Not Without My Daughter

While I was re-watching bits of this movie a few weeks ago, I read the user comments here at IMDb and was very disturbed. Since it is still bothering me, I decided to write my own comments on the movie and on what has been said here.

First, the movie. It is about an international custody battle. That is a very real problem in this day and age. When couples from different countries break up they often each want the children to live with them and grow up in the country (and culture) in which they were raised. Each naturally thinks the way he or she was raised is better for their children.

This movie is Betty Mahmoody's story. And the culture clash is between the United States and Iran. It takes place in 1984. The Ayatollah Khomeini was still very much the leader Iran and the Iran-Iraq war had been going on for 4 years and would continue for another 4. Iran was quite isolated from much of the world at that time.

And 'Moody' Mahmoody, an Iranian-born doctor practicing in the U.S., brings his American wife, Betty, and their daughter, Mahtob, to Iran for a visit. When they arrive, Moody is dismayed at the changes in Iran, especially the breakdown of the education system and the resulting shortage of doctors. Then he becomes an ultra, ultra fundamentalist Muslim – so reactionary he makes suicide bombers look moderate. He demands that Betty dress and behave how he thinks a good Muslim wife should and wants their daughter to be raised to do the same. He becomes physically abusive to Betty. If she wants to return to America, it is fine with him, but Mahtob will remain with him in Iran. So Betty plans a dangerous escape for herself and her daughter.

Does the movie work? Somewhat. 'Women in peril' movies are always a guilty pleasure and Sally Field is a good actress. The biggest problem is with Moody's character. Alfred Molina is a wonderful actor, but it's hard to do much with a character that undergoes such a radical change in his basic character in a matter of weeks. I kept expecting to learn that he had once been diagnosed as psychotic or schizophrenic.

Is the movie unfair to the Iranian people? Again, somewhat. Virtually all the characters in the movie except Betty and Mahtob are Iranian. Some are good. Some are bad. But you can't have a 'woman in peril' with no peril. And that is provided by Moody and his family. But the people who help Betty escape are also Iranian. What unfairness there is lies not in maligning the Iranian people (it doesn't do that) but in implying (and sometimes saying explicitly) that the Iranian culture is inferior just because it is not westernized. As a free American woman I would not want to live in any fundamentalist society, regardless of which religion was in control. But post-revolution Iran is no more representative of thousands of years of Persian culture than Italy under Mussolini was representative of a land that produced the Roman Empire and Michelangelo.

Is the movie unfair to Moody? No, because this is BETTY's story. Talk to anyone in a bitter custody battle and they'll tell you all about why their ex is evil. And they wouldn't be lying. They are giving you their point of view. That doesn't mean Moody doesn't have a different point of view which is equally true and equally untrue (and which, I gather from the comments, was explored in another movie.) But 'Not Without My Daughter' doesn't pretend to be a sociological examination into the two sides of a dispute. Let me repeat for the third time, this is BETTY's story.

That brings me to why some of the comments disturb me so much. I would fully understand if some viewers thought the movie was silly or inaccurate or biased. But several writers have used their reviews as an excuse to joyfully bash the United States. My favorite was 'Who died and made Americans god to do movies about other countries??' That writer is from Sweden but doesn't seem to have a problem with Jan Troell making 'The New Land' (Nybyggarna) about America. And, were we to listen to her, we wouldn't have 'An American in Paris' or 'The Killing Fields' or 'Out of Africa' or 'Amadeus' (all of which are much better films than 'Not Without My Daughter.') But in the United States we have freedom of speech. That means that movie producers are free to make any movie to which they think they can sell tickets. And, as a member of the viewing public, when I disagree with what they are saying I have a very simple remedy. I don't buy a ticket.

This movie may not win in terms of geographical accuracy or cinematography. However, the woman depicted in the movie is based on the real Betty and she is the writer of the screenplay.

I know many things about many different countries, which seems to be odd for an American. I have read many books about Islam, and ultimately I think that it is most often a religion associated with violence, especially against women. I understand that there are many modern, peaceful people who practice Islam, and I am of the opinion that they have adapted an ancient, oppressive creed to their modern progressive values in order to reclaim it for peace.

To anyone who thinks the husband is irrational, or unrealistic, understand that this movie is based on ACTUAL events, not fiction. I know as a woman, that there is no way I could ever safely travel through Iran, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, and many other places regardless of it being 2010. I feel it is sick and sad that these women are covered because the men in those places have not learned to control themselves.

I interact with many international students within my TESL program, and the only people who prefer to not speak with me or acknowledge my statements in a classroom have been Muslim men.

