- Pinhead-lookalike: I don't know about you, but this hurts!
- Dexter Ward: Byron, why are you doing this?
- Lord Byron Orlock: Because I'm evil. Haven't you figured that out?
- Victor Von Helsing: And it is a commonly held misconception that the undead can transform themselves into bats. Pure nonsense. True, they can change into frogs, flounders, aardvarks, pelicans, baboons and warthogs but never bats.
- Uncle Ephram: *Laying in casket* What am I doing here?
- Dexter Ward: You're dead, Uncle Ephram.
- Uncle Ephram: Like hell I am! Get me out of this goddam thing! What stupid sonofabitch pronounced me dead?
- Dexter Ward: I think it was Dr Mallard.
- Uncle Ephram: That quack!