Robin Williams credited as playing...
Peter Banning • Peter Pan
- [last lines]
- Granny Wendy: So... your adventures are over.
- Peter Banning: Oh, no. To live... to live would be an awfully big adventure.
- Captain James Hook: Prepare to die, Peter!
- Peter Banning: To die would be a grand adventure!
- Captain James Hook: Death is the only adventure you have left!
- Peter Banning: [sees Tinkerbell on the Peter Pan statue] Tink!
- Tinkerbell: Say it, Peter. Say it and mean it.
- Peter Banning: I believe in fairies.
- Tinkerbell: You know that place between sleep and awake? That place where you still remember dreaming?
- [Peter nods]
- Tinkerbell: That's where I'll always love you... Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting.
- Rufio: Boil-dripping beef, fart-sniffing bubble butt!
- Kids: Bangarang, Rufio!
- Peter Banning: Someone has a severe ca-ca mouth, you know that?
- Rufio: You are fart factory, slug-slimed, sack-of-rat-guts-in-cat-vomit, cheesy, scab-picked, pimple-squeezing finger bandage. A week old maggot burger with everything on it and flies on the side!
- Kids: [in unison] Ugh!
- Peter Banning: Substitute chemistry teacher.
- Lost Boy: Come on, Rufio, hit him back.
- Rufio: Mung tongue.
- Peter Banning: Math tutor.
- Rufio: Pinhead.
- Peter Banning: Prison barber.
- Rufio: Mother lover.
- Peter Banning: Nearsighted gynecologist.
- Rufio: In your face, camel cake!
- Peter Banning: In your rear, cow derrière.
- Rufio: Lying, crying, spying, prying ultra-pig.
- Peter Banning: You lewd, crude, rude, bag of pre-chewed food dude.
- Thud Butt: [with the rest of the Lost Boys] Bangarang, Peter!
- Rufio: You... you man! Stupid, stupid man!
- Peter Banning: Rufio, if I'm a maggot burger why don't you just EAT ME! You two-toned zebra-headed, slime-coated, pimple-farmin' paramecium brain, munchin' on your own mucus, suffering from Peter Pan envy!
- Don't Ask: What's a paramecium brain?
- Peter Banning: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT A PARAMECIUM IS! *That's* a paramecium! It's a one-celled critter with no brain that can't fly! Don't mess with me, man. I'm a lawyer!
- Kids: [chanting] Banning, Banning, Banning is bangerang.
- Rufio: Rufio! Rufio!
- Peter Banning: Oh, Rufio, why don't you just go suck on a dead dog's nose?
- Moira Banning: [after throwing Peter's phone out the window] I'm sorry about your deal.
- Peter Banning: You hated the deal.
- Moira Banning: I hated the deal. But I'm sorry you feel so badly about it. Your children love you. They want to play with you. How long do you think that lasts? Soon Jack may not even want you to come to his games. We have a few special years with our children, when they're the ones that want us around. After that, you're going to be running after them for a bit of attention. It's so fast, Peter. It's a few years, then it's over. And you are not being careful. And you are missing it.
- Toodles: [Searching for something on the floor] Lost, lost, lost.
- Peter Banning: Lost what?
- Toodles: I've lost my marbles.
- Peter Banning: [to Rufio, who pulls a sword at him] Okay, mister. All right, show's over. Now, you put that thing away! Now, put it down before you poke somebody's eye out.
- [the Lost Boys all laugh]
- Peter Banning: You're not old enough to shave! What are you doing with a sword? And flying around... this is an insurance nightmare! What is this, some sort of "Lord of the Flies" preschool? Where are your parents? Who's in charge here?
- [the Lost Boys all point to Rufio, who bows]
- Peter Banning: No! No, Mr. Skunkhead with too much mousse. You are just a punk kid. I want to speak to a grown-up!
- Rufio: All grown-ups are pirates!
- Peter Banning: Excuse me?
- Rufio: [smiles] We kill pirates.
- Peter Banning: I'm not a pirate. It so happens I am a lawyer.
- Rufio: Kill the lawyer!
