Marcia Strassman: Diane Szalinski

Honey, I Shrunk the Kids

Diane Szalinski

Wayne Szalinski: Don't worry about them, they've got the Thompson kids with them. They'll be fine.
Diane Szalinski: That's another thing I'm worried about: Amy. In the dark. With Little Russ Thompson.
Wayne Szalinski: Get some rest.
Diane Szalinski: They'd better behave themselves.

[Wayne shows Diane the shrunken couch]
Diane Szalinski: [excited] Are you saying... it works? The machine works?
[Wayne nods]
Diane Szalinski: Do the kids know?
Wayne Szalinski: Well, yeah, the kids know.
Diane Szalinski: That's great!
Wayne Szalinski: No, it's not that great.
Diane Szalinski: Why?
Wayne Szalinski: I shrunk the kids.
Diane Szalinski: ...What?
Wayne Szalinski: And the Thompson kids too. They're about this big, they're in the backyard.
Diane Szalinski: *What*?
Wayne Szalinski: I threw them out with the trash.
[just as Diane grabs hold of Wayne, the doorbell rings. Wayne opens the door to two police officers]
Wayne Szalinski: Yes?
Female Cop: Did uh, you report two missing children?
Wayne Szalinski: Oh, there must be some mistake. Our children are in the backyard. Right, honey?
[Diane faints]

[after Wayne and Diane stop Tommy with the lawnmower]
Tommy Pervis: [innocently] Nick said I could cut it, I swear!
Wayne Szalinski: When did you see Nick?
Diane Szalinski: Did you see him this morning?
Tommy Pervis: No, it was yesterday. Really, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so late.
Diane Szalinski: [calmly] It's okay, sweetie. It's okay. Why don't you back through our house, it's safer.
Tommy Pervis: [concerned] 'Safer'?
[Tommy stares at Wayne and Diane looking through the cut grass for the kids]
Tommy Pervis: [to himself] I thought MY folks were weird.

[Wayne shows the Thompsons the shrunken furniture]
Mae Thompson: Why didn't you tell us earlier?
Diane Szalinski: Well, up until now, the machine just... blew things up.
Mae Thompson: Are you saying that that machine...?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Blew up my kids?
Diane Szalinski, Wayne Szalinski: No, no!
Wayne Szalinski: No, if the machine had blown up the kids, there'd be pieces of them everywhere...
Diane Szalinski: Wayne!
Wayne Szalinski: Sorry, but I'm positive about this. The machine shrunk our kids.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: You're the one who needs a shrink, Szalinski. You are a nut case. And I'll tell you something: I have got an air hammer in my attic, and if you did do something to my kids, there's gonna be pieces of you *all over the NEIGHBORHOOD*! Come on, Mae!
[he storms out of the house, dragging Mae after him]
Wayne Szalinski: I think that went well.
Diane Szalinski: I think we should have them over more often.

Tommy Pervis: [after mowing the lawn] Nick said I could cut it...
Wayne Szalinski: When did you see Nick?
Diane Szalinski: Did you see him this morning?
Tommy Pervis: No, it was yesterday. But really, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to be so late!
Diane Szalinski: It's okay, sweetie. It's alright, go home, go on through the house, it's safer.
Tommy Pervis: "Safer"?
[sees Diane and Wayne looking for the kids in the grass]
Tommy Pervis: And I thought my folks were weird.

Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: What do you take me for? A complete idiot?
[Wayne and Diane look at each other]
Mae Thompson: How did this happen?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Hang on, Mae. I'll handle this. How did this happen?
Wayne Szalinski: Well, the machine analyzes an object's molecular structure; then through laser inversion, it takes all the...
Diane Szalinski: Wayne... I think the Thompsons need to see the couch.

[Wayne and Diane are still searching for the kids until Diane hears and sees Big Russ and Mae in the kitchen arguing]
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: [about Little Russ] I didn't force him to join the team.
Mae Thompson: I know, but you always make a big deal out of sports.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Because sports build character.
Mae Thompson: No, they don't! They build muscle. Russell, you've got to understand, these kids aren't you. They have their whole lives...
Diane Szalinski: Wayne?
Wayne Szalinski: Yeah?
Diane Szalinski: [lowly] We've got to tell the Thompsons.