Matt Frewer credited as playing...
Big Russ Thompson
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: When I was your age, I put on twenty pounds of pure unadulterated blitz-the-quarterback-and-rip-his-head-off muscle, Russell!
- Mae Thompson: [Russ nurses a head wound] You got it, honey.
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Sure?
- Mae Thompson: Positive. You're wiping away brain cells and there aren't many to spare.
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Everybody in my family is a comedian.
- Mae Thompson: Everybody except you.
- [after his talk with Don]
- Mae Thompson: Did you tell him the truth?
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: [smiles knowingly] Honey...
- Mae Thompson: Did they take it okay?
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Mae...
- [Don honks the horn in 'goodbye' and drives off]
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: [furiously] 80 bucks, Mae! NON-refundable! Those kids are GROUNDED!
- Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: Hey Szalinski, ever do anything normal? Like play baseball?
- Nick Szalinski: Nope. Baseball is for mortals.
- Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: Maybe you could be the base.
- Nick Szalinski: Maybe you could be the mound.
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Ronald, lug your stuff!
- Ronald 'Ron' Thompson: Later, worm.
- [the Szalinskis and the Thompsons sit down to dinner with a super-enlarged turkey]
- Wayne Szalinski: Well, I guess we gotta carve this thing, huh?
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Oh, want to use my chainsaw?
- [after their visit with the Szalinskis]
- Mae Thompson: I thought you didn't believe him.
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Oh, I don't. Electricity's cheap.
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: [knowing about his kids missing] Don, uh, something's come up. I don't think we're gonna be able to make it. Maybe you better go on ahead.
- Donald 'Don' Forrester: What - what do you mean you don't think you'll be able to make it? We're caravanning, good buddy.
- Gloria Forrester: [about Wayne flying] Donald, I am telling...
- Donald 'Don' Forrester: Not now, Gloria!
- [to Russ, Sr]
- Donald 'Don' Forrester: And besides, if you're not there by 6:00, you'll lose your deposit.
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Confidentially... Mae hasn't been feeling too well - plumbing.
- Donald 'Don' Forrester: Plumbing? This isn't the Big Russ Thompson I know. Plumbing would not stop the Big Russ Thompson I know. Especially with an $80 deposit on the line?
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Don, hook a big on for me, okay?
- [he puts his hand on Don's shoulder which takes off a fish hook accessory off the lifejacket until Russ, Sr. leaves]
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Don?
- [Russ, Sr. does the fish gesture with his hand as Don does the same]
- Gloria Forrester: Let's roll, Gloria. Come on, get in.
- Donald 'Don' Forrester: What's wrong with him?
- Donald 'Don' Forrester: Come on.
- [Don then sees Wayne flying]
- Donald 'Don' Forrester: Mm-hmm.
- [Wayne shows the Thompsons the shrunken furniture]
- Mae Thompson: Why didn't you tell us earlier?
- Diane Szalinski: Well, up until now, the machine just... blew things up.
- Mae Thompson: Are you saying that that machine...?
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Blew up my kids?
- Diane Szalinski, Wayne Szalinski: No, no!
- Wayne Szalinski: No, if the machine had blown up the kids, there'd be pieces of them everywhere...
- Diane Szalinski: Wayne!
- Wayne Szalinski: Sorry, but I'm positive about this. The machine shrunk our kids.
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: You're the one who needs a shrink, Szalinski. You are a nut case. And I'll tell you something: I have got an air hammer in my attic, and if you did do something to my kids, there's gonna be pieces of you *all over the NEIGHBORHOOD*! Come on, Mae!
- [he storms out of the house, dragging Mae after him]
- Wayne Szalinski: I think that went well.
- Diane Szalinski: I think we should have them over more often.
- Mae Thompson: How did this happen?
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Let me handle this. How did this happen?
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: Um, dad... You know that weights aren't my thing.
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Fishing isn't your thing. Weights aren't your thing. Just what is your thing?
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: I don't know. But I'll keep you posted okay?
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Okay, in the meantime, you're trying these weights, and you're coming fishing with the family! IS THAT CLEAR? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Jr.: Yes sir.
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Hey, Szalinski, your lawn's beginning to look like the Amazon.
- Wayne Szalinski: Yeah, producing oxygen, Russ. We all have to do our part. You know how all the jungles are receding everywhere.
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: What do you take me for? A complete idiot?
- [Wayne and Diane look at each other]
- Mae Thompson: How did this happen?
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Hang on, Mae. I'll handle this. How did this happen?
- Wayne Szalinski: Well, the machine analyzes an object's molecular structure; then through laser inversion, it takes all the...
- Diane Szalinski: Wayne... I think the Thompsons need to see the couch.
- [Wayne and Diane are still searching for the kids until Diane hears and sees Big Russ and Mae in the kitchen arguing]
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: [about Little Russ] I didn't force him to join the team.
- Mae Thompson: I know, but you always make a big deal out of sports.
- Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Because sports build character.
- Mae Thompson: No, they don't! They build muscle. Russell, you've got to understand, these kids aren't you. They have their whole lives...
- Diane Szalinski: Wayne?
- Wayne Szalinski: Yeah?
- Diane Szalinski: [lowly] We've got to tell the Thompsons.