- Lost Boys: [drawing their weapons] Kill the lawyer!
- Peter Banning: [backs away nervously] I'm not that kind of lawyer.
- Tinkerbell: Well, whoever you are it's still you, 'cause only one person has that smell.
- Peter Banning: Smell?
- Tinkerbell: The smell of someone who has ridden the back of the wind, Peter. The smell of a hundred fun summers, with sleeping in trees and adventures with Indians and Pirates. Oh remember, Peter? The world was ours. We could do everything or nothing. All it had to be was anything 'cause it was always us.
- Peter Banning: What's the deal? Where's the real food?
- Tinkerbell: If you can't imagine yourself being Peter Pan, you won't *be* Peter Pan, so eat up.
- Peter Banning: Eat what? There's nothing here. Gandhi ate more than this.
- Tinkerbell: All right, now, who am I?
- Peter Banning: You're a - you're a complex Freudian hallucination having something to do with my mother and I don't know why you have wings, but you have very lovely legs and you're a very nice tiny person and what am I saying, I don't know who my mother was; I'm an orphan and I've never taken drugs because I missed the sixties, I was an accountant.
- Tinkerbell: Guess again.
- [Tinkerbell pulls on the floor rug and makes Peter fall down, flat on his back, on a sheet on the floor]
- Peter Banning: [disoriented] Oh, look, stars.
- Tinkerbell: That's right, Peter, second star to the right and straight on till morning.
- [Tinkerbell flies off with Peter folded into a sheet]
- Tinkerbell: Neverland!
- Peter Banning: Mr. Hook, I want those kids out of that net in less than one minute, and you better get an attorney and hope to God he's better than me.
- Captain Hook: Who are you?
- Peter Banning: I'm Peter Banning, Attorney at Law, these are my children and I want them back.
- Captain Hook: Those are your...
- Peter Banning: Children.
- Captain Hook: These are your children.
- Peter Banning: Yes, they are.
- Captain Hook: And you're?
- Peter Banning: Peter.
- Captain Hook: You're Peter?
- Peter Banning: Yes.
- Captain Hook: You're Peter?
- Peter Banning: Yes!
- Captain Hook: No.
- Peter Banning: Yes.
- Captain Hook: You're Peter?
- Peter Banning: Yes. Is there an echo in here? Yes.
- Captain Hook: My great and worthy opponent?
- Peter Banning: Yes!
- Captain Hook: No! Smee, who is this impostor?
- [Peter recalls a memory from his childhood]
- Wendy Darling: Peter, I can't come with you. I've forgotten how to fly. I'm old, Peter. Ever so much more than twenty. I grew up a long time ago.
- Young Peter Pan: No, no, no! You promised!
- Wendy Darling: I have children of my own now. They have children of their own. That's my grandchild, Moira, asleep in the bed.
- Peter Banning: [voiceover] When I saw her lying there sleeping, that moment, something changed in me forever.
- Young Peter Pan: I shall give her a kiss.
- [takes out a thimble]
- Wendy Darling: No. No, Peter. No buttons. No thimbles. I couldn't bear to see Moira's heart to be broken when she finds she can't keep you.
- Young Peter Pan: No. I mean a real kiss.
- Thud Butt: Peter, can I talk to you?
- Peter Pan: Sure, Thud.
- Thud Butt: I remember Tootles.
- Peter Pan: You do?
- Thud Butt: He was lost too.
- Peter Pan: How could you know Tootles?
- Thud Butt: He was a Lost Boy.
- [Thud Butt takes out a small pouch]
- Thud Butt: These are his marbles. These are his happy thoughts.
- [Peter empties out the pouch of marbles into his hand and laughs]
- Peter Pan: He really did lose his marbles, didn't he?
- Thud Butt: [laughs] Yeah, he lost 'em good.
- [they both laugh]
- Thud Butt: Peter, you know what?
- Peter Pan: What?
- Thud Butt: My happy thought will help you.
- Peter Pan: What's your happy thought, Thud?
- Thud Butt: Mine's my mother. Do you remember your mother, Peter?
- Peter Pan: Wish I could.