John O'Hurley credited as playing...
J. Peterman
- Mr. Peterman: Elaine, up until a few minutes ago, I was convinced I was on the receiving end of the oldest baker's grift in the books - The Enterman's Shim Sham. Until I remembered my security camera, which I installed to catch other Walter using my latrine.
- Elaine: But, Mr. Peterman, I...
- Mr. Peterman: Elaine, I have a question for you - is the item still with you?
- Elaine: I guess so...
- Mr. Peterman: Elaine, do you have any idea what happens to a butter-based frosting after sitting 60 years in a poorly ventilated English basement? I have a feeling that what you are about to go through is punishment enough. Dismissed.
- [explaining why Elaine won't be accompanying him to Africa]
- Mr. Peterman: I'm afraid it's your urine, Elaine. You've tested positive for opium.
- Elaine: [astonished] Opium?
- Mr. Peterman: That's right. White Lotus. Yam-yam. Shanghai Sally.
- Elaine: Mr. Peterman, you can't leave
- J. Peterman: I've already left, Elaine. I'm in Burma.
- Elaine: Burma?
- J. Peterman: You most likely know it as Myanmar, but it will always be Burma to me.