Culture is one thing, and trying to kill Ayaan Hirsi Ali, a dutch parliament member originally from Somalia, for making a film about exactly which parts of the Qur'an oppress women is another. Sadly, Islamic extremists did manage to kill her director, Theo Van Gogh, while he was bicycling in Amsterdam (not an Islamic country). I am proud of France for standing up for equality and banning womens' head scarfs in Governmental buildings because they represent the inequality of men and women which goes against their republic.

I just wish I could convince my public college to stop building prayer rooms and foot washing facilities for Muslim students using student fees. No religion should be getting state money for any educational facilities, and yet in Minnesota there is a charter school next to a mosque that is suing the state for not handing over funds because they violate state law regarding religion in schools (google Muslim school in MN gets state funding). They, of course, are not the only religion trying to get into schools. Many Christians would like to see their religion in schools again as well.

I have been following stories of Islamic oppression of women for many years with my mother. While I understand that there are MANY, NON-VIOLENT, MODERN Muslim people, there are still many cases of abuse against women and children by Islamic men across the world. There have also been many cases of Islamic extremists destroying artistic works, literatures, and other cultural artifacts that are not of their culture. This is fundamentally wrong in my opinion, as it was for death metal groups to burn down 13th century Christian churches in Sweden, (google Swedish church fire). These types of art and structures hold value to ALL MANKIND not just the people that made them. This is human history being destroyed!

I myself am of the opinion that MOST major organized religions oppress women, especially Catholicism, Lutheranism and various sects of Christianity in America. Buddhism didn't allow women to practice for a long time. I do believe that Islam may be the most oppressive religion to women overall.

In light of more recent works like Persepolis, this movie is not unrealistic, despite being tacky and poorly filmed. In Persepolis, the parents are very liberal and modern. The writer of those graphic novels lives in France despite having very liberal parents, and that says everything.

Its only a movie!!! Relax with all the serious comments about the movie trying to put down Iranians. Personally I thought this movie was a great drama. Living in Iran is nothing like living in the USA. Imagine being used to all the freedoms you enjoy in the US and suddenly find yourself in Iran.

Here you are in Iran. Strange place, strange people, restricted freedoms. Okay I can handle this for a few days I guess. Then you are told we are never going back home. Woe!!!!!!!!! Talk about a sudden feeling of fear and anger. Sally did a great job of putting you in the driver seat, right with her. All I could do was root for her to get her daughter and get the hell out of that place.

As for the comments about the mother being selfish and not respecting his wishes. She agreed to go visit his family, and he lies to her tricking her into staying.

I agree this would have been a good Lifetime drama, but not a bad movie at all. I give it an 8 out of 10.

This is the truth about Iran back in that time period.

Then when the evil Ayatollah finally died and went to hell where he is dancing with Hitler things started to change for the better, But then Hitler 3 took over Iran and it's sliding backwards.

There's a reason everyone with any brain wants to get out of there.

The reason there were so few doctors was every educated person left that country.

And if Mahtob had stayed there she would have had female circumcision by age 7 and married by age 10.

The movie told Betty's side of the story.

Part of me wants to believe that her husband was as trapped as she was at least at first. Knowing if they tried to leave they would all be killed. Because killing is an Iranian hobby during that time especially.

But no father who loves their daughter would ever subject them to that culture.

In most of the middle east women have no rights. Rape is legal for the rapist but the victim gets stoned.

Girls aren't educated or if they are they are taught to be good wives, submit to being raped by their husbands and that they are not worthy.

This was on the Bravo Channel one night. The commercial looked quite appealing, and I figured I'd check it out. Mind you, my cup of tea is horror (check my review list) but I'm open to anything.

And boy, was I surprised.

First, I'll start with the plot. Betty, an American, and her husband Moody, an Iranian, live with their daughter Mahtob in America. One day, Moody overhears two fellow doctors at the hospital he works out making racial comments about him. He quits, and proposes to Betty that they take Mahtob and go to Iran for a two-week vacation. Hesitant and scared, Betty agrees.

And that's only the beginning. The life in Iran is harsh and Betty is constantly forced to be wary of her surroundings. But the real nightmare begins when she realizes that Moody doesn't want to go back to America, and she herself is trapped in Iran, and has to save herself and her daughter.

This movie is enthralling. Sally Field plays the role perfectly, and her character is someone you can't help but identify with. The helplessness of her situation is overwhelming, but to watch her struggle for an escape from her abusive husband (abusive in anger because she is trying to leave) and the rough conditions of a foreign country is even more overwhelming. Some of the scenes are amazing. When Betty's nightmare first begins, and she's begging for help from Moody's family, and they're all yelling at her in Iranian as she screams, "God Damn you all!" to them is one of the most intense of the whole film. And the ending is great. Not what you would expect. Well, it's not like something shocking, it's just subtle. But it will definitely give you so much pride to be an American, and you'll feel some comfort in being in this free country. All in all, I definitely recommend this movie. For anyone. You will be amazed. I was.