Captain Ron: You bet your little booty, you wasn't. You want a beer, you get your own beer.

Caroline Harvey: Captain Ron, I was wondering. Are we going to be going to any more "human" type places?
Captain Ron: Well, you heard of St. Croix?
Caroline Harvey: Yeah.
Captain Ron: We're going to the island just to the left of it.
Caroline Harvey: What's it called?
Captain Ron: Ted's.

Captain Ron: Alright, that's more like it, now you're talking! You can do it, mates! I've never seen such sailors. Not in all my born days, I ain't. Naturals! My God, everyone of you, naturals...
[beat; to himself]
Captain Ron: We're gonna fucking die!

Captain Ron: [telling how he lost his eye] Yeah, it happened when I went down off the coast of Australia.
Katherine Harvey: Your boat sank?
Captain Ron: No, no, no, no. Not my boat. My boss's boat. Yeah, we hit this reef. Huge son-of-a-bitch. Ran the whole coast.
Katherine Harvey: Wait. The Great Barrier Reef?
Captain Ron: You've heard of it, huh? Smart lady.

[Lost in a heavy storm]
Captain Ron: The boss is right. We should be okay. 'Cause I know we're near land.
Martin Harvey: Great, Cap. Great. Ya hear that? We're almost there. Explain to the kids how you know that, Captain Ron. Someone translate for General Armando.
Captain Ron: Alright, now stay with me: When we left, we had just enough fuel to make it to San Juan. And now... we are out of fuel!

Captain Ron: Hey! Uh, leg feels a lot better now, boss. I always been a fast healer, you know. 'Course I believe in Jesus, so that helps.

Captain Ron: Hey, you wouldn't be trying to cheat Captain Ron there, would you, swab?
Benjamin Harvey: Uh, no sir. Uh, so what happened?
Captain Ron: Ah, nothing. They were just playing hide-the-salami in the shower
Captain Ron: [Ben spits his beer up] Oh, come on, man!

Martin Harvey: [stressing to his family that they need to learn all the things about seamanship that Capt. Ron is trying to drill into them] You gotta' learn the basics.
Captain Ron: And, you gotta' be prepared.
Martin Harvey: That's right...
Captain Ron: I'm not talkin' Boy Scout prepared, I mean *big-time* prepared.
Martin Harvey: [downplaying it] Well, prepared for any kind of *normal* accident...
Captain Ron: This is the Caribbean, guys. "El Caribe." The Spanish Main. The land of hoo-doo and voodoo and all kinda' weird shit.
Benjamin Harvey: Whoa!

Captain Ron: [to Ben] Hey swab. C'mere. Listen up. Now, the way it works shipboard is, you do your job. You do it good, you get a better job. Maybe you get promoted from swab to mate.
[Ben nods]
Captain Ron: Alright. Get on it.
Captain Ron: [to Martin] Sort've an incentive kind of a deal, huh?
Martin Harvey: Ah. Good.
Captain Ron: Yeah, incentives are important. I learned that in rehab.

Captain Ron: [after losing his glass eye] It never did fit anyway. Guess you gotta get 'em custom made.

Martin Harvey: Slow down! There's boats all over the place!
Captain Ron: Don't worry. They'll get out of the way. I learned that driving the Saratoga.

[being chased by pirates]
Benjamin Harvey: All right! They're pirates of the Caribbean, just like you said Captain Ron.
Captain Ron: Yeah, squirt. Pirates are easy to deal with. It's the Cuban cops that you gotta worry about. Grand theft auto is a major biggie here in Cuba.
Martin Harvey: Grand theft auto? You stole this car?
Captain Ron: Nah, I didn't steal it, boss. I borrowed it. Sort of...

Captain Ron: [Captain Ron and Benjamin are playing Monopoly for money] Three houses, 375! That's 37 cents.
Benjamin Harvey: Well that's... half the money I have left.
Captain Ron: Yeah, shit happens. Cough it up.

Captain Ron: The leg feel's lot better now, Boss. I always been a fast healer. Ya know, 'course I believe in Jesus, so that helps.

Martin Harvey: [Walks down to the Ship's Cabin] What's this?
Caroline Harvey: Monopoly.
Martin Harvey: No, this.
[Holding a handgun]
Benjamin Harvey: Two .45's and a Mac-10.
Caroline Harvey: It's this total macho trip, Dad, just ignore it.
Martin Harvey: Where'd they come from?
Benjamin Harvey: Captain Ron traded the Guerrillas for 'em.
Captain Ron: Yeah, I thought we'd ought to have them, Boss. Cause, you know, we're gettin' into pirate waters, here, pretty quick.
Martin Harvey: What pirates?
Captain Ron: Pirates, of the Caribbean.
Martin Harvey: Been to Disney World, one too many times? Have we, Captain Ron?
Benjamin Harvey: It's true, Dad! They come up on you in high speed boats!
Captain Ron: You know, I don't believe I've been to Disney World...
[Interrupted by Martin Harvey]
Captain Ron: I've been to DollyWood.